Pretty In Puke

(I’m a customer eating at a restaurant that has a house challenge: if you eat one of their extra-large pizzas by yourself, you’ll get it free and get your name and picture on the wall. I’m watching another customer who has eaten half the pizza when this happens:)

Chef: “You having trouble there, buddy?”

Customer: “Nah, man, I got this. I got this…”

(The customer takes another bite, chokes it down, and throws it up on the floor.)

Chef: “Woah, woah! Someone get that cleaned up. Buddy, I think you need to stop.”

Customer: “Nah, man, I got this. I can do this!”

(The customer vomits again.)

Chef: “All right that’s it. You gotta quit, both for your sake and mine.”

Me: “He’s spitting out more than he’s eating.”

Customer: “Man, just… gimme like two minutes and I’ll be okay.”

Chef: “Tell you what. You get outta my store and I’ll give you the pizza for half-off.”

Customer: “No way; I can do this! You just watch! You watch me right here, right now!”

(He takes another couple bites, but doesn’t vomit this time.)

Chef: “Look, buddy, you puked. That automatically disqualifies you. Just go on home before I gotta throw you out.”

Customer: “Nooooo! You don’t get it, bro. I gotta do this!” *forces more pizza in his mouth*

Chef: “Sorry, buddy, but that’s it. You’re torturing yourself.”

(The chef and another customer dragged the guy outside, and that was the last I saw him that night. I later found out that the guy showed up the next day at the restaurant in a pink dress. Apparently, he had a bet with his friend that if he didn’t eat the whole pizza, he’d have to wear the dress for a day…)

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