President-ing Under The Influence

, , , | Right | July 23, 2019

(I work in backgrounds for the government. We check all kinds of criminal convictions that are misdemeanors or worse. This means even small things like driving without a license. If it’s a misdemeanor, we look into it. The guy I am working with now has had a few DUIs — driving under the influence. We ask for court documents from everybody, no exceptions. We don’t have a public counter, so all communication is by phone, email, or letter. I’m speaking to this guy by phone as I explain our document requirement.)

Guy: “This—“ *meaning his DUIs* “—has nothing to do with my [application]!”

(I remind him of the [application] and repeat our requirements.)

Guy: “Well, Bush had DUIs. I’m just like him. Wouldn’t you let him have [application]?”

Me: “Sir, if the former president wanted [application], I’d have him submit the required paperwork, too.”

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