Pregnant With Inattentiveness

(I am a first semester freshman in college, and visit the health care center to see if something can be done about stomach cramps and nausea, which have gotten so bad I’m having trouble sleeping. The nurse on duty is looking at papers on her desk or her computer the entire time.)

Me: “I’m having trouble sleeping, my belly’s uneasy, and I’m just not feeling well. It’s been going on since I got to campus, and—”

Nurse: *interrupting* “Are you pregnant?”

Me: “No. It’s probably just anxiety, but it might also be the water, I heard that different regions have—”

Nurse: *interrupting* “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. Can I list the symptoms and see if you have anything that’ll help?”

Nurse: “Have you taken a pregnancy test? How do you know you’re not pregnant?”

Me: “Well, for starters because it’s biologically impossible for me to get pregnant—”

Nurse: *interrupting* “If you’ve had sex, it’s possible to get pregnant. You know the university provides free contraception; all you would have had to do is—”

Me: *interrupting* “I’m going to stop you right there. Look at me. I am not a woman. I do not have a uterus. I cannot get pregnant. Now are you going to help me or not?”

(The nurse finally looks up from the paperwork/computer, and sees I am most certainly not a woman.)

Nurse: “Oh… well… um… someone will be with you shortly…”