Praise Is Nice But Money Spends Better

Today was supposed to be my day off, yet they called me in, and like a sad, broke puppy, I went in.

Most of the night was great — I was bartending and it’s just more fun — except for one table.

This table had four kids with them. They asked for separate checks — of course. The table total was almost a hundred, and not a single one of them tipped. They also left the totals blank. So, filled with bartending bravado, I brought the tickets back.

Me: “Oh, my God, y’all, I’m so sorry. I think I took the wrong slips. I’m supposed to take the copy that has the tip and total written.”

But these jerks were immune to the shame and told me that I had the right copies. Instead, they wrote out a note to my manager saying how awesome I was.

Gee, thanks. I’m sure my landlord will take that. Maybe I can use it to buy my son new shoes.

Oh, wait, no. Obviously, that’s dumb.

I brought the note back to my general manager. (Even without a tip, I want them to know I’m on top of things.) It turned out that one of the people at the table was a former waitress at my restaurant. And after running me ragged, she and the rest of them didn’t leave me a penny. And for the record, I take care of my tables; they had refills, extra sauces, extra napkins, extra lemons, a splash of sour mix in the former waitress’s lemonade because it wasn’t lemony enough, etc.

I always thought that one of the trademarks of a service industry veteran is that we always tip. I was wrong.

I had some great people that made up for them (as it goes). But seriously, any industry person who thinks that an “attagirl” note is an acceptable tip needs to spend the rest of their lives with twelve-top tables of after-church customers.