Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia

Me: “Welcome to [Store], ma’am! Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Do you have any glass candle holders?”

Me: “Of course! What kind were you looking for?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing in particular. Could you bring me a selection? The kids are kinda cranky and I need to get some towels.”

Me: “Here’s about eight different kinds.”

Customer: “Don’t you have anything tall and thin? I need something about six inches high.”

Me: “Two of these are over six inches…”

Customer: “Those are too plain. Can I get something with a floral pattern? Etched on the glass, I mean. ”

Me: “This one has an etched vine design on it.”

Customer: “Oh, that one’s too expensive. It needs to be under five dollars.”

Me: “I found a style that fits your description, ma’am.”

Customer: “Great! How many of them do you have?”

Me: “Well, it was in the clearance section, which means that more than five could be difficult to find. How many do you need?”

Customer: “Five hundred.”

Me: “Um… I don’t think we have five hundred of ANYTHING in stock. We don’t deal in high volume. I can order five hundred of this item for you, though, and have them delivered to your house.”

Customer: “How long would that take?”

Me: “For an older item like this, and with that high a number, it will probably take the full two weeks specified in our shipping guarantee. We’ll need to get them from multiple locations.”

Customer: “Oh. I need them by tomorrow. ”

Me: “What…?”

Customer: “It’s a big charity event I’m hosting, and I need five hundred identical glass candle holders by tomorrow. Plus you do free gift wrapping, and I figured I could save some money there. I wanted ones like I saw in another store but I guess you just don’t have a very good selection.”

Me: “Not if you need five hundred of them at once!”