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No Contacts And Updated Contact

| Working | April 1, 2014

(I wear contacts. A couple of years ago when moving house from near Scotland to southeast England, I made sure to change my details with my opticians. I also called up their central office, because apparently you can’t change your delivery address in-store. Nevertheless, my contacts didn’t arrive when they were supposed to. I ring up customer service.)

Employee #1: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I’m calling because I haven’t received my contact lenses. I moved house recently, but definitely changed my details. My current address is [address].”

Employee #1: “Yes, it looks like we still have your previous address on file. You know, you have to call up and change it specifically.”

Me: “I did. I—”

Employee #1: “—and it’s not the same as just calling up your local opticians! Now, we can’t send you a new set just because you forgot to change your address. You’ll have to go to your old place and pick them up.”

Me: “I can’t. I live at the opposite end of the country. I definitely ch—”

Employee #1: “Well, we can’t send you any more. You have to get them yourself or do without.”

Me: “Listen. I went into a branch to change my address, and they gave me a card to call up and change my contact lens details. If they weren’t the right people to call, then who on Earth do I need to call to change my delivery address?”

Employee #1: “Oh, you called and changed your address? It mustn’t have changed in the system. I’ll send you a new pack out.”

(A couple of years on, I’m moving house again. As soon as I move, I call to change my address. Lo and behold, my contact lenses don’t turn up.)

Me: “Hi. I’m calling because I haven’t received my contacts. I moved house recently, and made sure to call up the contact lens department and change my delivery address with them.”

Employee #2: “Ah, you changed your address? We’ll send you some more out. Sorry about that. Can I take your new address?”

Me: “It’s [address].”

(A few weeks pass. No contact lenses arrive.)

Me: “Hi. I called a couple of weeks ago because my contacts hadn’t arrived. I was told I would be send some more, but I haven’t got them yet. My address should be [address].”

Employee: “Ah. This is embarrassing. The address doesn’t seem to have been changed. Can we run through them all?”

(They had no fewer than five addresses on system for me, not one of them my current address. Finally, a week later, my contacts finally arrived!)

Ah Fathers, Part 5

, , , | Right | November 4, 2010

(A customer walks up to the counter in a very aggressive way.)

Customer: “You sold a very violent game to my fourteen-year-old son!”

Me: “I apologize. Which game did we sell him?”

(The customer hands me a copy of the game.)

Me: “Sir, this game is rated “M.” We won’t sell this game to anyone under the age of 17 without proper I.D. Are you sure he got it here?”

Customer: “Yeah!” *hands me receipt*

(The receipt had been printed at my register, and is marked for earlier that day.)

Me: “The only copy of this game we sold today was sold to a twenty-one-year-old.”

Customer: “Well, he acts like a fourteen-year-old!”

Related:
Ah, Fathers, Part 4
Ah, Fathers, Part 3
Ah, Fathers, Part 2
Ah, Fathers


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Eerie But Effective

, , , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: fedupkat | April 16, 2021

My friend and I are both about nineteen or twenty years old in the early 1980s. [Friend] is blind — she had ocular melanoma — so she has an advocate who goes everywhere with her on the university campus. They make sure she makes it safely to and from each of her classes and assist her with test-taking, etc. We meet when [Friend] walks by my table in the Student Union Hall, bumps my coffee, and spills it all over both of us. We’ve been friends ever since.

Because my friend lives off-campus with her parents and I live in an off-campus apartment a few blocks away, I drive every day to school. We coordinate our class schedules so that I can drop her off with her advocate in the morning and in the afternoon, the advocate brings her to me and I take her home.

One semester, [Friend]’s last class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday ends an hour before mine. Normally, her advocate hangs out with her in the Student Union Hall to wait for me. Some Fridays, [Friend] insists that the advocate bring her to the building where I have class to wait for me there — closer to where I parked the car — and the advocate can go home a little early. I always take the same route out of the building and know to be on the lookout for her.

Today, [Friend] is in her usual spot in the lobby. She is sitting on the floor — there are no seats — with her back against the wall, her cane folded beside her, tinted glasses on, and appearing to stare straight ahead. To her left are the lobby doors, about thirty feet away.

She’s been sitting there for maybe fifty or fifty-five minutes when she hears what sounds like squeaky wheels rolling over the floor. She doesn’t bother to call out and just thinks it’s maybe the janitorial staff with those mop buckets on wheels getting an early start on mopping. Then, she hears someone push the panic bar on one of the lobby’s double doors and the wheels banging over the metal threshold. A moment later, a woman’s voice fills the empty lobby.

Woman: “What the h*** is wrong with you young people? Never in my life have I seen so many inconsiderate brats.”

Friend: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “And you should be, young lady. You could see that I needed help with this hand truck, but you just sat there and did absolutely nothing. Didn’t anyone teach you manners?”

Friend: “I didn’t see you.”

Woman: “How could you not see me? I’m the only other person here.”

Friend: “I’m sorry, but I didn’t see you. I’m blind.”

Woman: “You really expect me to believe that? Blind people can’t go to college. You’re just too lazy to get off the floor.”

My friend pulls her cane around, unfolds it, and gets to her feet.

Friend: “Yes, ma’am, I am blind, and I can go to college.”

Classes start letting out and students start beginning to leave or change classes. I come around the corner.

Me: “What’s going on?”

Woman: “This girl expects me to believe she’s blind.”

Me: “She is.”

Woman: “That’s a load of crap. Prove it.”

The woman walks up to [Friend] and takes the tinted glasses from her face.

Woman: “See?”

She directs this to the students who are hanging around to watch the drama as if she expects them to agree with her or take her side).

Woman: “She can see. There is nothing wrong with her eyes. She’s not really blind.”

As I stated earlier, my friend had ocular melanoma. As a result, her eyes were surgically removed, and she was fitted with prostheses that look real at a quick glance but don’t “move” like normal eyes and are a bit flat in their color. It’s kind of like looking into the eyes of a very old doll.

However, the best part of [Friend]’s eyes: they are removable! She reaches up, pops one eyeball out, and holds it out to the woman

Friend: “Here, look through this and tell me if you can see anything.”

The woman starts backing away, screeching loudly.

Woman: “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”

The woman backs away from us so fast that she trips over her own, lands on her butt, and continues to scoot away. When she gets to the door, she pulls herself up, grabs her hand truck, and leaves. [Friend] maneuvers the eye back into the socket. The small crowd of students starts clapping and laughing and a few give [Friend] a pat on the back.

Friend: *Sighing dramatically* “So much for that lady seeing things through my eyes, huh?”

Geez, I love her humor!


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Made A Good Call

| Right | September 8, 2013

(I’m a cashier, but we have the phones by us and answer all calls. A woman calls and is frantic; she’s lost her iPhone and explains what it looks like. It’s slow, so I go and hunt for it. I find it and call her back.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Store]. I found your phone and have it with me up at the registers. Whenever you’d like to come in and pick it up will be fine.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! Thank you, thank you! I’ll be in soon to grab it!”

(About 20 minutes later, a customer comes in and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m the lady who lost her phone. Pink case, with white polka dots.”

Me: “Yep, I’ve got it right here. It wasn’t any trouble, really.”

Customer: “You’re the one who went and found it, right? Thank you so much! Here, take this!”

(She proceeds to put some money in my hand. I stammer and shake my head, but she insists.)

Customer: “I would’ve had to pay a lot more to replace the phone, and you were kind enough to find it and hold it for a klutz like me. I insist you take this and buy yourself something nice!”

(The customer then left, leaving me with a $40 tip that I used to buy sushi for my boyfriend and me!)


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A Senior Moment To Go, Please

| Right | May 16, 2012

(I am working in a sub shop when two elderly ladies approach. One orders for both of them.)

Customer: “I want a tuna sub.”

Me: “Okay, is that a footlong?”

(I’m assuming they are getting a footlong to split, but I have to ask to be sure.)

Customer: “No, it’s for here.”

Me: “Okay, but is that a footlong or a 6 inch?”

Customer: *looks at me confused* “What?”

Me: “Is your sub a footlong or a 6 inch?”

Customer: “No, it’s a footlong.”

(I go down the line making the rest of her sandwich for her without any other problems. When we get to the register, they get two bags of chips and two coffees. Then, they ask for the senior discount, which I give them.)

Me: “That will be $9.31 today.”

Customer: “That’s not right.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I thought the sub was $5.”

Me: “Actually, with your senior discount it only costs $4.50, but you also have the chips and the coffees, which brings your total to $9.31.”

Customer: “But the sub’s supposed to be $5.”

Me: “Yes, and it is $5. However, you also got the chips, which are $0.89 a piece and the coffees, which are about $1.29 a piece. Then, theres tax.”

Customer: “But I thought that the sub was $5.”

(This goes on for about five more minutes, with me explaining everything she’s got and how her total is $9.31. After about five more minutes, she finally gets it.)

Customer: “Oh, the coffee and the chips cost about $1 each, so it’s $9.31!”