Getting Heated About A Lack Of Heated Food

| Right | January 7, 2013

(I work at a soft serve ice cream shop. The building has a window to serve people outside, as the inside is rather small. A woman literally drives up to the window.)

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t a drive through. Can you please park the car and order then?”

Customer: “Do you have cheeseburgers?”

Me: *confused* “Ma’am, this is an ice cream store. We don’t sell any hot foods.”

Customer: “Do you have hot dogs?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we have no hot dogs, cheeseburgers, or anything hot. But I’m sure that the restaurant down the road has those?”

Customer: “Can I have a large order of fries?”

Me: “Ma’am we don’t have fries.”

Customer: “Can I have a fish filet with ketchup?”

Me: “Ma’am, please: we don’t have any fish, fries, chicken, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, pasta, or pizza.”

Customer: *gives me a creepy stare*

Me: “Ma’am?”

(The customer yells incomprehensibly, stomps on the gas, and does a donut in the parking lot before speeding away.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20

| Right | June 24, 2013

Scotland, UK

(A customer comes to the counter with a cauliflower, and a bag of potatoes.)

Me: “Okay, that’s £3.36.”

Customer: “What? How much is the cauliflower?”

Me: “It’s £1.36.”

Customer: “£1.36? That’s ridiculous! That’s about twice the price of [local supermarket]. I can’t afford to pay that much on my pension!”

Me: “Would you like me to take it off?”

Customer: “Yes please. I can’t possibly afford it. Oh, and can you give me two £5 scratch-cards please?”

 

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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

, , , , , | Right | August 27, 2010

Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

(I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh, f*** you!”

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Your Intelligence Is Up In The Air

| Working | June 15, 2012

(Our designated smoking area is at the back of our building. Except for the wintertime, we get a lot of birds that hang around the parking lot picking up crumbs, and even more that just sit on top of the lampposts and sing every so often.)

New Hire #1: *freaks out at the sound of a rather loud birdsong*

New Hire #2: “Dude, it’s just a bird.”

New Hire #1: “Yeah, I know that, but birds aren’t natural!”

(I turn to look at him as soon as I hear that.)

Me: “Wait, ‘birds aren’t natural’?”

New Hire #1: “Yeah, they’re not natural! If God had wanted birds to fly, he would’ve given them wings or something!”

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Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

| Right | August 22, 2012

(I am working the register. A mother and her teenage daughter are quietly arguing nearby. When they’re done, the teenager comes up to my register while the mother lingers a few feet away.)

Teenage Customer: “I need a pack of [cigarettes]!”

Me: “Certainly! May I see your ID, please?”

Teenage Customer: “I’m with her.” *points to her mother*

Me: “Okay, but the person who actually purchases the cigarettes has to be at least 18, no matter who they are with.”

Teenage Customer: “Oh for f***’s sake!”

(The teenager goes over to her mother and they quietly argue some more. The mother reluctantly comes up to my register.)

Customer’s Mother: “I need a pack of [cigarettes], please.”

Me: “Are you purchasing them for yourself?”

Customer’s Mother: “No, I don’t smoke. They’re for my daughter. She’s not old enough to buy them for herself.”

Teenage Customer: “Shut up, Mom!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell the cigarettes to either of you.”

Teenage Customer: “Why the f*** not?”

Me: “Well, you’re not old enough to buy them and your mother just admitted that she’s buying them for someone who is underage.”

Teenage Customer: “They’re for her. Right, Mom?!” *pinches her mom’s arm*

Customer’s Mother: *meekly* “Yes, they’re for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m still going to have to refuse the sale. Allowing someone to buy cigarettes for a minor is a bad as selling cigarettes to a minor. I could get into a lot of trouble.”

Teenage Customer: “Oh, f*** you! We’ll just get them someplace else!” *to her mom* “This is your fault!”

(Suddenly, a uniformed police officer appears out of nowhere. Apparently, he has witnessed the whole exchange from nearby.)

Police Officer: “Could I have a word with you, ladies?”

(I don’t know what happened to the mother and daughter, but I never saw them in the store again. The police officer reported the whole incident to my manager and I got a promotion!)

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