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A Day Late Is A Dollar Saved

| Working | May 10, 2013

Receptionist: “Okay, well that will be… hold on. It’s December 31st, right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Receptionist: “Is there any reason you booked the appointment for today?”

Me: “Nah, I just knew my mom would be off work and able to take me, and I knew I’d be home from college.”

Receptionist: “Well, okay, so if you had waited until January 1st, our insurance would’ve flipped over and your appointment would have been covered. I’m really sorry they didn’t tell you that. Whoever booked your appointment should’ve said that. I’m going to just wait until tomorrow to enter this, just so you know, okay?”

Me: “Wait, seriously? Are you sure? It’s not going to mess up your records or anything?”

Receptionist: “Not at all. Whoever scheduled you should have let you know, so we’ll cover it. Have a good one!”

Mom: “Wow, that’s great.” *to me* “We should switch your brothers and dad to THIS practice!”

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Making False Bald Statements

| Right | February 27, 2015

(I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

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Leaving Your Luggage Baggage Behind

| Right | July 3, 2014

(I work at one location of the world’s largest retail chain. My department carries luggage, furniture, lamps, and photo frames. Although known for a lower-class clientele, my particular store was in an affluent suburb. A woman comes in and approaches for help with duffel bags.)

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you with that. They are right over here with our luggage. Are you looking for any specific features?”

Customer: “It’s going to be an airline carry on, so it can’t be too big, and I’ll need to carry it around a lot, so it has to ride well on my shoulder.”

(I point out the bags that fit the carry on restrictions. There are six. She proceeds to take the paper and inflatable stuffing out of all six and walk up and down the aisle with each. Then she picks one.)

Customer: “I’m going to take this one. Thank you.”

(She looks down at the pile of trash she left littered up and down the aisle.)

Customer: “Looks like you won’t be bored for a while.” *she leaves*

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Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Bro

, , , , , | Related | December 29, 2012

(I have two grown sons, identical twins, who are both married with kids. They have both come back home for Christmas. Living in the highlands in Scotland, the snow can be quite thick, and we have been snowed in. It is time to open Christmas presents. Both sons have presents for each other in identical-sized boxes.)

Son #1: “Here’s a present for you.”

Son #2: “And here is a present for you!”

Son #1: “How kind!”

Son #2: “And you!”

(They both proceed to open each other’s presents, and they are the exact same thing: a PlayStation console. Even the bundled games are identical.)

Son #1: “Well, brother! You absolutely shouldn’t have!”

(The wives of each of my sons share a knowing look of disdain.)

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Wife #1: “I told my husband that he could not buy himself a games console. It would be a bad influence on the children.”

Wife #2: “I told mine pretty much the same thing.”

Son #1: *chiming in* “But I didn’t buy myself one! My kind brother bought one for me! I can’t be penalised!”

Son #2: “Now, let’s get these bad boys set up. I’ll take the TV upstairs; you take the one in the living room.”

Son #1: “And you have my PlayStation network account name?”

(The wives glare at them.)

Son #2: *noticing* “Why, yes, I do indeed happen to have the PlayStation network account details that you HAVE NOT YET CREATED, because how could you? You had no idea you would be getting a PlayStation today! I trust you also have my NOT YET CREATED network name?”

(Both of my sons and their children were hooked on the games for the rest of the time we were snowed in, a good three days. I just told each of the wives to buy themselves expensive jewellery for each other next Christmas.)

This story is part of the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!

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Read the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!

This story is part of our Scotland themed roundup!

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Read the Scotland themed roundup!

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How About Ten To The Durrrrr

, , , | Right | January 20, 2010

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want to withdraw ten-hundred dollars.”

Me: “Ten-hundred? Is that one thousand?”

Customer: “Don’t say that so loud! I don’t want people to think I’m getting one thousand. That’s why I said ten-hundred!”

This story is part of the Ignorant About Money roundup!

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Read the Ignorant About Money roundup!

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