Rabbiting On

| Right | October 10, 2014

(I’m working at my till when an old lady in a wheelchair approaches me. Our rabbit hutches are situated right next to our office that keeps the safe inside.)

Customer: “Hello, dear. I was wondering if you could give me some advice about your rabbit hutches.”

Me: “Of course. Is it just for one rabbit or two?”

Customer: “Oh, it would be two.”

(I take her over to the hutches and show her around explaining the features of each one.)

Customer: “I don’t have much room in my husband’s car and I really need one for today. Do you sell them un-built?”

Me: “I can grab a flat packed one from out the back if you’d like?”

Customer: “Could you bring one out to show me so I can see if it will fit?”

(I run out to our storage area and grab a flat-packed version of the hutch she had asked for. When I bring it out her attitude has completely changed.)

Me: “Here you go. This is the one. It’s really simple to build and will only take ten minutes.”

Customer: “FOR GOD’S SAKE. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GRAB ONE GODD*** ITEM FOR ME?! DON’T BOTHER WITH IT. I’LL JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE THEY DON’T TREAT THEIR CUSTOMERS LIKE S***!”

(I stand there in stunned silence as the customer quickly leaves the store, cursing frequently under her breath. Later on my manager, who ran home from work, couldn’t find his trainers which he leaves in the office. We decide to look on the CCTV to check if anyone has moved them. The video shows me walking off to get the hutch for the customer. When I leave she proceeds to get out of her wheelchair, enter the office (which has a combination lock on it), and try to open the safe. After failing to open it she grabs my manager’s trainers, shoves them in her handbag, and returns to the wheelchair.)

Manager: “Who the h*** was she?”

Me: “I think I almost sold the Devil a rabbit hutch today…”

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Appointment With Stupidity

, | Right | September 18, 2009

Me: “Service Center, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to make an appointment to get my oil changed.”

Me: “All right. Well, just so you know, you can come in whenever you are available during the week.”

Customer: “So, Monday through Friday?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “So, wait… we don’t need an appointment?”

Me: “Nope, just come right in!”

Customer: “So, what your saying is we don’t need an appointment?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “I dunno about that.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “Not having an appointment.”

Me: “Well, do you want me to put you down for an appointment?”

Customer: “You just said I didn’t need one!”

Me: “Well, so you’re not so confused, I can put you in whatever slot you want.”

Customer: “No, I’ll just go somewhere else!”

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Less Is More, More Or Less

| Right | February 13, 2012

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

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A Case Of Misbehavin’ Identity

| Right | July 24, 2012

(I am working in a post office inside a mall. I am in a rather secluded part of the store and usually only one or two customers are here at a time. This is my first night alone, and I have just learned this particular transaction about two hours earlier with my manager. The first meeting occurs with my manager there as a witness.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to do a change of address, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need two pieces of photo ID and something showing your old address. It could be your driver’s license or a bill.”

Customer #1: “I don’t carry ID with me. I don’t want to get mugged. I took the bus here just to do this. Can’t you do it anyway?”

(Unfortunately, there is no way to do this. If I don’t write the information down on the form, it will be rejected and the customer’s money will not be refunded. I explain this to her several times, and mention TWO pieces of ID repeatedly. I also write this down on a note and hand it to her. She leaves, upset, and tells me she’ll be back later. Work continues as normal, until I see the same customer come back in the store two hours later. This is after my manager has left me alone for the night.)

Me: “Hi there! So, you brought your ID?”

Customer #1: *grumbles* “Yes. I can’t BELIEVE you made me bus it home and all the way back here for ONE STUPID CARD.”

(At this point, I know she’s going to get even angrier. She’s only got one piece of ID, and I still can’t do the transaction.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need two pieces of ID.”

Customer #1: “Are you f***ing joking?! ALL THE WAY HOME AND YOU STILL WON’T DO IT?!”

Me: “I asked you for two pieces of ID, ma’am, several times. I even sent a note with you.”

Customer #1: “YOU EXPECT ME TO READ A NOTE? ARE YOU STUPID? YOU HAVE ONE PIECE! THAT’S ENOUGH! JUST DO THE F***ING FORM!”

(The customer is fuming, and there are other people in line behind her. I call my manager, who immediately remembers the customer and tells me to “just do the transaction anyways and she can lose her $40 if she wants to”, but by this time the woman is screeching while I’m on the phone.)

Customer #1: “YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE BECAUSE YOU’RE A RACIST, AREN’T YOU?! YOU F***ING RACIST!”

(Suddenly, she vaults herself over the counter and grabs the nearest object—thankfully just a roll of kraft paper—and starts whacking me with it. Security happens to be passing by and they tackle the woman to the ground, kraft paper in hand, still screeching about my “racism” and “ignorance”. I go back to helping the customers that have been waiting.)

Customer #2: “My god, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen! What the h*** did you do to her?!”

Me: “Long story…I just needed more ID and she didn’t have it. What can I help you with?”

Customer #2: “Oh, a change of address. But I only have one piece of ID…” *gets a sheepish look on his face* “You just spent the whole time I was in line explaining that you need two pieces of ID for this form, didn’t you?”

Me: “Oh, um, yes… so, you know that I can’t do it then?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I just hoped for some hair pulling.” *slinks away*

Customer #3: *grinning* “I have two pieces of ID, and I just want to mail this.”

Me: “I’m so sorry you had to witness that, sir. You could use the drop box beside the desk next time. It’s right over there.”

Customer #3: “Oh, I know. But I’m an officer and I wanted to witness that woman in case things went south.”

(It turns out he really was an officer! He had the woman charged with assault and petty theft for taking the roll of kraft paper.)


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Even Galaxon Spaceways Charges Extra For Luggage Nowadays

, , | Right | August 7, 2009

(I work for an answering service where we get calls from tenants after hours with requests for the maintenance man.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m in apartment 12. I need to leave a message for the maintenance man.”

Me: “Sure, and what’s the message?”

Customer: “Well, I’m leaving for a while. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I need to know that he’ll keep an eye on my stuff.”

Me: “Okay, is that all?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think so. See, I’m leaving the planet tomorrow.”

Me: “Um… excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m leaving the planet. Problem is, I’m only allowed to bring one suitcase, and I have a lot of stuff in my apartment! I just need to know that it will be safe while I’m gone.”

Me: “Okay, so you want me to tell the maintenance man to watch your stuff until you return from outer space?”

Customer: “Exactly! Thank you so much for being so sweet!”

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