Giving Them A Sporting Chance

| Working | November 29, 2013

(My grandma, two brothers, little sister, and I are at the mall. Grandma is signing us up for children’s sports teams. I am female and really want to play football, as I used to play it everyday with my grandpa.)

Grandma: “Two of my grandchildren would like to play football just like their grandpa did.”

Registrar: “Names?”

(My grandma gives our names, and the registrar writes them down. I see I’ve been put down for ballet.)

Me: “Um, you put me in ballet. I want to play football.”

(The registrar looks at the paper and his eyes widen.)

Registrar: “I am REALLY sorry. It’s just that all girls that come here want to do ballet, so I got a habit of putting down girls for ballet.”

(The registrar rubs my name from ballet and re-writes it in football.)

Registrar: “What about the other two?”

Grandma: “Well, [Sister’s Name] here wants to do ballet and [Brother’s Name] wants to play basketball.”

(Their names are put down. The organizer looks over the registrar’s shoulder.)

Organizer: “Wait, you put a girl down in the wrong place. You put her in football. She should be in ballet!”

Me: “Actually, I’m the girl in football. I like football and want to follow in my grandpa’s footsteps.”

Organizer: “Oh, don’t be stupid. Girls hate football! They hate all sorts of sports!”

Me: “Really? Watch this.”

(I pull out my phone and show the organizer and registrar a video of me playing football against the toughest boy in school. Even though he is five grades higher than me I manage to beat him.)

Registrar: *smiling* “So I guess this strong, young lady will stay in football right?”

Organizer: “Fine, we start this Saturday. If you can survive the tests, you can join.”

(Surprise! I survived and played great!)

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Sadly, This Amounts To A Sex Life

, , , | Right | August 5, 2009

(A customer and her two teenagers come up to my register at the theater.)

Me: “Welcome to [Movie Theater]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Why is 28 Days Later rated R?”

Me: “Violence, bad language, intense scenes, and nudity.”

Customer: “What kind of nudity?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t know. Let me ask.”

(I turn off the mic and turn to my manager.)

Me: “What kind of nudity is in 28 Days Later?”

Manager: “Male.”

(I turn the mic back on and speak to the customer.)

Me: *to customer* “It’s male nudity.”

Customer: “Oh, we’re seeing this!”

Customer’s Teenagers: “Mom!”

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It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

| Right | December 31, 2013

(It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

(The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

Me: “Thank you for coming!”

Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

(The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

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A Truly Confusing Exchange

| Right | April 14, 2014

(I have a customer who is getting ready to travel out of the country. I often have people ask about using cash, travelers checks, and credit cards while abroad.)

Me: “… Another option that is available to you is using ATMs to get cash out once you are where you are going. That way you aren’t walking around and traveling with a large sum of cash.”

Customer: “Yeah, I can get some money and exchange it at a bank there.”

Me: “No, you can just get the money from the ATM directly without having to

exchange it.”

Customer: “But the money I get from the ATM is US dollar.”

Me: “No, the ATM dispenses the local currency.”

Customer: “Why can’t I get money from an ATM when I’m out of the country?”

Me: “You can. It will just be in the local currency.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! Why can’t I get US money from an ATM?!”

Me: “Because the ATM is not in the US. The same reason our ATM out front does not dispense any money other than US currency.”

Customer: “I just can’t understand why I can’t get my money when I’m traveling!”

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One Of The Bugbears Of The Service Industry

| Right | August 19, 2014

(I am working at a chain movie store. A young couple come in with two large cardboard boxes full of DVDs to sell back to us. I start the buy-back. I check about 10 DVDs for disk quality with no problem but when I open the next one, cockroaches literally explode out of it and all over me. Naturally, I scream, hurl the DVD away, and proceed to shake and twitch for five minutes. Once I get myself together I put the DVDs back in the box and call the customers back up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot complete your buy-back at this time. I found some cockroaches in one of the cases and don’t feel comfortable working with them. If you’d like to check over them yourselves I’d be glad to look at them when you bring them back.”

Young Woman: “You found what?”

Me: “Cockroaches.”

Young Woman: “Well, they’ve been sitting in a garage for months.”

Me: “If you go through them at home and bring them back I’ll be glad to help you then. But not today.”

Young Woman: “Okay. So, are you going to do the buy-back now?”

Me: “…no.”

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