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Needs To Wipe That From Her Own Memory

| Right | April 21, 2014

(We have a cell phone section of our store, which I know nothing about, and is the only department I don’t work in. An older man comes up to me holding out his phone, across the store from where phones are located. I’m a 20-year-old female.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Do you know anything about cell phones?”

Me: “Sorry, no, but I can take you over to [Coworker], who does.”

(I start to walk over to phones, but he stops me first and takes out his phone.)

Customer: “Do you think I need more memory on my phone? You see, I have to hide this from my wife.”

(He opens his pictures and videos. All there is is p*rn.)

Me: “Uhm… I don’t know… Let me take you to [Coworker.]”

(I start to walk again, and again he stops me.)

Customer: “Look how clear the videos are!”

(He starts playing a video, of hardcore p*rn.)

Me: “Uh… yeah, it’s very clear. But I really don’t know anything about phones so…”

(He keeps playing video after video, and finally a male coworker walks by.)

Me: “Hey! [Coworker], can you help this ‘gentleman’ with his phone and memory cards?”

(I practically ran away.)

The Drugs Don’t Work, They Just Make It Worse

| Working | March 25, 2014

(I’ve been having tremendous pain in my ankle for a year. I’ve been seeing an orthopedic surgeon for this entire span of time. He initially misdiagnoses the problem as a sprained ankle. After six months of excruciating pain, he sends me for X-Rays, which show a six-month old fracture. Three months later, the pain is just getting worse and worse, so he recommends I have an MRI done. I get the MRI and return to his office with the report, showing multiple effusions, a torn tendon, and a second tendon that is possibly torn. The swelling is so prominent, that the second tendon isn’t visible from any angle. I go see my orthopedic surgeon again.)

Me: “So, here’s the report showing at least one torn tendon.”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Yeah. What do you expect me to do about it?”

Me: “Well, after seeing you for a year, ANYTHING! Do ANYTHING!”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Well, you should go see somebody who specializes in ankles.”

Me: “You’re an orthopedic surgeon. You can’t treat this?”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Nope.”

Me: “Can you recommend somebody?”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Oh, I’m sure you can find somebody online.”

Me: “Or I can ask a trained professional who went through medical school and works in the field to recommend somebody who he has heard good things about.”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “I don’t know anybody.”

Me: “Fine. Do something. Do anything. Give me restrictions from work. Give me painkillers. Do anything.”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Well, whoever you see after can recommend that.”

Me: “A year. I’ve been seeing you for a year. Your misdiagnosis led to serious damage. You’ve wasted a year of my life. You’ve kept me in excruciating pain for A YEAR. You are going to do SOMETHING today. NOW.”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Fine. I’ll write you a script for Vicodin.”

Me: “No. I’ve told you before, Vicodin does nothing for me. If I have to resort to narcotics, I’d rather not take those that are useless for me. I’d really rather have Tramadol. *an anti-inflammatory painkiller that is non-narcotic*

Orthopedic Surgeon: “Okay.” *wanders away, returns about five minutes later with a prescription* Here. T”his is for nine days worth of Norco.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that medication. Tell me about it. It’s not in the same family as Vicodin, is it?”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “No, no. Not at all. It’s more like codeine.”

Me: “I can’t have Tramadol?”

Orthopedic Surgeon: “No, this will be more helpful.”

(I leave, still angry and go to the pharmacy to fill the prescription. And yes, folks, Norco is essentially Vicodin. I scheduled an appointment with a new orthopedic surgeon who immediately scheduled me for surgery and wrote me a prescription for Tramadol.)

He Got BUS-ted

| Right | October 10, 2013

(I’m at the busiest train station in the state, waiting to get out of the station to grab some lunch whilst I wait for my train. I get stuck behind a man whose train ticket will not allow him to exit through the ticket gates.)

Passenger: “Excuse me, my ticket isn’t working!”

Employee: “Oh, can I see your ticket, please?”

Passenger: “I bought this from a news agency. It’s supposed to work on all trains!”

(The passenger hands the employee a pre-paid bus ticket.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this ticket won’t work here. This is not a train ticket.”

Passenger: “But I bought it from a newsagent! It has to work!”

Employee: “I don’t know what else to tell you, mate. This ticket will not work on this service, and you have wasted your money. I can let you through the gate, though, if you’ll just step back to let the gate open.”

Passenger: “This is RIDICULOUS! This ticket is supposed to work! I used my hard-earned money on it! I spent Australian currency on this! Why isn’t it working?!”

(There is now a very long line of irate people waiting for the man to just go through the now open gate. The employee is dumbfounded as to why the man won’t just leave. I lose my temper because I’m hungry and my train is to leave shortly, so I step in.)

Me: “Dude. You bought the wrong ticket. That ticket is a bus ticket. Operative word: BUS. This is a train station.”

Passenger: “I don’t care! I bought it and therefore it should work!”

Me: “Yeah, it will work on a bus, but that brings us back to the original predicament: this is a train station, so your ticket will not work, no matter how much you harass people about it.”

Passenger: “Nobody asked you, you little b****.”

Me: “No, you’re right; nobody asked me. But I’m f****** hungry, and you are holding up a few dozen people. So please shut up, accept the fact that you screwed up, and get out of the way.”

Passenger: “You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you?”

Me: “I do, and I’d like to fill it with food, so please get the f*** out of my way.”

(The passenger storms off, and I ask the employee if she can keep the gate open for me as I don’t want my ticket to get rejected on the way back through. She lets me through, and I go to get some food and come back. As I come back to the gate, there is a security guard and another employee standing with the first employee. The security guard approaches me with a notepad.)

Security Guard: “Excuse me, miss: I just have a question for you. Are you in any way affiliated with [rail company] as a contractor or employee?”

Me: “No, I’m just trying to get to Woolongong to see a few friends.”

Security Guard: *closes notepad and smiles* “Thanks for that. That guy you told off? He tried to file an official complaint against you. He wouldn’t believe [Employee] when she said you don’t work here.”

Employee: “And thanks for that, by the way. Enjoy your trip to the coast!”

Whiplash Comeback

| Working | January 23, 2014

(I have recently been in a car accident, which resulted in a minor case of whiplash. My doctor sends me to a physical therapist. The physical therapist and I are close in age and quickly discover that we have very similar senses of humor. At this particular session, he is working with me and one older lady recovering from knee surgery.)

Physical Therapist: “Okay, [My Name]. Let’s work on some of those tender spots.”

Me: “Ow!”

Physical Therapist: “And we’ll start with that one.” *starts stretching my neck out*

Other Lady: “It looks like he’s pulling your head off from this angle.”

Physical Therapist: “I would never do that. Although I could probably break someone’s neck by hitting them at just the right point…”

Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, things you don’t want to hear your physical therapist say when he’s working on your neck!”

Why Everything Seems To Take Forever

, , , | Right | July 23, 2008

Library Patron: “I need to get on a computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry… as the sign on the sign-up computer says, the entire computer system is down.”

Library Patron: “Oh, I just need to check my email.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s everything.”

Library Patron: “Well, could you look up a book for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess I’m not clear. The ENTIRE system is down. We can’t do anything that involves the internet and that includes printing things out. We even use VOIP phones so we can’t call out.”

Library Patron: “Oh. Well, just look up what I have checked out right now, and tell me when it’s due.”

Me: “I can’t do that, either.”

Library Patron: “Can you check my email for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We use the same system.”

Library Patron: “But, I saw you typing!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m working on a report on the word processor. This is something that doesn’t use the Internet.”

Library Patron: “Well, when will the computers be fixed?”

Me: “We don’t know.”

Library Patron: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s broken. If we knew what was wrong, we’d be fixing it.”

Library Patron: “Does this happen often?”

Me: “Nope.”

Library Patron: “So you are saying it’s just a coincidence that the first time I need to use the computer, the system is down?”

Me: “Well, yes.”

Library Patron: “Do you actually do anything useful here?”

Me: “Well, normally I’d be troubleshooting the problem with the system, but for the past ten minutes, I’ve been having to answer your questions about it.”

Library Patron: *stomps off*