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Great stories from our entire backlog!

Over The Gray, Bland Rainbow

, , | Right | May 6, 2009

Customer: “Something is wrong with this movie. The box said it was in color, but it’s black and white.”

Me: “Haven’t you ever seen The Wizard of Oz before?”

Customer: “No, but it says ‘color’ on the box.”

Me: “The beginning is in black and white. It will turn to color.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid.”

Assuming Makes An Essay Out Of You And Me

, | Learning | April 9, 2013

(I’m a teacher and decide to grab some fast food for lunch. I am wearing a large coat that makes me look overweight.)

Employee: “Welcome to—holy s***, dude! What’s a whale like you doing here? Surely you’ve had enough junk food?”

Me: “Charming. Either way, I’ll have a—”

Employee: “No! I refuse to serve someone as fat as you. Go join a gym or something!”

(At this point, I remove my coat and show him the ‘fat’ is actually toned muscle.)

Me: “I’ll tell you what,: you apologise, get me my food and I’ll—”

(I stop mid-sentence as I recognize the employee.)

Me: “Wait, you’re in my class aren’t you? In that case, I’m expecting a full essay about how to treat others and how to behave in a workplace on my desk the first thing Monday morning.”

(The employee’s face goes pale as he rushes through my order. Not only did I get to have a bit of fun, but he even came through and gave me a half decent essay on Monday!)

Anti-Bigotry Bigotry

| Right | March 27, 2014

(I am a male host at my father’s restaurant. My very flamboyant boyfriend has come to pick me up at the end of my shift.  I need to seat the customers first, so I asked him to step out of line.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That boy wants to eat in this restaurant, and you’re refusing him service because he’s gay?! Let me speak to your boss!”

(I go and fetch my dad, who’s having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.)

Dad: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “That host is a homophobe! He asked that gay boy to move so he could seat the rest of us! I demand that you fire him!”

Dad: “First of all, that’s my son, and—”

Customer: “I guess you’re homophobic, too, then.  Huh? Did you teach him that homosexuality is wrong and disgusting?”

(She continues shouting abuse for a few minutes. My dad patiently waits until she was done talking.)

Dad: “Second of all, the gay boy he supposedly refused service to is his boyfriend, who is here to pick my son up for their date.”

Customer: “Oh, uh…”

(She politely apologized to all three of us, and told my boyfriend and me to have fun on our date. Moral of the story: Don’t assume that everything you see is a hate crime!)

Looking For Excitement In The Workplace

, | Right | April 28, 2014

(A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

(He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)

Military Intelligence, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2009

(I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…)

Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

Sailor #1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.”

Me: “Okay. What size do you want?”

Sailor #1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Yeah, go on then.”

Sailor #1: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the States?”

Sailor #2: “Yeah! Good point, man!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they are made with ice.”

Sailor #2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?”

Me: “…”

Sailor #1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!”

Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?”

Sailors #1 & #2: “Yeahhh…”

(Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did, in fact, taste the same as they did back home.)