Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4

| Right | July 23, 2012

(An older visitor and his wife approach me at a public swimming pool.)

Visitor: “How deep is your pool?”

Me: “It ranges from 3 feet to 12 feet.”

Visitor: “So the water surface isn’t level?!”

Me: “No, the water gradually gets deeper, but the surface of the water stays level.”

Visitor: “That can’t be right! If the water is deeper in some areas than others, the surface can’t be level!”

(Unsure of how to explain it without sounding patronizing, I tell him to just go look at the water. A few minutes later, he leaves without a word. His wife follows.)

Visitor’s Wife: *laughing* “I think he gets it now…”

 

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May Also Cancel Brain Waves

| Right | July 24, 2010

(I am helping a customer looking at headphones. He reads one of the tags out loud.)

Customer: “Black noise canceling headphones. There’s such a thing as black noise?”

Me: “Sir, those are the color of the headphones.”

Customer: “Oh, because I’ve heard of that white noise, are you sure it doesn’t just cancel the black noise?”

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Sadly The Whine Will Dine

| Working | August 16, 2014

(The supermarket is unusually busy, with long queues at the tills. I only have a dozen items in my basket, and walk up to the shortest queue.)

Cashier: *looking up at me* “Sorry, I’m closing this lane after this lady.”

Me: “Oh, fine.”

(I move to the next queue along. Another customer with a trolley full joins the short line.)

Cashier: “Sorry, I’m closing this lane after this lady.”

Customer: *whining, sighing, making a childish fuss* “Oh, but, oh please… I just … oh… please…”

Cashier: “Okay. Go on, then…”

(I hate it when whiners and complainers get special treatment. It’s a kick in the pants for polite, respectful customers!)

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Ghosts Of Halloween’s Past

, , | Right | November 1, 2016

(I work at a seasonal store that specializes in Halloween merchandise, such as costumes and decorations. As a result, we are always busiest at the end of October and have signs posted all over the store, especially at the registers, stating that we do not accept returns or issue refunds after October 31st. It is now the first week of November, so we are already very busy with discount and clearance sales when this call comes in.)

Me: “[Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I came into your store earlier today to return the costume I bought for my daughter, but your people wouldn’t give me my money back.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but since it is after Halloween, all sales are final. We aren’t offering returns at this time.”

Customer: “But we don’t need it anymore! I don’t want to have this costume, so I want to return it and get my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not possible. Was there anything wrong with the costume?”

Customer: “No, but it’s after Halloween. We don’t need it anymore! Can I talk to a manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m the manager on duty today. We can’t accept a return on a seasonal item when there’s nothing wrong with it. You could always save the costume for next year and use it again.”

Customer: “I don’t want this costume for next year! I want to return it and get my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “And stop saying you’re sorry! You keep saying you’re sorry but you aren’t helping me! If you say that you’re sorry one more time then I’m going to come down there and kick your ass! Now, are you going to tell me you’re sorry again?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well, are you going to help me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not.” *click*

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A Father’s Love Is Very Console-ing

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, could you give me some advice please?”

Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was looking to buy a Nintendo 360 for my son.”

Customer’s Son: “Dad! It’s an Xbox360!”

Customer: *to me* “This is how much help I need. Would you please?”

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