Never Heard Of Sausage Idiot

| England, UK | Right | June 30, 2011

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “I want a refund on this instant barbecue. It’s no good.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “The picture on the front shows meat on the grill, but there’s no meat inside this box.”

(I am dumbfounded, but I don’t argue. The shop has a ‘no-quibble’ returns policy.)

Me: “Well, I can refund that for you sir. Do you have a receipt?”

(The customer hands over receipt.)

Me: “I can see you bought three of these barbecues, sir. Where are the other two?”

Customer: “At home in the freezer.”

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You Should Meet Mr. For Dummies

, , , | | Right | March 9, 2009

Customer: “Do you have any Feng Shui books?”

Me: “Yes, let me show you where they are.”

(I take the woman to the Feng Shui section.)

Customer: “Wow, she wrote a lot of books!”

Me: “Who did?”

Customer: “Miss Feng Shui.”

Me: “Yes… Yes, she did.”

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Not Getting Carried Away With Customer Service

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | September 19, 2014

(It is just before Christmas and I’m heavily pregnant. I’ve also injured myself to the point where I need a cane to walk. I’ve ordered all my shopping online to avoid unnecessary travel. This occurs when the delivery guy shows up. The man rings my doorbell and drops a heavy box on my porch. I waddle over to get it. We make eye contact as I struggle to lift the box inside. The guy quickly turns around back to his van.)

Me: “Hi. Could—”

(He’s back at the van at this point, looking very much like he’s trying to ignore me. Suddenly he heads back again.)

Me: “Could you please hel—”

(He thrusts the invoice at me, barely looking.)

Delivery Guy: “I forgot; you need to sign this.”

Me: “Okay, but could you help me carry—”

(He grabbed the signed order and rushed off, leaving me to handle the package alone. The best part? A few days later, another package arrived. The woman who delivered it went out of her way to help me move the box inside to a convenient spot. Same company and everything!)

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Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

| Texas, USA | Right | July 29, 2011

Customer: “I need help, anyone!”

Me: *rushing over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That TV is showing bad things!”

(The TV in question is playing movie trailers on loop.)

Me: “Which trailer did you find offensive?”

Customer: “The one with the girl that is saying the girl is perfect! Nobody’s perfect!”

(At that moment, a trailer for a new Barbie movie comes on.)

Customer: *screaming* “That’s the bad movie!”

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Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

| | Right | December 4, 2009

(Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

Me: “Hey Mr.***. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Um, hi…uh…do you by any chance have a twin?”

Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

Customer: “No! It’s not you, I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

(I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

Me: “Hey Mr.***, how’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Oh ***, there you are! We we just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

 

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