Knock Your Socks Off

| Right | March 11, 2014

(I’m the cashier. The store has a rewards loyalty card. The transaction has been normal up to this point.)

Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

Customer #1: “No, I do not! I was fired from this store because I wore the wrong colored socks! So I refuse to get a rewards card.”

(The customer suddenly throws her credit card at me. I’m speechless so I just finish the transaction in stunned silence.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

(Customer #1 huffs out of the store. The customer behind her comes up to the register with a dumbfounded look on his face.)

Customer #2: “I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn’t the reason she was fired.”

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Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

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This Is Soda-Pressing

| Right | July 7, 2013

(I’m taking an order for delivery on the phone.)

Caller: “What kind of soda do you have?”

Me: “Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

Caller: “Hmm… I’d like a Mountain Dew!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have that. We only have Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

Caller: “Well, how about a Sprite then!”

Me: “We don’t have that either, only Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Mr. Pibb, and root beer.”

Caller: “Oh, Coke then!”

(The customer then shouts into the background.)

Caller: “Honey, do you want a soda? They have orange!”

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Ignoring Those Nuggets Of Information

, | Right | November 26, 2014

(At our restaurant we serve a nugget meal, which comes with 8 or 12 nuggets. It’s the #5, but many people order a #8 or #12, wanting the nuggets. When they order a #12, it’s pretty easy to catch the error, as we don’t have a #12, but the #8 gets mixed up a lot with the actual #8, which is a grilled chicken club sandwich. I make it a habit to double and triple check #8 orders just in case. It happens way more often than I’d like. It’s near closing time, and most of the other employees are cleaning or working the drive-thru. I’m the only one at the register.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like the #8 with sweet tea.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be the grilled chicken club meal with a sweet tea?”

Customer: “Um, yeah! That’s what I said!”

Me: “Okay, just double-checking. Your total will be [total].”

Customer: “Why would you need to check? I SAID a #8! What’s so hard?”

Me: “I apologize, sir. Just wanting to make sure it’s right.”

Customer: *getting very irate at what he seems to take as an insult to his intelligence* “Of course it’s right!! WHY WOULDN’T IT BE?”

Me: “Sorry, sir.”

(I finish ringing up his order, give him his drink, and his food, which has just come up.)

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(I help the next person, then two women step up to my register.)

Lady #1: “Hi, I’d like a #12, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t have a #12. Did you want the #5 with 12 nuggets instead?”

Lady #1: “Oh, yes! I’m so sorry! Didn’t mean to say that; I guess I was just thinking of the number I wanted and it came out wrong.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it. It’s no problem at all.”

Lady #2: “We’re paying together. I guess I shouldn’t order a #8 if I want nuggets, right?”

(She’s grinning, so I know she’s joking. I laugh.)

Me: “You’d really be surprised how often that happens, honestly—”

(Customer #1 suddenly storms back inside and to my register, cutting in front of the women.)

Customer #1: “You gave me the wrong thing! Why is there a sandwich in here?”

Me: “Sir, if you’ll wait just a minute, I’ll finish this order and then help you, as there are no other customers in line.”

Customer #1: “NO! I am in a hurry and you messed up my order!”

(I already know what his problem is, but I’m not about to help him over the other women who were already at my register.)

Me: “Sir, please wait just a minute, okay?”

Customer #1: *ignoring me* “I ordered a nugget meal and got a sandwich! I demand you fix this for free! How hard is it to get my food right?”

Lady #1: “Oh, go ahead. We’re not in a rush.”

Me: “Are you sure, ma’am?”

Lady #2: “Yeah, it’s fine.”

Me: “Okay. Now, sir, may I have your receipt?”

(He thrusts it in my face.)

Customer #1: “I ordered an #8 and I got this sandwich!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, the #8 is our chicken club sandwich. I remember taking this order a few minutes ago, and I repeated your order to you to make sure it was right. You did say it was.”

Customer #1: “I wanted the nuggets, idiot! How hard is it to know I wanted the 8 nuggets?”

Me: “I do apologize, sir—”

Customer #1: “Don’t apologize! Fix! It! Now!”

Lady #1: “Sir, you need to calm down. I ordered the wrong thing by accident, too, but I’m not acting like a child about it. If you ordered wrong and told her it was right when she repeated your order, it’s your own fault. Buy the nuggets if you want, but don’t make them give you free food over your own mistake.”

Lady #2: “And you’d better hurry if you’re in such a rush.”

Customer #1: “Fine! Do you sell the nuggets by themselves?”

(We do, and I ring up his order. He leaves in a huff after getting his nuggets.)

Lady #1: “You weren’t kidding about people mixing those combos up, honey!”

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Out Of Gas And Out Of Patience

| Right | July 26, 2013

(It is the winter in the 70s, when people get their gas ration for the week according to the last number on the license plate. It is around 6am, and I need to drive to the gas station, get around the line of cars waiting, and open the pump. A customer in line starts shouting at me.)

Customer: “Hey! Kid! Quit cutting in the d*** line! I’ve been here an hour in this d*** cold! You can get your d*** gas when I’m done!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just got to—”

Customer: “Don’t give me that; quit cutting in the line! Get to the back!”

(The customer proceeds to block his car in. I get out and walk to the pump. Other customers greet me by name, ask about the family, etc. Soon the irate customer pulls up to the pump.)

Customer: “Fill it.”

Me: *hangs the handle up* “I’m sorry, we’re out.”

Customer: “But I’ve been sitting here running my car!”

Me: “You should have thought of that before I had to walk up. Other customers used more gas, too. See you next week!”

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