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Love Isn’t As Priceless As It Used To Be

, , , , , , | Right | March 2, 2010

(I work in a toy store where customers can custom-build their own stuffed animals. A father and young daughter approach.)

Me: “Welcome to [Toy Store]. Have you picked out an animal to be stuffed today?”

Little Girl: “Yes!”

(We proceed to stuff the bear and the little girl grabs one of the ‘push to talk’ buttons and hands it to me.)

Me: “Okay, you want to get the ‘I love you’ button put in today?”

Father: “Hold on a second. Baby, what’s this thing?”

Little Girl: “He puts it in the bear for me and when you push it, it says ‘I love you’!”

Father: “How much does this thing cost?”

Me: “Five dollars, sir.”

Father: “S***! For five dollars, baby, I’ll tell you I love you! Go put that thing back.”


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Of All The Times To Dial A Wrong Number

, , , | Friendly | March 9, 2008

(I am answering the phone at home and this guy calls us instead of the number he means to.)

Me: “Hello?”

Guy: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “What?”

Guy: “I’ve got the stuff for tonight; are you ready for it?”

Me: “Um, WHAT?”

Guy: “You know what, babe…”

Me: “I think you have the wrong number…”

Guy: “Oh, good lord, I’m sorry! BYE!” *click*

(My mother and I laughed about that one for a good five minutes.)

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Wants To Have Her Cake And Eat It

| Right | July 6, 2015

(I work as a cake decorator. A woman and her seven-year-old daughter come into the store to order a birthday cake for the girl. The mother argues with her daughter over which cake to get, consents to let the girl have the cake she wants, places the order, then returns a couple days later with her daughter to pick up her order.)

Customer: “This isn’t the cake I ordered.”

(I proceed to go over the order form with her. We have a policy of reading back each order when it is placed to make sure we have all the information, and the customer had previously confirmed that the order was accurate. As I am the one who took the order, I know for a fact that I did this.)

Me: “According to your order form you ordered [cake decoration pack] in white buttercream, with “Happy Birthday [Daughter].”

Customer: “No, I ordered [other decoration pack], not this one! I want this cake for free since you messed up on it!”

Daughter: “Mom, we ordered this one, because this is the one I wanted!”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want this one. I wanted the other one!”

(I show the little girl her cake.)

Me: “Is this what you wanted your cake to look like?”

Daughter: “Yes! It’s perfect!”

Me: “Okay, here you go! You have a wonderful birthday!”

(I handed the cake to the girl, who was clearly impressed by the job we did. The mother glared at me and my coworkers before conceding victory to her daughter, then left to pay for the cake.)

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Don’t Call About Not Calling

| Right | February 14, 2012

(I am manning the phone line on a particularly busy night.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got this letter from you which says I don’t need to contact you again unless I have any questions.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The pause goes on for an uncomfortably long time while I wait for the customer to continue. Eventually, I crack.)

Me: “Was there anything you’d like to go over?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay.”

(Another uncomfortably long silence.)

Me: “Then, thanks very much for calling.”

Customer: “No problem. Bye!” *hangs up*

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Free Derange

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what does free-range chicken mean?”

Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken-scratch so they can read it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”


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