(My sister is babysitting me while getting her car serviced and MOT’d. The garage she has it done at doesn’t have the tires she uses so she is sent to a recommended garage. While my sister isn’t the brightest at times, one thing she is an expert on is cars.)

Sister: “Yes, I just need my front passenger side tire changed with [Make], please.”

Mechanic: “We can check all your tires, just to be sure.” *winks*

Sister: “No. I just need the one, thank you.”

Mechanic: “Sure… I’ll do the full check, just for you.” *winks*

(We both get a bad vibe from him, but my sister just shrugs. He comes back ten minutes later.)

Mechanic: “Looks like you need four new tires. They’re all below the limit. I can’t legally let you leave on those. I recommend [Expensive Make], as they’re more durable than your own.”

Sister: “May I?”

(She extends her hand for the clipboard the mechanic is using. He offers it and she examines it.)

Sister: “Okay, we’re going to go out to my car, and this time we’ll check my tires together.”

Mechanic: “I don’t think that’s necessary—”

(My sister is already through the door, me closely behind. The mechanic reaches us as we get to her car.)

Sister: “Go on, then.”

(The mechanic grudgingly kneels down and does the check. My sister kneels down and grabs his instrument before he finishes and does her own check.)

Sister: “This is how you check tire tread.”

Mechanic: *wide eyed* “H-how do you know that?”

(My sister ignored him and finishes her own check, compares the two measurements and motions for me to get in the car.)

Sister: *handing empty clipboard* “[Garage] will be very interested to see these.” *gets in car*

Mechanic: “They would even know what you’re talking about, stupid b****!”

Sister: “I think they will, given I’m best student they’ve had.”

(We left and dropped by my sister’s garage. She handed the inspection sheets over and disappeared from view for a few minutes. When she got back she said one thing to me: “blacklisted.” The formerly recommended garage was closed due to bankruptcy within a year, as no one would touch it.)

(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)

Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out; you could have that.”

Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”

Me: “Well, then, take the fresh one.”

Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”

Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”

Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”

Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs. Why not take two of them?”

Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey, too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”

Me: *exasperated*

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(A customer calls in, requesting tips for how to get rid of the ants in his garden. I give him several tips but he is very patronizing throughout the call and rather rude.)

Me: “…or, if neither of those things work, come winter, you can try and freeze the ant-hill from within.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You take an iron rod and stick it as far into the ground as possible, and leave it there over winter, and—”

Customer: “So, how far down do I need to stick it?”

Me: “Well, as far as you can, to make sure you get it through their entire colony. One meter is usually recommended.”

Customer: *in a very condescending tone* “Hah, you obviously don’t know what you are talking about! Let me tell you, I live on the WEST COAST. The soil here is no deeper than half a meter at most! There is no possible way I can stick an iron rod a whole meter down into the ground. I would obviously hit the bedrock way before that. So there is no way your stupid suggestion would work to get rid of the ants. I could never penetrate their entire colony.”

Me: “…but, if there is bedrock half a meter down, the ants cannot live further down either.”

Customer: “Oh. I never thought about that. I guess you are right. Do you have any more suggestions?”

(He was very polite and grateful after that!)

(A customer walking out of the theater for “Captain America” with her two kids starts talking to me. She’s about 45 years old.)

Customer: “My goodness, the Nazis were awful people!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “I’m just glad that terrible Red Skull got what was coming to him.”

Me: “Yeah, it was a pretty sweet ending.”

Customer: “It’s funny. I don’t remember learning about him or Captain America in the history books.”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah. Weird, right?”

Customer’s Son: *to me* “No, dude. She’s not kidding.”

Customer: “Kidding about what?”

(Embarrassed, her two kids try to walk briskly away from her.)

Customer: *chasing after her kids* “Whaaat?! What is it?!”

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling Customer Support, my name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “I would like to cancel my prescription to the Internet.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you said… prescription?”

Customer: “Yes, I went with a high-speed provider! I don’t need my prescription with you anymore!”

Me: “…have you checked to see if that was okay with your doctor?”