Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Great stories from our entire backlog!

[Insert Apple Joke Here]

, , | Right | April 10, 2008

(Telephone technical support for a printer manufacturer.)

Customer: “First of all, I’m a Mac tech, so I know what the h*** I’m doing; let’s get that straight right away!”

Me: “Okay.”

(It turned out he needed to reinstall some fonts, so we got the installer started.)

Customer: “It says, ‘Insert Disk One.’ What should I do?”

Me: “Um, insert disk one…”

South Paw Prophecy

, , , | Right | January 8, 2009

Me: “Hello there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like a refund on this item, please.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, sir.”

(I start filling out a refund sheet.)

Customer: “Oh! I see that you’re left-handed!”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “I pity you…”

Me: “Um… and why should I be pitied, exactly?”

Customer: “How long did your parents live?”

Me: “Er… both of my parents are very much alive, sir.”

Customer: “Oh? What about your grandparents?”

Me: “I saw them a few days ago. They’re alive too, and in great health.”

Customer: “How old are they?”

Me: *telling him their ages* “They’re in great shape.”

Customer: “Then you will die at the age of 70!”

Me: “Here’s your refund, sir…”

Customer: “I wish it weren’t so… good luck to you.”

Me: “Okay…”

Thankfully, These Students Have No Hidden Agender

| Learning | July 2, 2013

(I am tutoring a group of fourth and fifth graders. I’m female.)

Me: “Okay, guys. Just to let you know, I will not be here on Friday. I am taking the day off.”

Student #1: “What? You’d rather be somewhere else than here with us?”

Me: “Well, if you must know… it’s my anniversary on Friday.”

(The students of course loudly react. After shushing them, I explain a bit further, trying to be vague so I can have privacy.)

Me: “I’m not married. But it is the second anniversary of our first date.”

Student #2: “Does he live with you?”

Me: *finally deciding to bite the bullet* “No, she does not live with me.”

Student #3: “You have a girlfriend?”

Me: “Yes. I do. And we’re not going to talk about it anymore because it’s not important.”

(We go on with the activity for awhile.)

Student #4: “So…”

Me: “Yes, [Student #4]?”

Student #4: “Is your girlfriend a boy or a girl?”

A Shake As Thick As Your Skull

, | Right | July 22, 2011

Customer: “I’d like to order two large chocolate thickshakes, but I don’t want them to be too thick.”

Me: “Well, would you like milkshakes then?”

Customer: “No, I want thickshakes. Just don’t make them too thick.”

Me: “Well, milkshakes are less thick versions of–”

Customer: *explodes* “NO! I WANT THICKSHAKES!”

You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Job Description

, | Right | September 1, 2011

(I am a cashier at a costume store. A young boy and his mother come up to pay. The mother is busy texting. The boy has a police officer costume in his hand.)

Boy: “Mommy, now I can really play sodomy!”

Mom: *not paying attention* “That’s nice, sweetie.”

Me: *confused* “Playing sodomy?”

Boy: “Sodomy, like when you pretend to be the police.”