(A discount big-box store has just opened up a block from my job. I get to work very early one day, and decide to swing by and check it out. The prices are very good so I pick up a few things, but I lose track of time. By the time I get to the register, I’m cutting it a little close to get to work on time.)

Cashier: “That’s [price], and you even get a coupon for your next visit!”

Me: “That’s really great, thanks!”

Cashier: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up? It’s free.”

Me: “Can I sign up online or something? I’d love to have the card, but I’m really running short on time.”

Cashier: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t think you can do that.”

Me: “Oh, okay, I’ll just sign up the next time I’m in.”

(I take my purchases and leave. A few days later I get off work early and so am able to stop in without time constraint. I get a couple more things and go to the register to be checked out.)

Cashier #2: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No, can I sign up here?”

Cashier #2: “Sure, I can have you fill out the form here, or you can do it online at your convenience.”

Me: *facepalm*

(I used to work for a call center that handled an American credit card account. My coworker relayed the following transaction to me.)

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I have your account here; could you verify your full name please?”

Customer: *garbled name*

Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t quite catch that… could you spell it for me please?”

Customer: “T…O…Wee…”

Customer Service Rep: “Sorry, was that P?”

Customer: “No, Wee.”

Customer Service Rep: “E? As in Eagle?”

Customer: “NO! Wee! Wee!”

Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand…”

Customer: “Wee! As in Wictor! As in WICTORY!”

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”

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(My college has a free laser tag game set up in the courtyard by a local group. One of the players, a boy I know fairly well, is knock-kneed to the point of it being a minor disability, and slowing his steps tremendously. He is a good shot, however, and wishes to play. We have about three rounds when a woman storms up to the two men running the event as we all re-load.)

Woman: “Why are you letting them pick on this poor boy?”

Employee #1: “Pick on… who?” *looks at group, confused*

Woman: *points at the knock-kneed boy* “Him!”

Me: “We’re picking on you?”

Boy: “No, don’t think so. I’m having fun!”

Woman: “How can you have fun? They can all run around, and you can’t! You have to hold still!”

Boy: “A lot of people hold still, there are the forts to hang onto.”

Girl: “And thanks for reminding him about the disability, lady.”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I assure you [company] does not allow bullying in its games.”

Woman: “You can’t let disabled people play sports! They feel discriminated against!”

Employee #1: “So, in order not to discriminate against this boy by letting him play, we should discriminate against him by not letting him play?”

Woman: “I’m reporting this!” *storms off to the help desk*

(She found out that the help desk was student run, and the boy running it was the knock-kneed boy’s former roommate. She was laughed out!)

(My Continental Rationalism professor is trying to explain Spinoza to the class.)

Professor: “So in Spinoza’s pantheism, everything is constrained by natural law, correct? So why does this give traditional theists, the Christians and the Jews, conniption fits? Hmmm?”

Class: *stares silently*

Professor: “Well, if things can only happen in accordance with certain rules, what does that eliminate, in traditional theism?”

Class: *continues staring*

Professor: “Imagine that this here, all this in front of me, imagine that it’s all water. Now I walk on it. What do we call that? Yes, you, in the front there.”

Me: “Winter, sir.”

(The correct answer of course was a miracle, but the prof did have to admit I was right!)