Great stories from our entire backlog!
(I am a volunteer at the zoo, and I am walking around an exhibit room with a boa constrictor in my arms so people can pet her.)
Man: “Can we pet it? It’s not slimy, is it?”
Me: “No, sir, not at all. She’s very sweet; go ahead.”
Man: *pets snake* “Wow, it’s really soft.” *reaches for my head* “Let’s see if its handler is, too…”
Me: “?!” *dodges his hand*
(Thankfully, he left quickly!)
This story is part of our Snakes roundup!
(A customer is getting a beauty treatment done and is trying to work out why she has skin problems.)
Customer: “I just don’t understand it. I take really good care of my skin. I get facials and I only use really good make-up.”
Me: “Well, the problem could be caused by something really simple, like an allergic reaction. Have you always used the same brand of make-up?”
Customer: “Yes, and I only use the best! I can’t be allergic! I don’t ever use the cheap stuff!”
Me: “It’s probably something else, then. What do you use to remove your make-up?”
Customer: “Like… what?”
Me: “When you take off your makeup at night, what do you use?”
Customer: *silence*
Me: “Do you use a cleanser or soap and water?”
Customer: “I don’t take it off. Are you supposed to?”
Me: “Well, yes. Make-up can cause damage to your pores if you wear it constantly. Why don’t you take it off?”
Customer: “In case I have to answer my door when I’m asleep.”
Me: “In your sleep?”
Customer: “Don’t judge my social life! You probably don’t have many friends!”
(I’m working for a small IT services provider. We do not stock things, but we order them for customers if needed. A customer orders a laptop because he wants to be able to work from home or when he’s travelling. No problem so far. I order a laptop that is suited for his needs, and install and prepare it according to his wishes. This customer is notoriously difficult to deal with. He has no idea about computers — getting him to open a website can take five minutes alone — often has complicated or even impossible requests, and is conveniently forgetful when it comes to paying bills. This happens when he comes by to get the laptop.)
Me: *opens laptop, plugs in power cable, turns on laptop*
Customer: “What’s that?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Customer: “The cable. What’s that?”
Me: “The power cord.”
Customer: “What does it do?”
Me: “It… provides power to the laptop.”
Customer: “What? Why?”
Me: “Because the laptop needs power.”
Customer: “No! I specifically ordered a laptop because it doesn’t need power!”
Me: “There might be a misunderstanding. A laptop needs power, like any other electronic device does. However, laptops have built-in batteries so they don’t need to be plugged into the wall all the time. If you’re doing normal work, the battery will last for up to eight hours until it needs to be charged again.”
Customer: “No, no! This won’t do! I specifically asked for something that does not need power, and you said that’s no problem! I don’t want to have to use an outlet!”
Me: “Am I understanding this correctly? You want something that doesn’t need to be charged, ever?”
Customer: “Yes! Now you understand!”
Me: “All right. Give me a moment.”
(I walk into the storeroom and grab a folder, a pad of paper, and a ballpoint pen, which I hand to him.)
Me: “There you go. It’s on the house. Just keep in mind you’ll have to replace the pen at some point.”
(The customer just stared at me for a moment, then shoved the stuff back at me and stormed out. He later complained to my boss, but my boss, having had enough with the customer’s attitude and payment behaviour himself, only laughed. On the plus side, the next day another customer called. His laptop had died and he desperately needed replacement as he had plans to go on a business trip the day after. Since we still had the other customer’s laptop, we could provide a replacement the same day.)
(It is a hot and buggy day, and a guest enters with her friend. They are talking loudly, and make a beeline for the elevators. With their backs turned to me, I see a large spider hanging on the back of the guest. The guest is oblivious because she keeps talking to her friend, who doesn’t notice.)
Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, ma’am!”
(The guest ignores me and disappears in the elevator.)
(I don’t think anything of it until a few minutes later; I get a call from her room.)
Me: “Hello, guest services. How may I help you?”
Guest: “Yes, you can help me by giving me a refund RIGHT NOW!”
Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”
Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! I didn’t pay $200 for a room that has BUGS! I just came back and laid down and then found a BUG on my pillow!”
Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry about that, ma’am.”
Guest: “You better be! This is outrageous! You all are THEIVES!”
Me: “Well, I’ll just send the manager up to help you.”
Guest: “Fine! I’m not lying!”
(I send the manager up and he comes back later to say that there was a spider on the guest’s pillow. He described it and sure enough, it was the exact same spider the guest had brought in with her from outside. It had crawled into her hair, and got smashed on her pillow! The manager explained this to her, but the guest didn’t believe it, and called us all liars and con artists.)
(To make it easier to keep track of how long things have been in our store, the date is printed on their tags along with a corresponding color. Right now we’re running a 50% off sale for almost every tag color except two, and there are multiple signs on our walls telling our customers this. A customer walks in briskly and approaches my counter without even looking at me.)
Customer: “I don’t want to think today. You’re going to tell me the price of things.”
Me: “Uh… okay?”
(The customer shoves a coat in my face.)
Customer: “How much is this?”
Me: “Well, what does the tag say?”
Customer: “I don’t want to think!”
Me: *looks at tag* “Well, it says that it’s $69. It’s also printed on a mint green tag. That means it’s 50% off right now.”
Customer: “I don’t want to think about it! How much is that?”
Me: “Well, half of 70 is 35, so it will be about $35.”
(The customer leaves the coat on my counter, and walks away in a huff. She then brings up another coat.)
Customer: “How much is this one?”
Me: “Well, what does that tag say?”
Customer: “I don’t know! I don’t want to think about it!”
Me: “The tag says it’s $99, and since it’s an orange tag, there’s no discount on it today.”
(The customer throws this coat down on top of the other, then proceeds to bring me a third.)
Customer: “How much is this one?”
Me: “Well, what does the tag say?”
Customer: “I already told you that I don’t want to think about it!”
(She walks out of my store angrily. Meanwhile, one of the regulars who was in the store and witnessed the entire exchange comes up to me.)
Regular: “Wow. She didn’t even say thank you.”
