(I am with my sister-in-law, helping her buy a used car. She decides on a car, and we sit down to negotiate.)

Salesman: “My manager says that your offer is fine, except…”

Sister-In-Law: “Except?”

Salesman: “Well, the car was hit on our lot last week, so we’re going to add the cost of the repair, so your new total is [total].”

Me: “I’m sorry; explain that to me again? You’re asking her to pay for an accident that she had nothing whatsoever to do with?”

Salesman: “Well, someone has to pay for the repairs.”

Sister-In-Law: “No!”

(As we we’re leaving the lot, my sister-in-law looks at me confused.)

Sister-In-Law: “Did that really just happen?”

(At this point the manager comes running after us, and asks us to come back to the table. She ends up getting that car for several hundred less than she originally offered.)

Customer: “Can you tell me which milk is full fat, please?”

Me: “Of course. It’s this one with the blue lid.”

Customer: “But that says 4%. I don’t want 4%. I want full fat.”

Me: “The 4% means that 4% of the milk is fat, which is all of the fat milk has in it to begin with.”

Customer: “But I want full fat milk, not 4%.”

Me: “If it was 100%, then it would just be a bottle of fat, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t understand all this new healthy stuff…”

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(Our professor is unusually strict about using technology for non-school stuff in class.)

Professor: “[Student], I know you’re using your phone in class and it’s very disrespectful.”

Student: “I’m not on my phone.”

Professor: “Well, you’re staring at your lap, your arms are moving, and you’re laughing. Either you’re looking at something funny on your phone or you’re doing something far more inappropriate during my lecture. Either way, please stop.”

(I work at a bus depot which has trips running daily to Alberta. I’m not new to the job, and know pretty much all the common destinations.)

Customer: “My daughter needs a ticket to Dukin.”

Me: “Dukin? I’ve never heard of it. Where is it?”

Customer: “In Alberta! I know there’s a bus going to Dukin tonight! She took this trip last month. I know you guys go there, you know, Doo – kin. Dukin!”

Me: “It’s not in the computer. How do you spell it?”

Customer: “L – E – D… something…”

Me: “Leduc?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said: Dukin!”

(She buys tickets regularly now, and calls the city Dukin to this day.!)

(A client is calling to complain about a debt on his insurance policy.)

Customer: “…I know it’s not your fault. You’ve been understanding, but I have to say: the girl I spoke to this morning was awful! She said you were going to take money out of my bank account without my permission.”

(I begin scanning through all the notes since the inception of the policy.)

Me: “I’m not sure why anyone would advise you that, sir, because we don’t even have any facility to do that.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that, did I? She was rude, and abrasive, and she threatened me. I want her fired—”

(At this point, I come across the only note from today.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt you there. It was actually ME you spoke to this morning, and I said nothing at all about taking money from your account. I’ve got a written record of our conversation here, but if you’re insisting on taking the matter further, I can find a recording of the call to prove it to you, too.”

Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*