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Why Math Counts

, , , | Right | January 31, 2011

Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five-dollar one would save you more.”

Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”


This story is part of our “Customers terrible at math” roundup!

Read the next “Customers terrible at math” roundup story!

Read the “Customers terrible at math” roundup!

Giving His Leg A Clean Break

| Right | April 29, 2015

(Every month a cleaning company comes into our business to buff the tile floors. It is about 9:45 and we close at 10:00 so the last minute rush has begun. A middle-aged man enters and notices the cleaning crew mopping the floors.)

Man: *dramatically falls landing on his leg* “Ow! My leg! Why didn’t you tell me the floor was wet?” *followed by more moans of agony*

Me: “Sir, we have a problem.”

Man: “Of course we have a d*** problem! I just broke my f****** leg!”

Me: “Well… they haven’t even cleaned this side of the store yet.”

(Suddenly his yells of pain are silenced. Then, he stands up on his ‘broken leg’ and quickly darts out the door. But I did receive applause from both the other customers and the cleaning crew!)

Knot Possible

, | Right | May 14, 2013

(I work in the lumber department of my store. I spot an older customer, studying our 2×4 lumber. She looks very sour.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a 2×4, but I don’t want one with knots.”

Me: “Well, that’s going to be tricky with these. Just about every one that I’ve ever seen has a least a few knots here and there.”

Customer: “No, I need one with no knots. I’m working on a project and if there are knots, the wood will break.”

Me: “Well, I have some pieces of pine select; no knots in them at all!”

Customer: “Oh, I looked at those. They’re too expensive; I’m on a pension you know. What about that one up there? It looks clean.”

(The customer points to a fresh lift of lumber, and it indeed looks clean, but the home is full.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m willing to bet that they’ll have just as many knots as this lift.”

Customer: “Show me!”

(I begin the process of getting a driver, and pulling down the lift. Due to the fact that I have to close down the main lumber aisle to due so, two assistant managers are watching me. As they watch, I open the lift and start sorting through the pieces, showing the older lady that they all have knots in them.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

(After she leaves, one of the managers walks over to me.)

Manager: “What was wrong with the wood?”

Me: “She didn’t want any knots in her 2×4.”

Manager: “Yeah, find a tree without branches and we’ll give her a 2×4 without knots.”

No, Really: Sink Or Swim

, , , | Right | August 14, 2009

(I’m manning the rope swing we have at the deep end of the pool. A guy in his mid- to late-30s comes up to me.)

Guy: “Um, is this safe for me to have a go?”

Me: “Sure, adults can use this. You’ve just got to be able to swim in deep water.”

Guy: “Yes, yes. But it can hold my weight, right? It won’t break?”

Me: “No, it’s safe. The water would break your fall anyway.”

Guy: “Oh, okay.”

(The guy grabs the rope, swings out and purposely lets go. However, instead of swimming, he begins sinking to the bottom with his hands weakly flapping as he tries unsuccessfully to pull himself up. I immediately dive in and pull him up. After I’ve gotten him out…)

Guy: “You said it was safe!”

Me: “You said you could swim!”

The Lonely Star State

| Right | February 15, 2012

(I’m in the middle of explaining insurance coverages to a customer when I get to her roadside service information.)

Me: “…and you also have on here a 24/7 nationwide roadside service that will take care of your towing and any locksmith charges.”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “What part, ma’am?”

Customer: “24/7?”

Me: “Oh, that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

Customer: “Oh, and what does nationwide mean?”

Me: “That means all over the US, in any state.”

Customer: “Does that include Texas?”

Me: “Yes, Texas is part of the United States.”