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Great stories from our entire backlog!

Sure, Let Me Get On My Hamster Wheel

, , , | Right | August 21, 2008

(This was during a HUGE power outage in New York. The entire city was out of power.)

Me: “Thanks for calling, my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My TV is not working.”

Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

(I notice that the customer is in New York.)

Me: “The power is out through your entire city.”

Customer: “But my TV won’t turn on.”

Me: “Right, your TV runs on electricity, and won’t work without it.”

Customer: “I just want to watch TV! Why won’t it turn on?”

Me: “Can you go to a light switch and see if that works?”

Customer: “That’s not why I called! I want to watch TV.”

Me: “Without power, you won’t be able to watch your TV.”

Customer: “Then fix it!”

Respect The Uniform

| Right | November 6, 2013

(I work at an outdoor/clothing store over the summer sale period, and my uniform consists of a bright red, high neck sale top. Note: I am a female, and am fairly large-breasted. I am at the counter, scanning a customer’s order through. The customer is a middle-aged leering man, and is with a friend. He is nodding at me and laughing with his friend, motioning with his hands in pretend breasts. I decide to ignore this, as I have dealt with this before and I don’t really care too much. The customer continues laughing and staring.)

Customer: “God, I bet you’re a dirty s***.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Yeah you heard. Look at you, with your big boobs; you must be. You’re such a s*** with your tight uniform. I hate people like you.”

(I am slightly fuming at this stage, and shocked.)

Me: “Let me put this to you straight: the only person who is going to lose anything from this is you; do you know why?”

(The customer starts to argue, but I cut in.)

Me: “Yes, my uniform is tight, but it is a t-shirt in my normal size. If you look around at my other employees, you will see that they too wear the same uniform as me. I don’t choose what I wear here. It may look different on my body compared to another’s; it’s called body shape. You think having big breasts is a choice I made? I had no control over the growth of them, just as you have no control over your receding hairline. Finally, I have the right to not serve you at all. Being rude to staff by offending their lifestyle, which you know nothing about, or over how they look doesn’t make me want to serve you. If you want, I can void this order and return everything to the shelves.”

(The customer looks shocked, and is bright red. He says nothing.)

Me: “Do you have any points of an argument as to why you felt the need to discriminate me by my body shape? If so, I would love to hear them…”

(The customer stills says nothing.)

Me: “Would you like me to continue to scan your items? At the moment, for me, it’s still a no.”

Customer: “Yes, please. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Well, I suppose that will have to do. I hope you learn some god-d*** respect.”

(I finish scanning his items, and he leaves with his friend. My manager, who is serving next to me, looks at me and laughs.)

Manager: “I was going to say something to him, but you got there first. I couldn’t have said anything better than you just did.”

They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2010

Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

Me: “Well, what did he do?”

Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

(The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

Time To Shake Up The Establishment

| Working | September 18, 2013

(My friend and I are eating at a very well-known fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Could I have a chocolate shake, please?”

Cashier: “Sorry, we’re out of chocolate.”

Me: “Okay, could I have a strawberry then please?”

Cashier: “Sorry, we’re out of strawberry too.”

Me: “Then could I please have a vanilla?”

Cashier: “Let me just go make it.”

(I see that the mixture coming out of the machine looks strange. As soon as it starts coming out, I start calling to the cashier.)

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me? That doesn’t look right. Could I get something else please? Could you cancel the shake? Excuse me!”

(The cashier obviously hears me, but pretends she hasn’t. She finally slaps a lid on it and gives it to me. I take a sip and almost spit it out.)

Me: “I’m sorry; could you remake this or give me something else?”

Cashier: “WHY?!”

Me: “Because this is weirdly colored, has lumps of something in it, has so much vanilla flavoring that it’s actually bitter, and obviously isn’t fit to drink.”

Cashier: “Sorry, no. I’m not remaking it.”

Me: “If you’re not going to remake it could I have a refund then?”

Cashier: “No. No remakes, and no refunds.”

Me: “Is that your policy?”

Cashier: “No, but that’s what I’m doing.”

Me: “Can I have the manager please?”

Manager: *overhearing* “Sorry, no refunds.”

Me: “No problem. Could you just remake it then?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “You do understand you made this shake badly? I’m not drinking it; it’s too horrible-tasting to drink. That is in no way my fault. I even asked your cashier to change my order before she filled it.”

Manager: “No! It’s a perfectly good shake! We can’t remake something every time a customer thinks it’s not perfect.”

Me: “Oh yeah? You haven’t tried this one, buddy. Go on, try it.”

(He tries a bit of it. He gags at the taste, and then starts spitting out lumps with a disgusted look on his face.)

Me: “See? What did I tell you? Isn’t it horrible? Do you want a reputation for serving things like that?”

Manager: *to cashier* “…yeah, give her a refund.”

To Keel A Chicken Bird

, , | Right | March 22, 2010

Customer: “I’d like a piece of white meat.”

Me: “Would you like a rib or a keel?”

Customer: “What’s a keel?”

Me: “The center cut of the breast; the middle bone is the sternum.”

Customer: “What? No, that’s dark meat. The sternum is in the back of the animal.”

Me: “In chickens, they have an elongated sternum for their wing muscles.”

Customer: “I know every bone in the human body! The sternum is in the back!”