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Sinfully Delicious

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

(This bakery is a vintage style, family-owned bakery with custom names for each product.)

Customer: “As a man of the cloth, I know this is a weird order. But could I get a Hazel Feelgood and a Drunk Blondie?”


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Gotta Find Johnny Cash

| Right | October 29, 2014

(My office handles reports of fraud, but has a reputation for trying to help everybody who calls in, even if it’s nothing that we usually handle.)

Me: “[Office], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “This guy is getting benefit checks and he’s working! He does odd jobs around the trailer park where we both live.”

Me: “Okay. We’re not the right place for this, but if you tell me a little more about what’s going on, I can try to find the right place for you.”

Caller: “His name is Johnny, and I don’t know what his space number is.”

Me: “Do you know who he gets his checks from?”

Caller: “Nope, don’t see him at the mailbox. But he brags about it.”

Me: “Do you know what kind of benefit checks he’s getting?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m not sure on where to tell you to go.”

Caller: “Why don’t you take the information? You’re the fraud department, aren’t you? His name is Johnny, the trailer park is at [address], and he’s getting money from the government that he shouldn’t! Just write that down and investigate it.”

Me: “Do you have a surname for Johnny?”

Caller: “Nope.”

Me: *inwardly sighing* “Well, I’ll do my best to get this to the right people.”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

(At this point, my coworker comes over as I’m staring at the notes from the call.)

Coworker: “What was that all about?”

Me: “I think I’ve found the fraud line equivalent of ‘I once read a book. It was blue.'”

Conspiracy Weary, Part 2

| Right | July 11, 2012

(The town of Niagara on the Lake is celebrating the 200th anniversary of the war of 1812 and we occasionally get tourists asking about it. This tourist has been nice and friendly up to this point.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

Tourist: “I have a question. What’s all this 1812 stuff about?”

Me: “Well, 200 years ago, the United States went to war with the British in what is now Canada. Neith—”

Tourist: “THAT NEVER HAPPENED! THAT’S A LIE!” *stomps out of the store*

Me: *stunned*


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Waste Not, Want Not, Part 2

, , , , | Right | August 29, 2011

(It’s about two hours before closing and I’m cleaning up our breakfast area, which includes two rotating ovens that often have burnt bagels sitting in the back of them. A customer comes over after I’ve thrown the remaining ones in the trash. Keep in mind that it’s late at night.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m cleaning up the bagels for the night. I can’t believe the number of bagels people leave here sometimes.”

(The customer points at one of the more badly burnt bagels in the trash.)

Customer: “That’s mine.”

Me: *jokingly* “I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t suppose you still want it, do you?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.” *takes it out of the trash and walks off*


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H2-Slow, Part 8

, | Right | April 21, 2015

(An ‘Iced Cappuccino’ is a popular beverage at a particular fast-food chain all across Canada. It’s made with a very sugary syrup and ice.)

Customer #1: “I’d like an iced cappuccino, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Anything else?”

Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Do you want one?”

Customer #2: *looking horrified* “Oh, my goodness, definitely not. I’ll just have a water, please!”

Customer #1: “Oh, I thought you liked those?”

Customer #2: *dead serious, looking appalled* “I will NEVER drink those again, I JUST found out that they have more fat in them then water! Can you believe that!?”

Customer #1: “…Um.”

Customer #2: “Shocking, right? I just found out!” *turns to me* “Can you believe that!?”

Me: “…Um.”

Customer #2: *to me, scolding voice* “You guys should really be advertising that to your customer… Iced cappuccino’s have more fat than water.”


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