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Great stories from our entire backlog!

Language Skills Are Medi-okra

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2011

(I work as a demo lady.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

Customer: “Wait… what?”

Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

Customer: “Are… you speaking English?”

Wasting Quality Time On Quality Food

| Right | June 20, 2014

(My sister and I are in line at a popular fry and poutine joint. We are at the front of the line, but haven’t quite decided what we want yet. There is a customer behind us, so we tell her to go ahead if she knows what she wants. The following exchange ensues.)

Cashier: “Hello. What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “What is on your bacon poutine?”

Cashier: “Um, bacon, cheese curd, and gravy.”

Customer: “What about the pulled pork poutine?”

Cashier: *motions to the board behind him where every menu item is listed with

ingredients* “Pulled pork. Cheese curd. Gravy.”

Customer: “And the Phillie cheesesteak poutine?”

(She continued to go through all 20 menu items. Eventually the cashier just turned around and read off the board as blatantly as he could. Entire transaction time: 17 minutes.)

The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Hotel]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s the Fourth of July. We’re always booked on the Fourth.”

Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”

Me: “Um, it’s July Fourth.”

Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”

Customer: “The entire town? Why?”

Me: “Sir, it’s the Fourth of July. Independence day.”

Customer: “Independence from what?”

Me: “Um, England.”

Customer: “Oh, bloody h***!” *click*


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3

| Right | May 1, 2011

(The cheapest drink we sell is an espresso. Customers often ask for ‘expresso’ because it is the cheapest thing on the prices board, not knowing what the actual drink is.)

Customer: “Can I have an expresso, please?”

Me: “Of course. Can I just check…do you know what an espresso is?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You serve five kinds of coffee and you don’t know what an expresso is?!”

Me: “No, no. I’m not asking you to explain it to me. I just wanted to check you knew what you were going to get.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “Of course we do! Do we look stupid? God!”

(She stalks off to a table and leaves her boyfriend to wait for his drink.)

Me: “Here’s your espresso, sir. Sorry about the misunderstanding.”

Customer: “That’s okay.”

(There is a long pause as he looks at his drink.)

Customer: “Do you think I could get this in a bigger cup? With some milk?”

Someone Needs To Have An Urgent Conversation With Rufus

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2018

(A little girl around seven or eight years old comes into our store. She has a pastel pink unicorn plushie, identical to one we carry. She’s holding it and stroking it like a Bond villain with a cat. The display with these plushies is near the front door, and she walks straight to it.)

Girl: *normal little-girl voice* “Look, Rufus, it’s your cousins. Say hi!” *deep, gravelly voice* “Rufus cares not for these peasants. They shall burn with the other heretics. Away, vassal, to the candy aisle, where we shall feast upon the blood of the sugar cane plant!” *normal little-girl voice* “As you wish, Rufus.”

(She skips away cheerfully.)

Me: “…?”