Great stories from our entire backlog!
Resident: “So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It’s hard to tell.”
Me: “I’m Korean.”
Resident: “Oh. Is that like Japan?”
Me: “No, it’s Korea.”
Resident: “Well, that was my next guess. So, do you speak Chinese or Japanese?”
This story is part of our Foreign Languages roundup!
Read the next Foreign Languages roundup story.
Read the Foreign Languages roundup!
This story is part of our Nursing Home Worker roundup!
(Two very attractive young ladies come into the shoe store where I work. My male coworker and male assistant manager practically climb over each other in order to be the one to help them.)
Assistant Manager: “Hello, ladies! How are you this fine evening?”
Lady #1: “No hablo Inglés.”
Assistant Manager: “Oh, really… I see. Is there anything I can help you two find?”
(The two ladies glance at each other, shrug their shoulders, and walk away.)
Assistant Manager: *to coworker* “Don’t even bother! They’re stuck up b****es!”
Me: “They’re speaking Spanish. They just told you that they don’t speak English!”
Assistant Manager: “Foreign chicks! Translate for me: I want to see if they’ll meet me for a drink after work.”
Me: “Sorry, I know very little Spanish. Only a couple of phrases.”
Assistant Manager: “You just don’t want me to score!”
(The assistant manager follows the ladies around the store, smiling at them, and speaking to them loudly and slowly in English. When they still don’t seem to understand him, he starts to talk inappropriately.)
Assistant Manager: “You girls are lucky to be in my country! I should make you get down on your knees and suck my **** for the privilege!”
Coworker: *laughs hysterically*
Me: “You shouldn’t be speaking to any customer that way, even if they don’t speak English! You never know… they may understand some of what you’re saying!”
(The assistant manager blows me off and he and my coworker continue to harass the ladies. The whole time, the ladies just smile and nod. Eventually, they come up to my register with two pairs of shoes.)
Me: “Lo sentimos; hablo muy poco español.” (“Sorry, I speak very little Spanish.”)
Lady #1: *in perfect English* “That’s okay. Thanks for trying!”
Me: *surprised* “Oh… I’m sorry. I thought I heard you say earlier that you don’t speak English.”
Lady #2: “Yeah, we did say that. We just wanted to be left alone…” *turns to my shocked assistant manager and coworker* “…and we understood EVERYTHING that was said.”
Lady #1: “That’s right!” *laughs* “Are you the manager?”
Me: “No, I’m not.”
Lady #1: “Well, you should be! When is the manager due in? Please don’t tell me the manager is one of those guys over there!”
Me: “The manager’s name is [Name]. He typically only works weekdays.”
Lady #2: “Thanks! We’ll be back!”
(The ladies did come back and threatened to sue the company for sexual harassment. The assistant manager and my coworker were both fired, sexual harassment training became mandatory for all employees, and I got a raise.)
(The following takes place in a store that is clearly going out of business. The sales floor is in a shambles, prices of merchandise have been reduced significantly, and the staff morale is at an all-time low.)
Customer: “Hey, how much is this?”
Coworker: *scans item* “It’s [price], sir.”
Customer: “Can you give me a better price than that? You’re getting rid of it anyway, right?”
Coworker: “It’s still [price], sir.”
Customer: “You know what? I don’t know if I like that attitude of yours. I want to speak to your manager!”
Coworker: “Go right ahead, sir. He’s just gonna tell you the same thing.”
(At this point, our manager walks in.)
Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”
Customer: “Your employee has an attitude problem!”
Manager: “Sir, I was standing right over there the whole time—” *pointing to a nearby location* “—and I heard the whole thing. All I heard was [Coworker] telling you the price of an item.”
Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t like the attitude she was giving me! Aren’t you going to do something about that?”
Manager: “What do you want me to do? Fire her? We’re all going to be losing our jobs, anyway!”
Customer: “I still expect you to reprimand her! That kind of behavior is unacceptable in customer service!”
Manager: “Says the guy trying to haggle like we’re at a god-d*** flea market! I don’t give a s*** anymore. Either pay the price shown on the register, or get the h*** out of my store!”
(Closing times are fun times.)
This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.
Read the next Hagglers roundup story!
Read the Hagglers roundup!
(I work in a very environmentally conscious salon. We provide mugs for people to use for their coffee so that no garbage is created.)
Me: “Hi! My name is [My Name]. I’m going to be cutting your hair today. Tell me what you would like to–”
Customer: “Do you have a styrofoam cup?”
Me: “We have mugs right here. Would you like some coffee?”
Customer: “Are you crazy? I can’t use a public mug. I’m a doctor! Do you even know what kind of germs are on those mugs?!”
Me: “I assure you that the mugs are perfectly clean. Also, we don’t believe in using styrofoam because it is bad for the environment.”
Customer: “Are you for real? You don’t have a styrofoam cup anywhere in this whole place?”
Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”
(I get her away from the coffee discussion and start cutting her hair and making small talk.)
Me: “So, what kind of doctor are you?”
Customer: “A psychiatrist.”
Did you find this story on our World Environment Day roundup?
(I’m a cashier at a popular toy store chain when a woman came up to the register with an opened Ouija board.)
Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”
Me: “Is there anything, in particular, that’s wrong with it?”
Customer: “Well, no, it works. I’m returning it because it let evil spirits into my house!”
Me: *laughs*
Customer: “Why are you laughing? This game let spirits into my house, and I demand a refund!”
Me: “Uh, oh, alright then.” *I process the return*
Customer: *On the way out* “You really shouldn’t be selling satanic toys like this. What if a demon had come through and possessed one of my children?”
Me: “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll definitely pass that on to management.”
