Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Great stories from our entire backlog!

Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2011

(I work at a pizza place that is within walking distance of my house. Our house number and the number for the restaurant are identical except that two numbers are swapped, so occasionally people accidentally call my house number. It is a Sunday, which is the one day the restaurant is closed.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hi. Can I get two large pepperoni–”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you have the wrong number. [Restaurant] is clo-”

Caller: “No, this is [Restaurant]! I recognize your voice! Don’t lie to me!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, because I work there. But this is my house number, and it’s my day off because [Restaurant] is closed today. If you call the right number–”

Caller: “No, you’re not closed today! Now put in my f****** order!”

(I hang up on the guy because I do not like his attitude. He calls again, and I answer, this time with my dad listening in from the other room.)

Caller: “You hung up on me!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I did. You have the wrong number, and the restaurant is closed.

Caller: “Get me the owner! I’m having you fired!”

Me: “Sir, he does not live with me and therefore I cannot.”

Caller: “You stupid b****! Who the f*** do you think you are?!”

(The guy starts screaming obscenities. My dad has been listening in and has had enough.)

Dad: “Sir, if you’ve got a problem, you’re going to have to deal with me!”

Caller: “Is this the manager?! Great! I want–”

Dad: “No, this is her father. This is a private residence and I don’t want you calling here again. And if you have a problem with that, I want you to say it to my face.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll be right there!” *click*

(The guy drove out to the restaurant, where my dad decided to wait for him outside. My father is 6’6″ and weighs nearly 300 lbs. I saw the guy pull up to see my dad and the closed sign right behind where he was standing. The guy’s face turned completely white and he jumped back in his car and sped off. When I went back to work the next day, the guy came in for an order. He left a note of apology and a $20 tip in the tip jar.)


This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About iPhone Users Who Weren’t Smart Enough For Their Smartphone

 

Read the next Hilarious Wrong Number roundup story!

Read the Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!

Sins Of The Father, Part 3

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2013

(I am the customer in this scenario. I have decided to have lunch at a local muffin/sandwich shop. I finish my order, and a couple comes in behind me with two children. The mother leaves to go to another store, and the children begin to run the length of the store without any input from their father. I finally get my food tray, and am stepping away from the counter, when the older of the two, the son runs into me from behind, full tilt. Barely keeping my balance, I cry out.)

Me: “Hey! Watch where you’re going, buddy!”

Father: “Don’t you f****** talk to my kid like that!”

Son: “Yeah!”

(The son aims a punch at my more tender areas. I thankfully turn to the side quickly enough to avoid the hit in the crotch, but the son ends up smacking the hard back of the cell phone in my pocket. He falls to the floor, holding his hand and wailing.)

Father: “You son of a b****! You hit my son!”

Me: “No… he just—”

Father: “Someone call the police! That man hit my son!”

Me: “Look—”

Father: “I saw you! You hit my son! I’m gonna—” *starts advancing on me with fists clenched*

(The owner suddenly comes over.)

Owner: “[Father], that’s it! I’ve had it! I’ve told you not to let your kids run around here, and now you’re threatening my customers. I don’t care if you’re related to me; I want you and your kids out of my store, now!”

Father: “But he—”

Owner: “Remember, [Father], you installed the video cameras for me last week. I watched your son run into and try to hit this guy. GET OUT!”

(I didn’t lose my meal, but I was able to eat it in relative peace after the father and the owner finished a protracted screaming match with the father losing and leaving.)

 

An Idiot At Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2009

(Note: GPS systems in the area around our hotel rarely work.)

Caller: “I’m lost. How do I get to you?”

Me: “Where are you?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I’m lost!”

Me: “What are you near?”

Caller: “Bushes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to be more precise. I can’t tell where you are just by your description.”

Caller: “They’re small bushes!”


This story is part of our lost customer roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Times Airline Wish They Could Fly Away From Terrible Customers

 

Read the next lost customer roundup story!

Read the lost customer roundup!

Kids Love To Wise-Crack

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I give activity sessions for young children at a small museum in Scotland. During one of the sessions, the children have to guess what a mystery object is — in this case, some tobacco leaves.)

Me: “So you’ve guessed it’s some leaves. Does anybody know what leaves these are? A clue is the smell.”

(The children look nonplussed, understandably.)

Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t know what this is. You’re all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?”

Child: “CRACK!”


This story is part of our “Kids say embarrassing things” roundup!

Read the next “Kids say embarrassing things” roundup story!

Read the “Kids say embarrassing things” roundup!

Surviving Their Snipes

, | Right | December 5, 2014

(My fiancé’s birthday is coming up. As game and console collectors we often browse game stores, but mostly we go to a particular second-hand game store where we find some real old treasures and odd things we don’t see very often, and have become regulars. A few days earlier he had spotted a sniper game for the Wii which comes with a full-sized fake sniper rifle that you mount the Wii remote on, but we didn’t buy it due to lack of funds during a billing period. While he goes to work a few days later I go to pick it up for him as a birthday surprise. As this is a second hand store, what people sell to the store is what the store has. There is no inventory of several of an item unless several were sold to them. Two rough looking men are outside the store as I walk in. I tell the lady working what I want to buy. The two men walk in and hover over the sniper game eagerly, just as the lady serving me takes it out of the display cabinet to pack up for me.)

Rough Man #1: “Hey! What are you doing? We saw it first!”

Rough Man #2: “Yeah! That’s ours! Don’t you dare sell that to HER!”

Cashier: “Sorry, it’s being sold to this customer. We unfortunately don’t have any more in stock at the moment until someone else may sell us theirs. I’m terribly sorry.”

Rough Man #1: “But we saw it first! We have a right to have it first!” *to me* “You can’t buy it. Give it up!”

Rough Man #2: “Yeah! Give it up! The rules are the first who see it has a RIGHT to buy first! We override your rights!”

Me: “Nope, sorry. This is for my fiancé’s birthday. I’m buying it regardless of if you saw it first or not. Whoever enquires first is the early bird. Maybe you can find one online.”

Rough Man #1: “B****! You can’t do that!” *to the cashier* “You better not give it to her! It’s OURS! We have more of a right to it than her! Don’t you dare f****** sell it to her!”

(At this point the cashier serving me looks a bit frightened. I don’t move from my post in front of her, being protective of both her and my fiancé’s gift as both of the men approach behind me very closely. I feel very wary as they both stand there trying to look as tall as possible, loudly swearing at me, muttering horrid names under their breaths at me. It doesn’t work and even though I feel scared, I stand my ground because I am not one to keel over to rude people, especially when I am buying gifts for loved ones and when they’re scaring others around me.)

Rough Man #1: “You stupid s***, don’t be a f****** b**** and hand it over. It’s OURS and we’re buying it!”

Me: “No way. It belongs to my fiancé. I’ll be walking out of here with it. My fiancé saw this days ago and I WILL be giving it to him for his birthday. Why don’t you find one elsewhere? This one is taken.”

(I purchased it. All the while they were calling me every name in the book and trying to scare me as I stood tall, even though inside I was scared that they might get violent. The transaction went through, approved. I got my receipt, wished the lady serving me a good day, gave her a look that said to stay safe, and I left victoriously, tightly clutching the gift. I was still scared, though, as I was shopping alone, and made sure to quickly get on my bus home before they saw which direction I went. My fiancé was so happy with his gift, and thinks I’m tough as anything for standing up for myself.)