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A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

| Right | May 28, 2012

(A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

Me:  “Can I help you find something?”

Customer:  “Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

Me:  “They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

(They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

Me:  “He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

Customer:  “Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

Me:  “Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

(At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

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Coming Out And Going Out

| Learning | September 27, 2013

(I’m a teenage girl, and have recently gotten a very short haircut. I go to an all-girls school, but have to pass boys who are often rude and loud on my way home. One of them sees my haircut and starts shouting out homophobic slurs.)

Boy #1: “Lesbo! D***!”

(I turn around and give him the finger. Surprisingly, so does [Boy #2].)

Boy #2: “Dude, shut up! I’m gay, y’know!”

Boy #1: “What? You’re a f** too?!”

Boy #3: “Oh, piss off [Boy #1]. So, [Boy #2], you’re free tomorrow evening, right? Wanna catch a movie?”

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Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

| Right | June 19, 2014

(Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

(Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

Me: “Are you already registered?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

(This continues three or four more times.)

Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

(Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*


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Salvation Vs. Business Savvy

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a metal business card case.”

Me: “Well, we really only carry leather here – would you like me to show them to you?”

Customer: “No, it needs to be metal. Where can I get one?”

Me: “Well, I know of a place in the mall, but they market them as cigarette cases. If you just ask the man at the counter for one, he can–”

Customer: *interrupting* “I ain’t buying no cigarette case, I ain’t no smoker.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you they’re not used or anything, it’s just that the original concept came from cigarette cases, and people adapted them into wallets.”

Customer: “Well, I ain’t buyin no cigarette case, so you best tell me where I can get a business card case.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the only place I know of. They’re the exact same product: a metal case with two prongs on the inside for–”

Customer: “I ain’t no heathen woman, and I ain’t gonna carry around no wicked cigarette box while I’m at church! Do you expect me to?!”

Me: “No ma’am, I just don’t think you’ll find one at that store if you’re asking for a business card case.”

Customer: “No, you WON’T!” *storms out*

Me: “…what?”

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Got Your Scam Tagged

, , | Right | March 18, 2017

(I’m working at a local thrift shop and I am going about my business in the store when a customer comes up to me with a sweater.)

Customer: “How much is this sweater? The tag is gone!”

(I at once suspect she tore off the tag since it’s happened before and I hung out that sweater just a couple of hours ago with the tag still intact.)

Me: “That’s about $15.” *I know it’s really $10*

Customer: “NO! IT’S F****** NOT! It’s $10!”

Me: *grins* “Oh? How do you know this? The tag is gone, remember?”

(The customer ran out the door shouting obscenities towards me and I never saw her again.)

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