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Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2012

(A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six-packs of tall cans of liquor.)

Me: “That will be $26.”

Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

(He turns to one of his kids.)

Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

Kid: F*** you.”

Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

A Suitable Trade-Off

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

(Sundays are our busiest days for trades at our video game store. Six people are in line at my register, and the only other employee is on the floor fielding customer questions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Videogame Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to get trade-in prices for some games I have.”

Me: “No problem. We’re a bit busy in store right now, though, so I’ll only be able to give you prices on three trades over the phone. Any more, and you’ll have to come into the store.”

Caller: “Bull! It’s one pm on a Sunday. No way you have that many customers.”

Me: *holding phone towards customers waiting in line* “Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the man who doesn’t think you’re here.”

Crowd: “Hi!”

Me: “Any other questions, sir?”

Caller: *click*


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I’m Having My iPeriod

, | Right | October 21, 2011

Customer: “Hi there, darling. Uh, I was wondering, do you have any pads?”

Me: “Do you mean iPads?”

Customer: “Yeah pads, iPads, whatever. Can you show me where they are?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Are you interested in the iPad or the iPad 2?”

Customer: “Wait…so, like, you use the iPad at day and the iPad 2 at night?”

His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

| Right | April 22, 2013

(I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, it is solid then?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

The Burger Flipper Flipped The Script

, , , , , , , | Right | October 4, 2023

A mother is ordering at the counter with her daughter, who seems to be around twelve or thirteen or so.

Daughter: “I’d like the veggie burger, please, Mom.”

Customer: *Sighs* “If you’re sure.”

Daughter: “I am! I really want to try to stay vegetarian! Thank you!”

Customer: “Go find us a table and I’ll order.”

The daughter skips away and the customer proceeds to order.

Customer: “A regular cheeseburger and a double-patty special.”

Me: “Ma’am, those aren’t vegetarian.”

Customer: “Well, duh! I’m not an idiot! I know it’s f****** cow!”

Me: “But your daughter said she wanted the veggie burger. I was just checking—”

Customer: “I’m her mother, and I am not letting her eat that liberal fake meat s***! One proper American burger! What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not comfortable serving food that will deliberately mislead one of our customers.”

Customer: “I’m the one paying! I’m the customer! Are we going to have a problem?”

Me: “…no, ma’am.”

Customer: “That’s what I thought.”

Me: “Apologies, ma’am. Let me bring your food out to you to make it up to you.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

She heads over to the table her daughter has chosen. I bring the food over on a tray (not normal for us).

Me: “Here are all y’all’s burgers! The meat burgers are in the red wrappers and the vegetarian burgers are in the green wrappers!”

Daughter: “But… they’re all red.”

Me: “That’s right! Enjoy your beef burgers!”

The mother glares at me as I smile and walk away. I can hear some angry hushed conversation at the table as I walk away. After some high-pitched conversation, the mother storms up to the counter.

Customer: “You did that on purpose, you b****!”

Me: “I simply brought your food over on a tray and explained what was being delivered, ma’am. I actually went above and beyond our normal service!”

Customer: “Get your manager! I’m gonna get you into so much trouble!”

I call the manager over, but as I am doing so, the daughter also approaches and speaks to me.

Daughter: “Thank you so much! I don’t even know you, but you’re respecting my choices more than my own mother!”

Customer: “You’re twelve! You don’t get choices!”

Daughter: “And that is why I am choosing to live with Dad! I’ve already called him to pick me up.”

The daughter turns to me.

Daughter: “I’ll stay to explain to your manager that my mother is about to lie to get you into trouble. Don’t worry.”

This amazing twelve-year-old stood her ground with her mother and explained the situation to my manager before her mother could complain. The mother let out a shriek and ran out of the store.

We gave the daughter a free veggie burger while she waited for her father.


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