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Zero Tolerance Is Enforced On Zeroes

, , , , , , | Right | July 17, 2018

(I overhear the following:)

Cashier: “Good afternoon!”

Customer: *grunts*

Cashier: “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: *grunts*

Cashier: *again* “Do you have a loyalty card, sir?”

Customer: *aggressively* “I don’t talk to losers like you.”

Cashier: “Oh, well, you can f*** off, then. SECURITY!”

Customer: *to nearby assistant manager* “Did you hear that?”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, didn’t you? F*** off, now.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to the top manager!”

(The top manager pops up from nowhere.)

Manager: “Didn’t you hear my staff? F*** off; you’re banned from here.”

(A few days later, I saw the same manager and asked whether they’d had any comeback from the incident. Apparently, the a**hole customer complained to corporate, who told him that no, he wasn’t banned from the store; he was banned from every [Store] in the country. They also entered his details into the aggressive-customer database shared by all the major chains, so he’s now banned from all supermarkets in the local area.)

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I Find Your Lack Of T-shirts Disturbing

, , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2009

(I’m selling t-shirts at Comic-Con in San Diego. Two men are dressed as Star Wars characters come to my booth.)

Jedi #1: “Man, these shirts are all great. I don’t know how I’ll pick.”

Coworker: “Well, they are two for $35, so you can get any two you like.”

Jedi #2: “Is there any deal for three?”

Coworker: “Nope, just by twos.”

(Suddenly, the second Jedi activates his light-up lightsaber and speaks in an angry, menacing tone.)

Jedi #2: “How about now?!”


This story is part of our Star Wars roundup!

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Sharing Is Caring, But Blaring Can Lead To Staring

, | Working | April 12, 2013

(My coworker and I are both waiting on chicken burgers, for which there is a three minute wait. I only need one of the burgers while my coworker needs two. One that has been made for her is up.)

Me: “Hey [coworker], because you are waiting for a second chicken burger and I only need this one, can I have this one?”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: “Well, you’re waiting on the second one. So, it would be quicker for my customer if I took this one.”

Coworker: “I said no!”

Me: “So, you’re going to make both customers wait even though I can take that one?”

Coworker: “It’s MY burger!”

Me: “Yes, but then you could have mine.”

Coworker: “I DON’T CARE! THIS ONE IS MINE! YOU CAN’T HAVE MY BURGER! IT’S MINE!”

(At this point, all our coworkers in the back are watching. The customer in the drive-through also looks horrified, and the customers in the lobby are all staring.)

Me: “Okay…”

(The other two burgers come up; as I go to take one of the two fresh ones, my coworker snatches them both up first.)

Me: “…Those were mine.”

Coworker: “Whatever! Don’t be so childish!”

(Thankfully, my manager had some words with her and I got free food for trying to keep my calm and not raging.)

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Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

| Right | December 2, 2011

(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “Nice hoodie!”

Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Were you there, too?”

Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

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Only One Left

, , , | Right | August 25, 2014

(I am an optometrist, selling glasses and contact lenses. A customer calls me up to ask about some contact lenses I sent to him in the mail.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask you which of the lenses is for which eye!”

Me: “I’m sorry! I am usually so careful about these things. I can’t believe I forgot to mark them.”

Customer: “Yeah, it says, ‘Right,’ on one of the boxes, but what about the other one?”

Me: “Uh, then the other one would be for your left eye.”

Customer: “Great, thanks!” *hangs up*


This story is part of the World Sight Day roundup!

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