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The Hair Apparent

| Right | May 31, 2014

(The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

Me: “I really doubt it.”

(I point out I am wearing a hat.)

Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

(I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

(I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

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Ah, The Wonders Of Osmosis

, , , | Right | June 24, 2009

(A customer comes in to discuss care of his elderly, very ill cat. We talk about keeping the cat warm and hydrated.)

Customer: “So, I have this idea… I thought that if I put the cat in a bath, she’d stay warm and not be thirsty.”

Me: “Well, sir, I don’t think that that would be a good idea. She’ll get cold once you take her out of the bath. Also, putting her in water isn’t going to help her stay hydrated.”

Customer: “You mean that if I’m thirsty and I take a bath, I’ll still be thirsty when I get out?”

Me: “Yes, that is what I’m saying.”


This story is part of our Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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Read the Take Your Cat To The Vet roundup!

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A Taxing Conversation

| Right | February 2, 2013

(My colleague is the customer in this transaction. He has received a letter from HM Revenue (British tax authority).)

Colleague: “Hello, I am ringing about the letter I received stating the amount due to you is £1,400!”

Tax assistant: “Well, I can help you with that. What seems to be the issue?”

Colleague: *angry at this point* “The issue is that I have just received a letter telling me that I have to pay you £1400!”

Tax assistant: *still being very polite* “Well, sir. Please calm down, let me say something.”

Colleague: “Say something? What can you say that’s going to resolve this problem?”

Tax assistant: “How about, the check is in the post and you don’t owe us a penny?”

Colleague: “Oh.”

Tax assistant: “I thought that might help a little. If you had read the letter clearly you would have seen that it says ‘Amount due to you is £1,400.’”

Colleague: “Oh… erm… I’m really sorry for being a jerk.”

(I have never laughed so hard in my life.)

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Fat Chance Of A Reasonable Customer

, , , , | Right | May 20, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for pants for my daughter.”

Me: “Okay, what size is your daughter?”

Customer: “She’s fat like you.”

Me: “Okay, so I’m a medium. Does your daughter wear mediums?”

Customer: “No. She’s fat like you. She needs fat pants.”

Me: “So, would a large be okay?”

Customer: “Fat pants. Large is too small.”

Me: “Large is the biggest size we have.”

Customer: “Give me your pants, then.”


This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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Read the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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Obsessions With Possessions

| Right | April 11, 2014

(We don’t have associates permanently supervising the fitting rooms, so they’re left unattended for periods of time while the fitting room associate cleans out the other ones. I enter an open fitting room to find an entire outfit of clothes that we do not sell. My first instinct was that someone had changed into our clothes in the fitting room and stolen them, leaving theirs behind. I then look over to see a phone and a purse left in the fitting room, and take the items to a manager to report the incident and laugh at the supposed thief’s stupidity. Just then, an angry looking woman comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “Those are my things!”

Me: “Oh! You left them in the fitting room.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, I wasn’t finished…”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. You left your things in an open, unsupervised fitting room. You’re lucky I found them. If another customer had walked in there they could have just grabbed them at walked right out.”

Customer: “But I wasn’t finished!”

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