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Sloth Goes Shopping

, , , | Right | September 1, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “Are you in the store?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Good. Me, too.”

Me: “Sir, what can I help you with?”

Caller: “I need to know where [item] is. I didn’t want to walk around the store to look.”

Me: “It is in aisle five, sir.”

Caller: “You aren’t going to come and show me? You guys are lazy!” *click*


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

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Not A Breadwinning Idea

| Right | February 4, 2013

(An older man comes into the cafe and looks our menu over. We serve salads, sandwiches, and soup.)

Customer: “I want a sandwich, but I don’t eat bread.”

Me: “Hmm…”

Customer: “I’m probably not going to have any luck with that, am I?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t think so.”

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A Sweet Gesture

| Right | November 7, 2015

(I am at the register. An older lady, visibly shaken up, approaches me.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Yes, about half an hour ago, I bought my groceries here.” *shows me her receipt* “But when I was in the aisle, one of my bags broke. And to have my hands free I put this bar of chocolate in the pocket of my coat. I didn’t notice it until a few minutes ago.”

Me: “So you’ve come back… to pay for it?”

Lady: “Yes, I feel awful about it.”

Me: “Wow…  Just, wow. You are the first person to do that since I have worked here. I didn’t know people would do that!”

(I finished her transaction. If it hadn’t been company policy to not give things away, I would have given the chocolate to her for free. Thanks, lady, for showing there are decent, albeit unusual, people out there.)

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Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

, , | Right | September 8, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a decaf espresso.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

(I deliver the espresso to the table.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but asked for decaf.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “But this isn’t decaf.”

Me: “I assure you, madam, that it is decaf. We use different machines for decaf and regular.”

Customer: *gesturing at the crema* “But I can SEE the caffeine!”

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A Knowing Personality

| Right | January 31, 2013

(I’m showing a couple our knife sets demonstrating the difference between each brand.)

Me: “So, if you happen to be a rocker, that is someone who keeps a part of the blade in contact with the cutting board at all times, then you’ll want this type. If, however, you’re a chopper, who lifts the blade completely off the board, then you might find these a better fit since they have a shallower curve on the blade.”

Lady: “Right, well actually he-” *points to her companion* “-is the one who’s going to be using them, so why don’t I leave you two to it, and look for the rest of the stuff on my list?”

Man: “Sounds good.” *turns to me* “Hey, you got anything heavier? I like putting power into my chopping.”

(I show him several additional knives, speaking about the differences in handle shapes and steel grade when he interrupts me.)

Man: “Oh, and you do know that if these knives turn out to be cheap sh**, I’m going to have to come back here and have some very stern words with you.”

Me: *taken aback* “Sir, these are made to the highest specifications of German craftsmanship. Says so right there on the blade.” *I gesture to the ‘Made In Germany’ stamp* “The ones in the cabinet next to me come from Japan, and are made using the same ore and techniques as samurai swords. If you’re going to honestly come back and tell me steel of this caliber is, to use your own words, cheap s***, then I have only three words to say to you: bring it on!”

(The man stares at me, looking not so much offended as bemused. He then proceeds to tip his hat to me in respect.)

Man: “I see you clearly do know your stuff. Please forgive me for doubting you.” *looks around for his girlfriend* “Are you as knowledgeable about the other products in this store?”

Me: “Every one of them.”

(He spies his girlfriend who’s speaking to another associate.)

Man: “Honey come back here, we’re going with this guy! He’s got the know, and the personality!”

(They proceed to do their entire order with me, and the man even insists on shaking my hand afterward saying he’s glad to have found someone with confidence in what they sell. Definitely among my best customers ever!)

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