(I’m taking a four-year-old boy back for a check up. He seems a little nervous so I’m talking to him to make him calm down a little bit. Note: the Broncos are playing in the play-offs.)

Me: “Is it still snowing outside? You look like you’re freezing!”

Kid: “Uh-huh, I don’t like the cold!”

Me: “Aw, that’s too bad. I love the cold. I love it when it’s winter! What’s your favorite season?”

Kid: “Post-season!”

Me: “Huh, what? Can you name the four seasons?”

Kid: “Duh! Pre-season, regular season, post-season and off-season! The Broncos made it to post-season! YAY!”

(Little guy sure showed me! And wasn’t nervous for the rest of his visit.)

Client: “I need to see if I can get a settlement advancement because I only have enough money to pay my rent or electricity bill.”

Me: “I will talk to the adjuster and see if we can get an advancement, but they don’t have to give you one and we can not force them.”

Client: “That’s great, thank you… but which bill should I pay?”

Me: “I am not going to tell you what to do, but let me ask you this: what good is electricity if you do not have a place to live?”

Client: “So, which bill should I pay then?”

Me: “…really?”

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(I work for a funeral home and picking up a deceased person at a nursing home. I pull around to the back door since most prefer we go in and out the back. The front and back entrances to this place are just opposite each other. No matter which you use, it’s the same lobby.)

Employee: “You have to use the front entrance. Pull around to the front.”

Me: “Are you sure? I am picking up an expired person and most places prefer we use the back.”

Employee: “No…  Yes. You have to pull around.”

(I move the van to the front entrance and re-enter.)

Employee: “Oh… you can’t come in this way. You have to pull around the back.”

Me: “I did that, ma’am. You told me to come this way.”

Employee: “No, I didn’t. Anyway you have to pull around the back to the white gate.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go out and moves the van back to the rear, and find the white gate. I am there for fifteen minutes trying to get in.)

Me: *seeing a staff member* “Sir, can you let me in, please?”

Staff Member: “What in the world are you doing here? You should come in the back.”

(I explains the situation and the guy lets me in and leads me to the apartment I need, with much thanks from me. I arrive at apartment to find everything wrong that could be. The patient is 350 pounds and is laying on his bedroom floor.)

Police Officer: “Are you here alone? We told that girl at the front desk that you guys would need a team for this one.”

(This is normally a two man situation, but I have some experience and can handle it… so I do. Paperwork, body on gurney, and ready to go. The same employee from the front desk shows up.)

Employee: “Why did you park by the white gate? You have to go out [random side door]!”

(I move my van to the side door and get out of there. It took all my willpower to just leave with only the one body.)

(I am working in a women’s clothing store. When an item is marked down, we put a red line through the barcode of the tag attached to the piece of clothing. A customer and her daughter in her 20s bring up a dress.)

Customer: “Hi, we found this on the sale rack.”

(I scan it. It comes up full price. Confused, I check the tag; there is a black line through the barcode, instead of a red one. Someone must have marked it down by accident, realized their mistake, and tried to correct it by drawing a black line over the red one, instead of just printing out a new tag for the dress. And then someone else misunderstood the black line and put it on the sale rack anyway.)

Me: “Ah. Okay, so I’m afraid this is actually full price—”

(The two customers’ eyes flash, and I know I’m in trouble.)

Customer: “But this was on the sale rack.”

Me: “I know. I’m so sorry for the confusion. I think what happened is, someone accidentally marked this down, but realized their mistake.” *I show her the tag* “See, we usually put a red line through it; this is black. It came up full price when I scanned it.”

Customer: “Well, that’s false advertising!”

Me: “No, no, it’s not. It was just a mistake someone else made when they put it back. I’m sorry about that.”

(The customer and her daughter exchange a look.)

Customer: “Well, it’s really your attitude that’s the problem.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “What attitude? I’m just explaining what happened.”

(The daughter laughs condescendingly.)

Daughter: “Come on. We don’t have time for—” *she gestures at me with a flick of her wrist* “—this little gnat.”

Me: “I was just—”

(Another customer at the other register chimes in.)

Other Customer: “It’s not you.”

(We all look over. The other customer is looking through her pocketbook for her wallet, but it’s clear she’s talking to me.)

Other Customer: “It’s not you.”

(My customer and her daughter shut up. They leave the dress on the counter and walk away. My manager walks up, and I wonder if I’m in trouble.)

Manager: “What was THAT all about?”

Other Customer: “It wasn’t you. Seriously, they were really mean.”

Manager: “Ah, okay. That’s what it sounded like. Don’t let them get to you.”

(To the other customer, thanks for putting in the good word for me! It made me feel less like a gnat!)

(My coworker is Mexican, but has very fair skin. Our store has more than 60,000 item numbers. While the employees who work in certain sections know the products and the numbers in their area, cashiers have to look the numbers up in the computer.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering what the price on this item is.”

Coworker: “Of course. Let me just look up the number for you.”

Customer: *to her friend in Spanish* “Can you believe this dumb b****? Can’t even tell me the price for this stupid thing.”

Coworker: *in Spanish* “The price for that is [price]. Can I help you with anything else?”

(The customer turned white and quickly walked away!)