Great stories from our entire backlog!

Has One Of Those Genderal Voices

| Right | March 27, 2015

(I work in the departmental switchboard, so I field calls. If someone’s on their phone or even logged out, the calls reroute to me/ Normally people are fine with me taking messages.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning.  [Local Government].”

Customer: “Hello! Is that [Male Colleague]?”

Me: “Nope, [Colleague] is off sick at the moment. If you tell me your query I can direct you to somebody else who may be able to help.”

Customer: “Oh, it IS you [Male Colleague]!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am not [Male Colleague], I am [Female Name] and you’re through to switchboard. What’s your query?”

Customer: “How did your op go, [Male Colleague]? I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of op!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am NOT [Male Colleague]. If you tell me what your call is regarding, perhaps I can help you.”

Customer: *ignoring me* “Cruciate ligament, you said. Well, now we know better. I think [Female Name] is a great choice! Good for you!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Male Colleague] is still on sick. He did not have gender reassignment surgery. I am a different person. And I would like, very much, to help you with your query.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll see you at [Local Pub] on Friday. We can have a chat ‘off the record’ and I’ll bring you my favourite lipstick.” *click*

(All my switchboard colleagues, who’ve only heard my half of the conversation, are staring at me.)

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea either.”

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Split Over Musical (Price) Differences

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2010

Customer: “Do you have [Popular Album]?”

Me: “Yep. It’s right over here.”

Customer: “That’s expensive.”

Me: “That’s pretty average”

Customer: “I bet [Competitor] is cheaper.”

Me: “I doubt it. We are usually a fair bit cheaper than they are.”

Customer: “I don’t know. I bet they are cheaper.”

Me: “I don’t think they will be, but they are right upstairs if you want to take a peek and come back.  You will see that we are cheaper.”

(The customer leaves and comes back 15 minutes later with our competitor’s bag.)

Me: “Oh, were they cheaper?”

Customer: “No, they were a lot more expensive. You should really stop recommending that place.”

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Kids Like Scratch And Sniff Anyway

| Right | July 15, 2011

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

(While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but it dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

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Self Disservice, Part 2

| Right | May 12, 2012

(I work in the kids’ section of a bookstore that also sells toys and games. I notice that a child has caused the entire display to collapse. I find the mother after making sure the child didn’t hurt himself.)

Me: “Hi, are you the mother?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “We ask that you look after your children while in [store name]. You need to be with the child and not in another section of the store if they cannot be trusted alone.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “I don’t want to look after my child.”

Me: *confused* “Well I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not my job to raise your child for you.”

Customer: “But I want you to!”

 

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Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches

, , , | Right | September 28, 2008

(After helping a middle-aged man find many CDs…)

Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

Me: “Ryland.”

Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

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