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Tag, You’re President

, , , | Right | March 2, 2011

(I am helping out during the election in our region. A middle-aged man approaches the table to get his ballot papers.)

Voter: “Hey, who should I vote for?”

Me: “That’s your decision. Voting is about making your opinion heard.”

Voter: “I don’t know!”

(He waits for some time with his papers in hand before he enters a booth. He doesn’t come out for a few minutes. I am about to kindly ask him to hurry up.)

Voter: “Hey, can someone say ‘stop’, please?”

(The other voters snicker. A young woman looks at me. I shrug.)

Woman: “Stop!”

Voter: “Thanks! Once more, please!”

Woman: “Stop!”

(The man exits the booth and puts his ballot into the ballot box.)

Woman: *amused* “Got a good vote there?”

Voter: “Yes, thank you! This ‘making your opinion heard’ stuff is really hard!” *beams at everyone* “Well, I’ve done my duty now! It feels good!”

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If L’apostrophe, Then French

, , | Right | September 11, 2008

(A very angry customer brings a small bag of instant coffee to the counter.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU STOCK THIS?!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry… can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “This is Australia! How dare you support some French s*** in our country?!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “THIS!” *holds the bag out* “See! Right here: ‘Proudly Supporting Jun’ar Ne’ball In Australia.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it actually says, “Proudly supporting Junior Netball in Australia.”

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Initially Incorrect, But They Nipped It In The Bud

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2013

(I work at a design firm. A few of our designers have special design achievements that are abbreviated in initials in a smaller script after their name on their business card. I am working in our showroom when a customer comes up to me with a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I am looking for the young man I was talking to earlier.”

Me: “Sure, we have several male designers here. Do you remember his name?”

Customer: “No, but he gave me his business card.”

(She looks around confused for a moment, then her face lights up when she remembers something.)

Customer: “He has really small nipples!”

Me: “Excuse me!”

Customer: “Nipples.”

Me: “Uhm… anything more descriptive?”

(A look of horror crosses her face as she realizes what she has said.)

Customer:Initials! After his name on his card, he has really small initials.”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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The Yeast Of Your Worries

| Right | September 13, 2013

(I work at a pet store/grooming salon establishment. One of the grooming dogs comes in with a suspected yeast infection. We inform the customer of the possibility, and they say they will take care of it. A week later, I’m opening the store and the customer comes back in.)

Customer: “I demand to speak to the groomer!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she’s not here right now. She doesn’t have any groom appointments for today. Was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, you can explain to me why the h*** your groomer said my dog had a yeast infection, when nothing I’ve been doing to treat it has been working! I demand reimbursement for the cost of the treatment!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, but I’m afraid we can’t reimburse you for veterinary treatment you’ve sought because of a medical condition that existed in your dog prior to the grooming appointment.”

Customer: “Veterinary treatment? I didn’t go to the vet!”

Me: “You haven’t? What treatment have you been using that needs reimbursing?”

Customer: “I’ve bought $40 worth of bread in the past week!”

Me: “…bread?”

Customer: “Yeah! The groomer said it was a f****** yeast infection, so I’ve been giving him lots of bread to fix it!”

Me: “I’m… not sure I follow ma’am.”

Customer: “What, am I not giving him enough bread? Does he need bread with more yeast in it?”

Me: “Oh… OH! Uhm, having a yeast infection doesn’t mean he needs to eat things with yeast IN it.”

Customer: “So… he doesn’t need bread?”

Me: “…no.”

(I instruct the customer to add pro-biotic yogurt to her dog’s food and take him to the vet as soon as she could. The customer leaves rather embarrassed. We get a call later on that her dog recovers soon after that, and now she’s a regular customer for yogurt dental bones!)

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Not A Televisionary Manager

| Working | April 9, 2014

(I work in the newsroom of a radio station. When budget time comes around, my station manager asks if there’s any new equipment we need. Just for the heck of it, I put in a request for a TV for the newsroom, so we can monitor the news channels. The next day, the station manager sends me an e-mail with the subject line, ‘here’s what the higher-ups think of your TV idea” and what follows is a long list of jokes my station manager and her boss have made, ridiculing my suggestion. I’m highly offended, and decide to confront the station manager about it.)

Me: “I can’t believe you and [Her Boss] took my idea and made fun of it like that. I find this behaviour very unprofessional.”

Station Manager: “I’m unprofessional? I’M UNPROFESSIONAL? YOU’RE the one who’s unprofessional because you didn’t do a news story about MY BIRTHDAY! Every reporter who’s worked here in the past has done a news story about MY BIRTHDAY and made a fuss about me on the air, and you’re the first one who didn’t! Do you know how humiliating it was for me when everyone in the company started asking what the news department did for my birthday, and I had to tell them that you did nothing? SO DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT UNPROFESSIONALISM!”

(Since the TV wasn’t that important, I drop the issue completely. A few weeks later, my boss is making his monthly visit. We’re in a meeting, when my station manager barges in.)

Station Manager: “After doing further research, I have determined that NO OTHER RADIO STATION IN THE COUNTRY has a TV in their newsroom. So drop this TV foolishness once and for all!”

Me: “First, I have toured [Well-Known News Station], and they have a TV in their newsroom. I’ve also visited friends who work at [Other Radio Station], and they have a TV in their newsroom. And I did my internship at [Sister Station], and, not only do they have a TV in the newsroom, but a TV in the announcer’s booth, too.”

Boss: “Yeah, a TV in the newsroom is quite a common thing. I’ve been asking [Station Manager’s Boss] for one at our flagship station for years, but he keeps saying it’s not in the budget.”

(My station manager stands there for a bit, just beside herself, not knowing what to say.)

Station Manager: “Good meeting, everybody! Your feedback will be taken into consideration.”

(She sprints out of the room. My boss just turns to me and apologizes for me having to work with her.)

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