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What They Really Think

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2008

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.

Customer: “Stupid b****!”

(He follows this up with miscellaneous other insults. I take mute off.)

Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”

Customer: “OH, F***!” *click*

This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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How To Strike Out 101

, , , | Right | July 8, 2009

(I’m female, and one day a male patron walks up to me.)

Patron: “Can you look up information on gonorrhea for me?”

Me: “Sure…”

(I start searching in various databases when I suddenly feel the patron caressing my knee.)

Patron: “You’re doing such a good job!”

Me: “…”

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Sign Of The Times

| Learning | August 22, 2013

(My high school is three stories tall, with stairs at either end of the building. One of the stairwells has doors leading onto the third floor which are labeled with bright red stickers with foot-tall letters reading ‘DO NOT OPEN: SILENT ALARM.’ I am talking to my friend on the first day of school.)

Me: “I wonder how long it will be until someone opens those?”

My Friend: “Oh, come on! Nobody’s that dumb!”

(Fast forward to a year and a half later. My friend and I are in class together. Outside the window, something outside catches my eye.)

Me: “Hey, look, a fire truck.”

(A couple of my classmates come to look.)

Me: “Hey, look. Another fire truck.”

(More classmates come to look.)

Me: “Hey, look. A police car.”

(Everyone in the classroom, including the teacher, is now headed for the windows.)

Me: “Hey, look, they’re all coming HERE! Do you think…”

(Sure enough, a freshman has missed the huge signs and has opened the silent alarm doors. Final total: six fire trucks, two police cars, one embarrassed freshman, and one entertained student body.)

My Friend: “Well, I was wrong. Somebody is that dumb!”

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Emergency Disservice

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2010

(I am a Community Assistant. When a resident has a problem with their apartment they have to call the CA Duty phone. However, today is labor day and it’s my day off.)

Resident: “I have an emergency at my apartment!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Resident: “There was a bee’s nest in my roof, but now the bees have come through a crack in the ceiling! My apartment is full of bees!”

Me: “Sir, I would recommend that you call some sort of animal services, but I can’t help you.”

Resident: “Well, why not? Doesn’t the apartment have some sort of procedure for this type of situation?”

Me: “Well, it’s Labor Day and my day off. Plus, you’re supposed to call me for maintenance issues, not insects.”

Resident: “You can’t take the day off! What if there was a medical emergency on a holiday!”

Me: “Then I hope you would call 911.”

Resident: “Don’t they have the day off, too?”

This story is part of our Labor Day roundup!

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One Sells Cats, The Other Sells Cat-Suits

, , , | Right | December 19, 2010

(I am the assistant manager at a store that specializes in adult videos and toys.)

Customer: “How did you end up here, anyway?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “How did you end up working here?”

Me: “I applied?”

Customer: “No, I mean, what’s an innocent little girl like you doing working at a place like this?”

Me: “Well, you know how people who love animals work at pet stores?”

(The customer has a moment of realization and becomes clearly flustered.)

Customer: “Oh…well, excuse me.” *leaves hurriedly*

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