(My friend and I are browsing t-shirts. We’re glad to be out of the 97-degree heat wave attacking all of Vermont. Suddenly, we hear an angry customer behind us.)

Customer: “It’s an outrage! You should be ashamed of yourselves!”

(We turn around and see a middle-aged man yelling at the two young ladies behind the register. He appears completely normal otherwise.)

Customer: “I refuse to shop here! This is completely immoral!”

(He begins to go around to every single customer and repeat some variation of this rant, which we can’t quite catch until he runs up to us.)

Customer: *to us* “Don’t shop here. Leave right now. They have their door open and the air conditioning on and it’s CRIMINAL! If you shop here, you hate the environment!”

(He goes to the door, spins around dramatically and yells out one last time.)

Customer: “This business supports global warming! Don’t give them your money; they’re trying to destroy the earth for profit!”

(He then stomps outside, presumably to repeat this same rant to every other store on the block.)

Cashier: *to us* “Our air conditioning isn’t even on…”

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(I am calling a customer to let them know that their order is in.)

Me: “May I please speak with Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi there, this is [My Name]. I’m calling from [Store] to let you know that your order is in, and you can come pick it up anytime.”

*long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were a recording!”

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(I’m in line, paying for my own order, when another customer comes up to the other register at the counter, and I overhear this exchange.)

Customer: “I’m not telling you my order. I’m in here every morning. I always get the same thing. You should know what it is.”

(I sneak a glance to look for some sign that he’s joking, but he seems serious and irritated. The server is visibly flustered and begins apologizing. I’m angered by his attitude, but since he relents and gives his order, I decide to stay out of it. For the record, his order wasn’t complicated, but neither was it very simple. I pass him to collect my sandwich at the end of the counter and am going to leave, but he starts complaining again.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this. I’m in here every day! You people should know this.”

Me: “Excuse me sir, I’m curious.” *points at his server* “What’s her name?”

Customer: “I don’t know her name.”

Me: *points at other two servers behind the counter* “What are their names?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Really? But you’re in here every day.”

Customer: *smiles and drops his head, chagrined* “Good point.”

(I left then, but I hope his next words were an apology!)

(The mortgage company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then they hang up*

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Me: “The computer is showing that you have a late balance of $5.60.”

Customer: “What? My movie was on time!”

Me: “Looks like it was two days late.”

Customer: “But I just returned it today!”

Me: “Yes, it was a five-day rental. It was due two days ago.”

Customer: “But I rented it Thursday! It should have been due today!”

Me: “You actually rented it last Tuesday, exactly one week ago. For the confusion, I can remove your late charge for you this time. Just be a little more careful in the future.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! You rented me my movie on the wrong day! You rented my movie early!”

Me: “You’re saying that I was able to predict what you wanted two days in advance, entered it in the computer, and you came in two days later to get it and pay for it?”

Customer: “That’s exactly what I’m saying! You rented my movie early!”