(Usually, I cashier at my store. It is slow, so I am called to work on the floor.)

Customer: *recognizing me* “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you worked on the floor!”

Me: “It’s slow, so they put me to work out here.”

Customer: “I’m surprised they didn’t just send you home. This place is a graveyard at this time!”

Me: *laughing* “Afraid they don’t do that. If you have a pulse and can stand in one place, you’re good for work!”

Customer: “But you do go home right?”

Me: *jokingly* “Home? No, they have a big cage in the back where they lock us up overnight until they need us again.”

Customer: *horrified* “Well, I never! I’m never shopping here again if they use slaves!” *storms away before I can say I am only kidding*

(My shift ends and I’m leaving. I overhear the managers talking.)

Manager #1: “Some woman called to complain about our slaves.”

Manager #2: *grinning* “Dang, how’d she find out about that?!”

(We wanted to avoid common questions, so we made a massive wooden ice cream cone and put it up on the counter to display the number of scoops possible, and the price at each level. This thing was like 4 feet high, each scoops with a diameter of at least 1 foot.)

Woman: “Hi, how much is one scoop?”

Coworker: “Oh, right here…” *points to sign*

Woman: “JESUS! Those are huge! How could anyone eat that much?”

Coworker: “…”

(I ran into the back, almost in tears from laughing.)

This story is part of our Ice Cream roundup!

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(I am working at the cutting table at a fabric store when a woman charges up to the table, bypassing others waiting in line.)

Customer: “You need to cut this fabric for me right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I am helping other customers.”

Customer: “How dare you talk back to me! You are here to serve me. You work for me! You are my servant and you need to listen to what I say!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I work for [Craft Store], not you. Now, please wait in line and I will help you when your turn comes.”

(The woman proceeds to throw her fabric on my head and knock down three display bolts. My manager calls the police and she is escorted out of the store, still ranting.)

Customer: *while being escorted out by the police* “You’re all my servants!”

This story is part of the snobby customers roundup!

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Customer: “We would like to bowl on the lane next to our friends. They are on lane five.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. You are on lane six.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

This story is part of our lost customer roundup!

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(I am giving information about documents students need to bring to their university interview.)

Me: “We’ll need you to bring your birth certificate, an ID, your high school diploma, and eight black and white photos for your file.”

Customer: “Eight photos? How?”

Me: “Yes, eight black and white photos.”

Customer: “You mean four black and four white?”

This story is part of the College-Admission-Fails roundup!

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