(I work on the IT department of a medium-sized company. Sometimes we have issues that require me to log on to a computer, using my admin account, to reinstall software. I have an incident in which I’m certain this is needed, but the user is still logged on. I call him to ask him when he can log off.)

Me: “Good morning. This is [My Name]. I would like to fix the incident you reported but I need you to log off for about 20 minutes. When can I do this?”

User: “I don’t have time to log off for 20 minutes!”

Me: “Ah, I see. Can you log off when you leave to go home so I can do it tomorrow morning?”

User: “That means I have to re-log on tomorrow morning. That takes too long.”

Me: “During your break, then?”

User: “So I have to re-log on after my lunch? No, it takes too long to re-log on. Why can’t you just fix my issue?”

Me: “I might be able to give you a new PC, but that would probably take a few days since I have no computers in stock and have to wait till one comes back.”

User: “If you give me a new PC I will lose all my settings. That will take too long.”

Me: “Well, I have tried everything in my power and cannot help you. I will close the ticket.”

User: “HUH? Why would you close the ticket? I still have the issue!”

Me: “Hello there, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for batteries for this calculator.”

Me: “Okay, but just so you know, that calculator doesn’t really need batteries. It has little solar panels right on the front that power it.”

Customer: “Solar panels? I want to use this calculator indoors!”

(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)

Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”

Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”

Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”

This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

This story is part of our Video Games Roundup!

Read the next Video Games Roundup story!

Read the Video Games Roundup!

Me: “[Video Game Store]. how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

(At this point, the caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous! You have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

Caller: “I don’t have a f****** TV!”

(I work at a well-known fast food chain. One of my coworkers is, in my opinion, one of the coolest people ever. A couple years ago, a fad started circulating on the internet where a person rapped their order to our chain. We hadn’t been a victim of imitators until one night, when my coworker and I are working together.)

Customer: *finishes his rap*

Coworker: “Now let me get this straight…”

(My coworker starts rapping herself:)

You say you a double cheese
with no leaves,
and no seeds on the bun,
well that’s alright son cause we ain’t got none,
And not one but two for you
You saying you want extra salt on your crispy frizzles,
Well fo sizzle.
A pepper for your brother,
and another,
but ain’t gonna be for my mother,
Now just answer this for me,
for that number 9 how would you like it,
grilled or crispy?

(Stunned, the customer stays completely silent for a few moments before answering.)

Customer: “Um… grilled?”

Coworker: “That would be [total]. Please pull up to the first window!”

Customer: *pulls up* “Here. And keep the change, you F***ing rock!”

(The customer grins and his friends give my coworker a cheer. After they get their food and drive off, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “You are officially the coolest person on the face of the Earth.”

Coworker: “I’d rather be the coolest person on the face of Mars.”

Me: “You’d be the only person on the face of Mars.”

Coworker: “And that’s why I think YOU’RE cool!”