Have No Truck With These Coworkers

| Working | March 4, 2013

(I’m 6 months pregnant when I have a confrontation with a difficult coworker. Note that this coworker had her son less than a year before, and complained throughout her pregnancy about how it wasn’t fair she had to do work.)

Coworker: “I can’t believe you!”

Me: “…What did I do?”

Coworker: “Making me do truck all by my f***ing self because you’re too lazy! That’s why you’re so d*** fat!”

Me: “What are you talking about? I stock all the time!”

Coworker: “Ugh, but you make me get all the stuff off of the pallets and put it in a cart for your fat a**. You know what? I’m going to go report you.”

(My coworker leaves and I stand there completely dumbfounded, as the attack has come out of nowhere. She and the shift manager soon return.)

Shift Manager: “Why aren’t you helping with truck?”

Me: “I can’t—”

Coworker: “She’s being a fat, lazy b****. She said she was going to make me do all the work!”

(Although this is untrue, the shift manager sides with my coworker against me.)

Shift Manager: “You know, we’re all getting sick of you not pulling your weight around here, [my name]. I think you should just go.”

Me: “Are you firing me?!”

Shift Manager: “I expect everything out of your locker by my shift tomorrow, or I’m throwing it all out.”

(He continues to berate me while I get my keys and coat out of the back because he won’t even let my near my assigned locker. I end up calling my husband to come get me, because I am sobbing so hard. I return the next day to retrieve my remaining belongings after my normally-scheduled shift. I run into my main manager.)

Manager: “[My name], you’re late and not in uniform. I’m going to have to write you up, you know.”

(I assume he’s in on the whole deal, so I break down once again. This stuns him, and he drags me into his office.)

Manager: “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Me: *sobbing* “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I was fired last night, and now this.”

Manager: “What! Fired?! Who fired you?”

Me: “The shift manager…”

(I tell him what happens and he goes to review the tapes, leaving me in his office. While I’m waiting for my manager to return, the shift manager walks in.)

Shift Manager: “What the f*** are you doing here, you stupid cow?! I told you—”

(At that moment, my manager walks in.)

Manager: *to the shift manager* “What the h*** do you think you’re doing?!”

Shift Manager: *freezes and turns pale*

(My manager sends me home, giving me three days paid vacation to relax and calm down. When I return to work, I learn that both my shift manager and coworker have been fired. They would’ve only gotten a write up, had my manager not found footage of them having sex in several different places. As for me, I delivered a happy and healthy boy, and continue to work at my now-awesome job!)

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An Issue With The Male-To-Female Connection

| Working | January 15, 2013

Me: “Hi, I just bought a new desktop from you guys and I think it has a faulty connection.”

Employee: *condescendingly* “Uh huh, I see. And what exactly is your trouble, miss?”

Me: “When I put a disc into the optical drive, it didn’t respond. I checked and the OS is denying the computer even has an optical drive, but the light on the front is on. So, I figure the connection to the motherboard must be loose. Can I get you guys to patch that up for me?”

Employee: “Sure, we’ll get rid of that virus for you in no time.”

Me: “Um… did you hear me? I said it’s a hardware problem. I’d fix it myself if it wouldn’t void the warranty to open the case.”

Employee: “No, no, sweetheart. It’s almost definitely a virus. It’s really rare for it to be anything else. We’ll have to run what’s called a scan, so you’d need to join the queue. It’ll be a couple of days for that.”

Me: “You don’t need to scan it! You just need to open the case and reconnect the bloody wires!”

(We go back and forth, but I eventually surrender the machine, insisting before I leave that “check the hardware first” be written on the work order. Three days later, I finally get the call to come in and pick it up. This time the clerk is a different one and the work order is nowhere in sight.)

Me: “So what was the issue?”

Other Employee: “Well, Fred scanned it about five times but it kept coming up clean, so when he left yesterday I popped it open myself to check the hardware. Funny thing: the drive wasn’t even connected to the motherboard!”

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A Chequered Credit History

| Right | May 30, 2014

(We had just stopped taking checks the day before. A customer walks in, and starts writing a check.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t accept checks. You can pay with cash, or a debit or credit card.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am? My family has owned ALL of the pharmacies here in town for the last hundred years!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our system won’t allow checks. You’ll have to pay with another option.”

Customer: “My family has more money than this whole mall!”

(The customer then pulls out a credit card to pay.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Your card was declined.”

(The customer walked out of the store without saying another word.)

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Lack Of Heir Conditioning

| Right | July 8, 2010

Tenant: “The heat in my home hasn’t worked all winter! Do you know how much my children have suffered?”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t fix the problem if we don’t know about it. Why didn’t you call earlier?”

Tenant: “I’ve already had my uncle look at the heater. It’s not fixable, and you owe me $60 for having him confirm that.”

Me: “By law, we have to supply you with heat. We would have replaced your heater and given you wood to burn while doing so.”

Tenant: “That’s okay. I’m burning the fence.”

Me: “The privacy fence?”

Tenant: “Yes! My babies need to be warm.”

Me: “That’s treated wood.”

Tenant: “My babies need to be warm!”

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Bedtime Vs. Lifetime Stories

, | Right | September 7, 2011

(Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”

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