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Visions Of Dogs Chasing Their Own Tails

, , , | Right | June 10, 2008

Customer: “This electronic key does not work in my car.”

Me: “Does it turn in the ignition?”

Customer: “Yes, but it will not start.”

(I put the original and copy key in my magic decoder box and they check out fine.)

Me: “Well, let me have a look… Where is your car?”

Customer: “At home.”

Me: “Well, you have to drive it here.”

Customer: “But the key does not work.”

Me: “Use your original key.”

Customer: “That does not work either.”

Me: “Okay, let me explain how this works. I make a copy of your key. If your key does not work, then the new key will not work either.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Let me put it like this. If you copy a paper with misspelled words the copier will not correct the spelling, because it’s a copy! What happens when you try the key?”

Customer: “The dash says ‘Code not found.'”

Me: “Well, then the problem is the car, not the key. It is not reading the code on the key.”

Customer: “So make me another.”

Me: “The problem is the car. Are you going to pay when the next one does not work?”

Customer: “No, I’m not going to pay for a key that does not work!”

Me: “So you want me to keep making keys for you until one works or I run out of them. But you will not pay for any of the keys that do not work even though the problem is your car, not the key.”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m just not that stupid.”


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Going On And On And Coupon

| Right | April 10, 2015

(I used to work as a cashier at [Large National Chain]. One afternoon I am ringing out an elderly couple’s groceries. The elderly woman has a duplicate coupon for an item that she can only use one for. I give it back to her and try to explain that we don’t allow duplicate coupons. The woman becomes irate.)

Elderly Woman: “We already spend so much money here! Why can’t we just use it?”

Me: “Ma’am, you only have one of those items, and the coupons are only good for one item each. You can get another one and use the coupon, but I can’t ring the second one up when you only have the one item.”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t understand. My husband and I spend so much here. Can’t you just allow it?”

Me: “I can’t. I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t even scan, and I’m not allowed to hand-key it in at this location.”

Elderly Woman: “That’s stupid. Just forget it.” *throws her items at me* “I don’t understand why you can’t just do it when I spend so much money here.”

(I apologized to the woman and continued scanning her items. Later, I was working at the customer service desk and she went up and complained about me. To me.)

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Best Not To Lose Sleep Over It

| Learning | May 6, 2014

(I’m in an AP European History course. These events are recounted to me later because I am asleep during them. As the teacher is going on with the lecture, Student #1 is asleep in the back corner of the room, and I am asleep in the front row and center, about three feet away from the teacher.)

Teacher: “[Student #1]! Wake up and pay attention!”

Student #1: “What about [My Name]? He’s asleep, too!” *he begins walking over to wake me up*

Teacher: “No! You leave him alone! He’s the only one who passed the midterm. He is allowed to sleep.”

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A Gruel-ing Customer, Part 2

| Right | June 27, 2013

(I am the supervisor on duty at a soup and sandwich shop. It is in the evening, so we are very slow. I am counting down one of the tills, while my coworker is ringing up a customer. The customer completes his order, and it is handed out to him a few minutes later.)

Customer: *to my co-worker* “Um, miss, I ordered soup, and there is no soup in here.”

(My coworker pulls up the receipt to double-check, though we both know he did not order any soup.)

Coworker: “I apologize; you did not order the soup. However, I can have it out to you in just a moment. I’ll add it to your sandwich so you will only have to pay the combo price of one dollar for it.”

Customer: “I don’t have enough money for that. I think I should get it free.”

(My coworker glances at me awkwardly, so I decide to step in.)

Me: “Sir, she is just adding on the amount you would have paid had you included the soup in your first order. If you order a sandwich, soup is just a dollar extra. So she is only charging you what you would have been charged in the first place.”

Customer: “I understand that, but it wasn’t in my first order so I shouldn’t have to pay for it. Plus I don’t have enough to pay for it.”

Me: “Sir, I was standing here for your entire order. No one else has ordered since you. While I understand it was a simple mistake, you did not order soup. However, we are not charging you full price which would be $2.50 for a cup of soup; we are charging you a dollar. So to be fair, you are still getting the same deal you would have gotten.”

Customer: “Right. But I only have the $7.50 for the sandwich.”

Me: “…so no matter what, you wouldn’t have been able to afford the soup?”

Customer: “Right. But you didn’t include it in the first order, so I want it free.”

Me: “But if you had ordered it in your first order, you wouldn’t have been able to afford it. We would not have been able to include it anyway.”

Customer: “Look. This isn’t hard. I just want the soup for free.”

Me: “I’m just supposed to give you soup free because you can’t afford it?”

Customer: “Will it help if I tell you my friend is sick, and she really wants this soup?”

Me: “Not at this point, sorry.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever…”

 

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This. Is. High Bar-ta.

, , , | Learning Right | December 28, 2009

(I coach an Advanced Recreational group of kids aged 11-14. I’m spotting one of the boys on the high bar when his arm slips and he elbows me in the face.)

Me: “Thanks. Please try not to do that again.”

Child: “Sorry!” *laughs*

(He tries it again, and elbows me in the face again. This time, my lip is bleeding so I go over to the door to spit the blood out of my mouth into the garbage. As I’m doing this, one of the dads that is watching from the lobby runs in.)

Dad: “That was freakin’ amazing!”

Me: “What was?”

Dad: “From the lobby, it looked like he elbowed you in the face, you thanked him, and asked him for another. Then you came and spat your blood into the garbage as a show of dominance over the rest of them. FRICKIN’ AWESOME!” *high fives me*


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