Playing (Hunger) Games With Your Orders

| Right | March 13, 2015

(I work at a coffee shop on my university campus. This happens way more often than it should, especially if my friends drop by when I’m working:)

Me: “All right, one regular soy mocha latte. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: “Primrose Everdeen.”

(A few minutes later:)

Coworker: “Okay, regular soy mocha latte for…” *he reads the name on the cup* “…aww, Christ. Primrose Everdeen?

Customer’s Friend: *at the top of her lungs* “I VOLUNTEER!”

Coworker: “You guys realise that stopped being funny last year, right?”

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No Servitude For Attitude

| Right | February 25, 2012

(I am working at the cutting table at a fabric store when a woman charges up to the table, bypassing others waiting in line.)

Customer: “You need to cut this fabric for me right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I am helping other customers.”

Customer: “How dare you talk back to me! You are here to serve me. You work for me! You are my servant and you need to listen to what I say!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I work for [craft store], not you. Now, please wait in line and I will help you when your turn comes.”

(The woman proceeds to throw her fabric on my head and knock down three display bolts. My manager calls the police and she is escorted out of the store, still ranting.)

Customer: *while being escorted out by the police* “You’re all my servants!”

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Like Tolkien To A Brick Deeping Wall

| Learning | March 27, 2013

(I am at an open day at school for my young son. It isn’t a faith-based school, so there are no requirements to be a particular religion. I am currently talking to the headmaster who has only been there three months.)

Headmaster: *notices my wedding ring* “What on Earth is that?”

(My wedding ring is a replica of the one ring from Lord of the Rings.)

Me: “Oh, it’s my wedding ring. My husband and I are huge Lord of the Rings fans.”

Headmaster: “What are all these demonic symbols on it?”

Me: “Oh, it’s Elvish writing, a language that J.R.R Tolkien made up.”

Headmaster: “A good Christian should never wear demonic symbols on their person!”

Me: “Oh no, me and my husband are atheists, but we want [son] to learn about different religions and decide for himself what he wants to believe.”

(The head looks taken aback by my son’s name, which is Japanese even though both my husband and I are British.)

Headmaster: “What sort of a h***ish name is [son’s name]?!”

(I am starting to get slightly annoyed now, but still persevere as it is a good school.)

Me: “We both have very common names, and wanted to name our children something that meant a lot to us, even if it wasn’t necessarily in common usage.”

Headmaster: “Well I don’t want any of your kind coming to my school and corrupting the other children, and I will send messages to the other schools in the county warning them of you! You should be ashamed of yourselves!”

(She proceeded to write “Do not accept anyone called [son’s name]” on her notepad and shooed me away. I later learnt she had been fired for turning away three Muslim families, but I still didn’t send my son to that school!)

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Double The 60Hz, Double The Fun

, , , | Right | July 6, 2009

(I notice an elderly couple in my department, browsing TVs.)

Me: “Welcome to [Electronics Store]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Husband: “Yes, we’re looking for a 46″ TV, but we aren’t sure what kind we need. Can you help us?”

Me: “Certainly. First off, what will you mostly be watching? Sports, movies, video games?”

Husband: “Mostly porn.”

Wife: “Oh, don’t tell him that!”

Me: “Well, then I suppose we’ll be needing an LCD with motion processing.”

Wife: “Why’s that?”

Me: “Well, we wouldn’t want it to blur during the good parts…”

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Not Presenting A Good Image

| Learning | August 18, 2013

(I work in a hotel, in the A/V department. A popular youth leadership educational group comes in. It is the day of the student oral presentations.)

Sales Manager: *answering phone* “Good morning, this is the A/V department. How can I help you?”

Student Presenter: “Do you have a projector and wireless slide advancer I can use for my presentation?”

Sales Manager: “We do have them at a cost. If available, I’ll send someone with one to your room.”

(The sales manager turns to me.)

Sales Manager: “Hey can you take a presenter and a projector up to that room?”

Me: “We were given instruction from the instructors that we were not to provide anything but what was already in the room for the students. It’s a part of their grade that they work out the equipment themselves… I’ll go up and explain it to him.”

(I walk up to the student’s room.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we were given specific instruction that we could not provide anything in addition to what was already provided in the room by the instructors.”

Student Presenter: *tearing up* “But you told me I could get this projector and clicker!”

Me: “I’m sorry; the sales person you spoke to was mistaken if he said that. The instructors, who are paying, have given me specific instruction to not add any equipment to the rooms. You will have to speak to your instructor if you want to add the equipment, and they will have to request it since they are paying.”

Student: *now red faced and crying* “But you said I could get this equipment! Now I can’t do my presentation!”

(The instructor walks in.)

Instructor: “What’s the problem here?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I was just explaining to the presenter that we were given instruction to not add any additional equipment to the room. That if he needed something more, that he would have to ask his instructor.”

Instructor: *to student* “Were you asking for more equipment?”

Student: “Yeah, because I need it for my presentation.”

Instructor: “You were given specific instructions as to what you needed to provide for your presentation. If you don’t have a projector, you will need to do it without one.”

Student: “But, I asked the hotel and they said they could provide one.”

Me: “My sales guy was mistaken by the room. That’s why I came up personally to explain the situation.”

Instructor: “No, you did the right thing. Thank you.”

(The instructor turns to the red-faced, crying student.)

Instructor: “STOP CRYING! You’re supposed to be at a leadership conference. This is what leaders face everyday. NOW MAKE A DECISION AND STOP CRYING!”

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