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My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2008

(I work in a restaurant, and one day, I answer the phone.)

Customer: “I’d like a delivery, please.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t deliver.”

Customer: “I thought you delivered.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, do I get some kind of compensation?”

Me: “Uhhh, no…”

Customer: “You mean I was inconvenienced for all this time and I don’t even get a f****** discount?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: *click*


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Finally Off The Hook

, | Working | February 26, 2014

(It is a rather slow day at my workplace. For the past year, one of my coworkers has been trying to hook me up with male customers, which I turn down. Her boyfriend shows up with her son while she goes on break. When she comes back, she is chatting about her son.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name]. Do you want any kids?”

Me: *restocking my station* “Nope.”

Coworker #1: “Do you want to get married?”

Me: “Nope.”

Coworker #1: “Do you want a boyfriend?”

Me: “Had one. Broke up with him. Don’t want another.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “I discovered I was asexual and aromantic when I was dating.”

Coworker #1: “So you have sex with yourself?”

Me: “No. It means I don’t want sex, just like aromantic means I don’t want any relationships other than familial or friendly.”

Coworker #1: “Oh my gosh, [My Name]! You’re a woman! You’re made to make babies!”

Me: “No. I am made to make high scores, art, stories, and honor to my God. Possibly even become a CSI.”

(One of my other female coworkers who’s been listening in speaks up.)

Coworker #2: “Amen, sistah!” *high-fives me*

Coworker #1: *fumes off*

Coworker #2: “So, what were those terms again? Because I think I’m one of those, too…”


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Christmas Cheer Versus Christmas Jeer

| Right | December 22, 2014

(Close to Christmas, I decide to cheer up my uniform by wearing a pair of glitter Christmas trees on a headband.)

Me: “Good morning! Can I help you?”

Customer: “Why do you wear those stupid things?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Those stupid things on your head. Absolutely ridiculous, and you look like an idiot.”

Me: *smiling and looking directly in her eyes* “Well, Christmas for me is actually a sad time. I lost my mum at Christmas, my uncle died shortly after, I have just lost my father-in-law to cancer, and my grown children live over 2000 kilometres away and cannot make it home. So, I try and make the holidays just that little bit happier by adding a bit of silliness. If I can make someone smile it’s worth it.”

Customer: “I’ll just take my foot out of my mouth now and leave.”

(I never did find out what she came in for but she left very humbled!)

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Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

| Right | October 10, 2011

(I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “TV or what?”

Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

Me: “The internet.”

Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

(Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

 

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Polly Want A Chromosome

, | Right | December 11, 2012

(I work at my University’s call center, soliciting donations from alumni. We are required to update alums on school news. I’m describing the new biology building to one alum.)

Alum: “Can I use it?”

Me: “The building? Well, it is mainly for current students and faculty, but you are always welcome for a guided tour.”

Alum: “I want to clone my parrot.”

Me: “Pardon me, what was that?”

Alum: “My parrot. It died. But I saved its body in my freezer. I want to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, even if alumni were able to use the building, our facility does not have the equipment necessary to clone your parrot.”

Alum: “No! You don’t understand! It was exceptional; it would stack rings and cups for hours. I want you to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m actually a biology major, and I assure you, we cannot clone your parrot.”

Alum: “Well, I’m going to contact the Biology Department. They’ll be more helpful than you are!”

(I’ve always wondered if she did, and if so, what they thought of the request!)

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