The Situation Is Unraveling And Unwrapping

| Right | January 16, 2014

(We offer gift wrapping where I work. Customer #1 has had her gifts wrapped BEFORE she purchases them, so I have no idea what she’s buying. She goes to get one of each item from the shelves. Instead of bringing all her items up at once, she proceeds to get them one piece at a time and insist that each one is ringing up wrong, even when they aren’t. Meanwhile, a customer comes up behind her.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re just waiting a bit.”

Customer #2: “Oh, it’s fine.”

(Customer #1 comes up with another shirt. I ring it up and, again, she argues about the price. It’s only a dollar difference so I just give it to her.)

Customer #1: “Wait! How the h*** am I supposed to know what I bought? How do I know what is in each box?”

Me: “I have no idea, Ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Well, you’re just useless, aren’t you? Void me out! I’m going to unwrap all of these, have them rewrapped, and then buy them!” *turning to Customer #2* “God, can you believe the people they hire here?””

Customer #2: “Honestly, I can’t.”

(Satisfied, Customer #1 moves down the counter and starts angrily unwrapping presents. Customer #2 puts her stuff on the counter, and in the process drops a candle.)

Me: “Oh! Did that break? You can get another one.”

(Customer #1 mutters something about me giving her a hard time and being too nice to Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “Oh, no. It’s fine.”

(Customer #2 places her candle on the counter, and I continue ringing her things up. As I start to ring up her jacket, I pull out the coat hanger and accidentally drop it. It hits Customer #2 in the chest.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I am SO sorry!”

Customer #2: *laughing* “Oh, I see how you are! I drop something in your floor, and you assault me!”

Customer #1: “Oh, my God! I saw everything! I’ll be a witness if you want, and you can sue her for all she’s worth.”

Customer #2: “Are you serious?”

Customer #1: “Absolutely. You can HAVE her job.”

Customer #2: “And have to deal with jerks like you all the time? Uh, no thanks!”

(Customer #1 storms off.)

Customer #2: “Thank God, eh? As I was saying, I can’t believe that [Retail Store] managed to find such a patient employee!”

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Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

, , | Right | November 23, 2007

(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

Customer: “DIP switch?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

Customer: “Eeeerrr… there are no switches there.”

Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not anymore!”

Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not anymore? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

Me: “REMOVED THEM?!”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

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General Housekeeping

, | Right | July 24, 2009

(A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Hotel Guest: “You wouldn’t happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?”

Me: “No… sorry.”

Hotel Guest: “Worth a shot!” *returns to hotel room*

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On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

, , | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009

Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

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Misplaced Responsibility

, , | Right | December 9, 2007

Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”

Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”

Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”

Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”

(Customer mutters and walks away.)


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