My husband and I are checking in for a long-haul flight. We’re confirming the seat allocations with the check-in clerk:

Me: “And those seats are in the child-free aisle, yes?”

Clerk: “That’s right, ma’am. I can confirm those seats are in that section.”

Suddenly, we hear a shrill voice come from an older woman checking in with another clerk adjacent to us. She is carrying a baby on her shoulder.

Passenger: “The what section?”

Me: “The child-free section. It’s a section of the plane where the airline guarantees you won’t be flying near any children.”

Passenger: “What disgusting discrimination! How dare you discriminate against the God-fearing people who do their duty and have children?! I’m flying with my granddaughter and I will not be treated this way, d*** it!”

The clerk serving the old lady passenger tries to calm her down, and we finish our check-in process. We eventually board the plane, get to our blissfully child-free seats, and take off without issue.

About an hour into the flight, I notice the grandmother from earlier keeps walking over to our seats, carrying her granddaughter, and prodding her to start crying right next to us. After she does this three times, I speak up.

Me: “Look, ma’am, you’re obviously doing this on purpose because you felt offended by the airline offering this seat section. I’m sorry you feel that way, but we booked this section specifically to be away from crying babies, and you’re ruining that.”

Passenger: *Raising her voice* “It’s you that’s ruining everything! Children-haters like you have no place in this world!”

An air stewardess approaches us and asks what the issue is. I try to explain the whole situation over the lady interrupting me and her poor granddaughter crying.

Stewardess: “I think I understand. Ma’am, this airline does indeed offer this section of the plane as a child-free section. If you take offense to that, please feel free to forward a complaint to the contact information found in your booking. As for right now, crying babies are not welcome in this section of the flight—” *looks the passenger directly in her eyes* “—and I am not referring to your child.”

Grumpy Grandma stormed back to her seat, and our heroic air stewardess got a round of “thank you”s from most of the passengers in our section.

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Employee: “Hi, thank you for calling [Bank] Online Banking Technical Support. How can I assist you today?”

Me: “Yes, I work at [Bank] and am trying to help [Person] do their online banking and it keeps saying, ‘Service not available at this time.’ I wanted to see if it was down all over, or if it was just their account.”

Employee: “Our system isn’t down. So, do you know how to clear the cookies from your browser?”

Me: “Yes. Just give me a minute.”

Employee: “Now, are you in Internet Explorer?”

Me: “I’m not in Internet Explorer. I’m in Google Chrome. Is that not supported?”

Employee: *condescendingly* “Honey, Google is a search & email service. It’s not a browser. Are you in FoxFire?”

Me: “No… honey. Google Chrome is a browser.”

Employee: “Is that C-R-O-M?”

Me: “No. C-H-R-O-M-E. You know what? Never mind. I’ll try Explorer. You have a good day…”

(I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

(The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

(Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

(My coworker has run out of his regular contacts and my boss has allowed him to wear his Halloween contacts at work today, which means he has red irises. None of the customers comment on it until one woman’s eight-year-old son notices them.)

Boy: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Coworker: *without missing a beat, dead serious* “Did you ever see the movie X-Men?”

Boy: *gasps* “NO. WAY!”

(The mom and I couldn’t stop laughing while I rang them up.)

(I’m a lesbian, but only my mum knows it. I am waiting for the appropriate time to tell the rest of my family. I am coming out of my walk in closet when my phone rings.)

Me: “Hello.”

Mum: “Hi [name], it’s the entire family. We’re on speaker. What’s up?”

Me: “Not much, just coming out of my closet.”

*pause*

Mum: “Oh, my gosh! You finally just told everyone!”

Other Family Members: “Tell us what?”

Me: “Huh, what? What am I supposed to tell you?”

Mum: “You just told us you are gay! You finally told everyone!”

Me: “Ah! I… well yes. I guess you all know now. But I meant it literally. I was in my closet putting stuff away, and you called as I was walking out.”

Sister: “That was pretty weird.”