(A customer comes to our help desk with a laptop that needs service.)

Me: “Okay, we are going to have to send your computer out for service. It’s going to take about ten business days.”

Customer: “What am I going to do?”

Me: “It’s okay, I will provide you with a loaner.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Wow, that is so sad.”

Me: “What is so sad? That you are going to be without your computer?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. It’s sad that they are lonely computers!”

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Customer: “So, I bought this printer from you and set it all up. My computer keeps saying ‘printer not found’.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t sound right. Could you tell me what you have tried so far?”

Customer: “Well, I turned the screen towards the printer, but the computer still keeps telling me that it can’t find the printer…”

(I work in a custom ceramics shop where we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”

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(The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You’re in a d*** wheelchair. I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”

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(I work at the front desk of a large resort in a small town. This is late at night so I am in the back room working on some nightly tasks. I have set the bell out on the counter in case a guest comes and I don’t see them.)

Guest: “HELLOOO!”

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Guest: “I just want to get checked in! I have been waiting here for five minutes!”

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry about that! Can I just get your last—”

Guest: “I demand to speak to a manager about having to wait! That is ridiculous!”

(I call the night manager up from helping another guest.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Guest: “This girl kept me waiting out here for five minutes before helping me!”

Manager: *to me* “Is this true?”

Guest: “Yes, it’s true! She didn’t even notice me!”

Manager: “And you tried ringing the bell?”

Guest: “Well, of course not!”

Manager: “May I ask why not?”

Guest: “Well, that would have been rude!”