Great stories from our entire backlog!
Me: “…and may I have the serial number of your [brand] product please?”
Customer: “Well, you know, in winter it’s very dark here in Norway, so I can’t read the serial number.”
Me: “I’m sure you can turn on the light for a moment, sir.”
Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s right…”
(My teacher doesn’t believe in giving extra credit to students who want it just to pass. When they ask for it, he gives them crazy requirements for them to earn it. Note: He’s also a giant nerd and doesn’t hide it.)
Student: “Is there anyway for me to get extra credit so I can pass?”
Teacher: “[Student], you’re so far down the hole right now you need all the help you can get. Go tame a Chocobo, befriend a Yoshi, and find an Elder Scroll, and you may have enough help to pass this class.”
(The next class she comes in with a plush Chocobo and Yoshi, and a replica of an Elder Scroll.)
Teacher: *without any surprise when he sees her* “Good. Put the same effort into this catch up packet here and you have a chance of passing.” *hands her a thick stack of papers*
(Apparently she did, because she passed!)
(My friend and I are checking out a sale at a store. I’m plus sized, but not overly big. However, this particular store doesn’t sell anything over a large, so I check out shoes and jewelry while my friend looks for clothes. While I wait, a clerk spots me and starts clearing her throat while glaring at me. I ignore it at first, but after the fourth time, I have had enough.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Clerk: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything in your size. You can’t shop here.”
(I’m very taken aback by this. I’ve been teased about my weight when I was younger, but nothing so rude.)
Me: “Well, I know you don’t carry my size in clothing, but I can fit in the jewelry and shoes just fine. Besides, I’m just waiting for my friend over there to find the pants she wants to buy. ”
Clerk: “Maybe you don’t understand: you can’t shop here. We don’t carry your size.”
Me: “That’s really no way to speak to someone. I’ve already told you that I’m not looking for clothes.”
Clerk: “Miss, please understand we don’t carry anything that would fit you. Please leave; you’re causing a scene.”
Me: “Excuse me? You cannot speak to me that way. Please get me your manager.”
Clerk: *throws her hair* “Fine! Whatever… she’ll just tell you the same thing I’m telling you now: We. Don’t. Carry. Plus. Size.”
(She goes and gets her supervisor who listens to my story. All the while, the clerk is standing behind her looking smug.)
Manager: “Well, I’m very sorry for that miss.” *turns to clerk* “You’ve been warned about discrimination and this time you’ve gone too far. Get your things and me in the office so we can chat.
Clerk: “She’s just a fat b**** trying to make me look bad! You can stuff it!”
(The clerk continued to shout profanities of both of us, so the manager fired her on the spot and called mall security. On the plus side, the manager gave me a gift card for $100 to another branch of their store in the mall that does have my size!)
Customer: “Hey, do you guys carry any mandolins?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry.”
Customer: “How about…” *dramatic pause* “Wo-mandolins?”
Me: “No.”
(The customer leaves with a grin on his face.)
Next Customer: “Really?”
This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!
Read the next Dad Jokes roundup story!
Read the Dad Jokes roundup!
This story is part of our Puns Roundup!
Read the next Puns Roundup story!
Read the Puns Roundup!
Me: “Sir, I’m afraid your SIM card has been destroyed due to entering your PUK code too many times. You will have to get a new one.”
Customer: “Okay, thanks.”
Some moments pass and he hasn’t hung up. I put the phone on mute.
Customer: “Stupid b****!”
(He follows this up with miscellaneous other insults. I take mute off.)
Me: “Uh, sir, you might want to disconnect the line, I’m still here.”
Customer: “OH, F***!” *click*
This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!
Read the next Swearing Customers roundup story!
Read the Swearing Customers roundup!
