Playstation Depreciation

| Right | March 13, 2015

(It’s near the end of my first day on the job and I’m still apprehensive. A customer calls the store and the manager picks up.)

Manager: “Yes, sir, we do have PS2 games, but they’re so old that they’re actually not in our system anymore; they’re just permanently marked down and sitting in the bins. The only way we could find a specific one for you is if we physically searched through each one.”

(Pause.)

Manager: “No, sir. As I said, we do have them but if you want a specific one, you would have to find it yourself in our bins. I’m sorry, but those games are very old and as I said, the specific titles are just not in our system anymore.”

(Another pause, and I actually hear the customer screaming “YOU JUST LOST MY BUSINESS!” over the phone.)

Manager: “Yes, sir, I’m sure I’ll cry myself to sleep about those lost 50 cents. Have a good night!”

(I was significantly less apprehensive about the job after that.)

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Good Music Isn’t Sharp, Sadly Doesn’t Apply To Customers

, , , | Right | February 16, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Music School].. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are a music school. We do not carry anything like that. There used to be a handbag store in this location, but they have gone out of business.”

Caller: “Are you sure you don’t sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I am positive we don’t, as we are a music school.”

Caller: “Well, could you go check?”

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Hoodlums Get Hoodwinked

| Right | March 1, 2013

(I’m working the night shift. The only customers are a couple in their late-teens or early twenties. While they’re browsing the shelves a couple of younger teenagers walk in with sagging pants and sideways hats, swearing loudly.)

Teen #1: “Yo, motherf***er! Look at this piece of s*** they call a f***ing cheeseburger.”

Teen #2: “That’s f***ing f***ed up, bro!”

(They continue this until the girl walks up and taps one of them on the shoulder.)

Girl: “Hey, sweetie. Remember me?”

Teen #1: “I bet I f***ed you all night long and you’ve come back for more, b****.”

Girl: *laughing* “Not quite. I graduated from [local high school] with your sister last year. I remember you when you were in diapers.”

Teen #1: “I ain’t wearing no f***ing diapers no more.”

Girl: “Yeah, but you still act like it.”

(She then proceeds to pull his pants up and turn his hat right. While she’s doing this a pack of cigarettes falls from his hoodie, which she takes.)

Girl: “I bet your mom would love to hear about this. I’ll be sure to inform her when I see you guys at mass tomorrow.”

Teen #1: *goes pale and flees with Teen #2 from the store*

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23

| Right | September 15, 2013

Customer: “I have a direct debit, but now you’re charging me extra costs. Why? You can just take the money from my account!”

Me: “Well we tried twice, but the bank refused the payment. That’s why we sent you two reminders before adding the costs. Did you receive the letters?”

Customer: “Probably, but I never read your mail because I have a direct debit.”

Me: “But how are we supposed to let you know something is wrong if you don’t open the mail? We’re not sending you spam; we’re sending you a legitimate message.”

Customer: “Yeah, but as I said I don’t read them. So, now I feel I don’t have to pay the costs, because I didn’t know the payment failed.”

Me: “But we told you in the letters that the payment failed. Twice.”

Customer: “I DON’T READ THEM. You should have let me know!”

Me: “We did! How else were you expecting to receive our notices?”

Customer: “I don’t know! I just think the costs shouldn’t be charged.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the costs are correct. You just told me that you received our letters, but you don’t read them. We let you know that the bill wasn’t paid and stated in our letters when the payment was due to prevent the costs. I am fully willing to discuss payment, but you will have to pay the costs.”

Customer: “I am not happy about this. I was expecting more from you.”

Me: “More? What were you expecting besides two letters?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just… more…”

(The customer did end up paying the costs. I’m still wondering to this day what kind of ‘more’ he expected from us.)

 

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Time Waits For No Chinaman

| Right | January 31, 2014

(An older customer approaches my cash register.)

Customer: “Did you know that all the reality TV shows you watch today are 35 years old?”

(I look up to see if he was joking as some people with odd senses of humor come in my store. He isn’t.)

Customer: “Yeah! Five years ago I created a virus that turned all the TV transponder clocks back 50 years to 2008. At my old house, I received a TV station from China that was all in English and they said that the year was 2100. If you believe that the year is actually 2014 you are sadly mistaken.”

(I am still speechless. I don’t know if I should mention the inconsistencies in the time that it actually is or is not, so I just ring up his purchases. After the customer leaves, the next customer approaches.)

Next Customer: “It is kind of a scary thought that that man is allowed to operate a motor vehicle!”

Me: “Yeah. I figured I shouldn’t tell him that I have actually lived in China and we pretty much agree on what year it is.”

(The man’s purchases: two Neil Diamond cassette tapes easily over 30 years old. Maybe he was stocking up for the next time he releases the virus again!)

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