Way, Way Too Much Information

, | Right | September 3, 2008

Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.”

Me: “All right. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters*

Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?”

Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?”

Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.”


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Stuck In A Lupe

, , | Right | April 26, 2010

Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel]; how may I help?”

Caller: “Do you have a housekeeper named Guadalupe?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Caller: “Or Lupe?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “I spent the night with her a week ago and I’m trying to find her. We had a good time. Guadalupe?”

Me: “Is it possible she goes by another name?”

Caller: “No. Guadalupe.”

Me: “There is no Guadalupe here.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel]. How may I help?”

Caller: “What about Maria?”

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This Professor Is Making Me Nervous

| Learning | September 10, 2013

(I am in a physiological psychology class on the first day. Our professor is really laid back and relaxed, and is leaning against the whiteboard for most of class. Right now, he’s going over our notes on the autonomic nervous system with the class.)

Professor: “So, we have the parasympathetic nervous system, which handles basic maintenance stuff, and we have the sympathetic nervous system, which handles stuff like—”

(The marker tray he’s leaning against breaks, and the entire bottom part of the whiteboard falls to the ground with a huge bang! The whole class jolts up in shock, and the professor yelps and jumps.)

Classmate: “Professor, you okay!?”

Professor: “Yeah I’m fine! And as I was saying: It handles the fight or flight response! That was totally intentional.”

(It did indeed make for a very good example!)

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Stripped Of His Confidence

| Right | April 23, 2014

(This conversation occurred between me and a customer buying shoes for a wedding. I’m a tall girl and rather busty.)

Me: *after ringing up shoes and going through usual questions* “Okay, that will be [total].”

Customer: “Just a second.” *pulls out wallet, digs in pockets, and locates two extra bills in another pocket* “Hey, I found extra money. That’s great!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I always love finding extra money at the bottom of my purse.”

Customer: “Oh, from your job as a stripper?”

(At this he freezes and his whole face is overcome with a look of absolute horror at what he’s just said. His tone isn’t insulting and in fact I got the distinct impression he must have a lot of female friends he casually jokes with without thinking. I’m standing there struggling between laughter and insult and settle on laughter as I’ve had a good day and he just looks like he feels really bad.)

Customer: “Oh, my god, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to imply—”

Me: “It’s fine. It’s flattering to think I look good enough to be a stripper.” *poses*

(The customer laughed though clearly still felt bad, He paid and left with his shoes. Another coworker walked over, having heard the exchange, and we stared at each other a moment before we burst out laughing.)

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