(I am the customer in this story. I am on a camping trip at a boardwalk. I approach an ice cream stand.)

Me: “Hi! Could I please have a cone of mint ice cream?”

Cashier: “Sure— Wait. Did you say please?”

Me: “Um. Yes?”

Cashier: “Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else say please!”

(The cashier turns to a coworker.)

Cashier: “Hey, [Coworker]. Have you?”

Coworker: “I don’t think so. Maybe only kids.”

Cashier: “Thanks! Here’s your ice cream! Have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you! You, too!”

(I am the customer. I’ve been having the worst week ever, fighting with my cable company to get Internet in my new place, and for some reason I have to be online to activate my online access! It’s pretty late when I come into what I hope is a 24-hour coffee shop with Wi-Fi.)

Me: “Hey, what time does the lobby close?”

Barista: *looks worried* “Um, we close in about ten minutes.”

Me: “Oh, man. Oh, that figures.”

Barista: “Why?”

Me: “I was hoping to get online. I don’t have Internet and I need to handle some stuff.”

Barista: “Well, if you don’t mind us listening to music really loud, we’ll be here until 10:30. You’re welcome to stay.”

Me: “Are you sure? I don’t want to hang you guys up.”

Barista: “It’s no problem; don’t worry about it!”

(Not only was I able to get through to the online services and activate my Internet, but the baristas gave me free doughnuts when they cleaned out the cases! Way to make the worst week ever turn into the best night! Thanks, guys!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Communications, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, my cable box in my bedroom is not working.”

Me: “Okay, I can take a look at that for you. How is it not working?”

Caller: “Look, I just want to watch Eragon in my room…”

(I finally figure out that the box will not take the signal we are sending.)

Me: “It looks like we will need to get a tech out there to replace the box.”

Caller: “Why?”

(I try to explain that the box is refusing the signal and that we need to switch the box. This goes on for five minutes before I give up and try an alternative answer…)

Me: “Um… the box has gone rogue and is no longer taking instructions from us. We need to bring it back in for training.”

Caller: “Oh, that makes sense! Why didn’t you just say that?”

Me: “…”

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(I’m running late due to the local bus breaking down in the middle of the highway. I call ahead to let the company know I’ll be late, but apparently the message never makes it to the manager. I arrive to find him upset.)

Manager: “I sincerely hope you have a good reason for taking your sweet time to get here. I was on the verge of calling you up and firing you!”

(I apologize and explain what happened.)

Manager: “Well, you should have anticipated that and left home earlier. Because you weren’t here at the right time, we don’t have anyone to train you, so you’re going to have to come back tomorrow and accept we’re docking your pay for today.”

Me: “Um… look again. I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you can’t do that.”

Manager: “Excuse me? How do you imagine that?”

Me: “Because you haven’t hired me yet. I’m here for my initial interview so you can find out if I’m a good fit for your company.”

(The manager looks at me, then at my resume, and then at the receptionist.)

Manager: “Well, still, can you come back tomorrow? Everyone else is out on assignment now and I don’t feel like dealing with any more new recruits.”

(He tosses my resume back at the receptionist and walks away. I decided to seek employment elsewhere.)

(A woman tourist in her late thirties rushes up to my desk, followed by a man who appears to be her husband, and three children.)

Tourist: “Ma’am, ma’am, this is an emergency! My family have missed our flight and our passports are gone!”

Me: “I can put you in touch with your high commission, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Oh, yes! Would you?”

Tourist’s Husband: “Sweetheart, I have the passports at the hotel.”

Tourist: “Oh. Well, we still missed our flight! It’s June 18th and we were meant to leave on the 12th!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I see your tickets, please? Then I can put you in touch with your travel agent.”

Tourist: “Here you go!”

Me: “Ma’am, see here.”

Tourist: “Yes, June 12th.”

Me: “No, ma’am. July 12th.”

Tourist: “Oh.”

Tourist’s Son: *looks about eight* “Oh, mom….”

Tourist: “Oh, yeah, can you give us directions to that museum thing, Ta Pape?”

Me: “You mean Te Papa?”

Tourist: “Yeah.”

Me: “This is Te Papa.”

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