Looking For A Nose Job And A New Job

| Working | September 16, 2013

(I have woken up with a strained neck muscle, and am in quite a bit of pain. I quickly head to the nearest urgent care center. I am the only patient in the lobby, and have been waiting for over 30 minutes. I have also started to cry as the pain gets worse. The receptionist has just hung up the phone after a 20-minute conversation.)

Me: *sniffle* “Excuse me…” *sob* “Do you know how much longer it will be until I see the doctor? It…” *sniffle* “…is hurting REALLY bad.”

Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry sweetie, I haven’t even put through your paperwork yet. Just hold on, okay?”

Me: “Oh. Okay. I’ll try.”

(The receptionist picks the phone back up and makes a call. A nurse walks out to the lobby and sees me sitting there, crying heavily.)

Nurse: *to receptionist* “Where is this girl’s chart?! The doctor has been free for 30 minutes!”

Receptionist: “Oh, I haven’t done it yet. I was on the phone with my plastic surgeon getting the details finalized for my nose job tomorrow.”

Nurse: “Are you f***** kidding me?!” *to me* “Come on sweetie; we can do the chart while we examine you.”

(After a quick exam and a shot to loosen up my neck muscles, the doctor informs me that the receptionist won’t be a problem anymore, and waives my co-pay!)

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Failed The Phone Interview

| Working | December 8, 2014

(Each department in the hotel where I work offers a temporary management training position that, once you complete it, lets you transfer to a management position in any hotel in the chain with openings. One of my coworkers, who is known for being very childlike and constantly using his cell phone — which is not allowed — applied for the position.)

Coworker: “I didn’t get the management job.”

Me: *inaudibly* “I didn’t think you would.”

Coworker: “They should have given it to me! They gave it to somebody who doesn’t even work here! I already know this job! I told the general manager of the hotel in my interview that I could do my whole job while having a conversation on my phone at the same time!”

Me: “Wait a minute. You told the general manager that you’re on your phone while you’re supposed to be working?”

Coworker: *nodding enthusiastically and grinning* “Yeah!”

Me: “And you don’t know why you didn’t get the job?!”

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They Start So Young

, , | Right | March 4, 2009

(A girl of about eight years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.)

Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Girl: “So… are you going to give me some for free, or what?”

Me: “…”

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Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

| Right | November 5, 2012

(I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

Me: “I dyed it.”

Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

(I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Manager: “I do.”

Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

(She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”


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Get Into The Antichrist-mas Spirit

| Right | December 12, 2014

(There is soft Christmas music playing overhead.)

Customer: “Can you change this to Christmas music? Put it on [FM radio station].”

Me: “Christmas music is currently playing and this is satellite radio.”

Customer: “No, this is about Santa. SANTA equals SATAN! So change it to [FM radio station], now!”

Me: “Sir, once again, it’s satellite radio. I can’t change it to a local station.”

Customer: “So I have to sit here and listen to this?!”

Me: “No, you may leave.”

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