Me: “Here you go, ma’am. That will be $26.50.”

Customer: “Wait just a minute. That isn’t my stereo.”

Me: “Actually, it is your stereo. The serial number is right here and it matches.”

Customer: “This isn’t the stereo I brought in to be fixed. It looks all different. What did you do to it?”

Me: “We cleaned it.”

Customer: “Oh…ah…thanks!”

This story is part of the Customers-That-Make-You-Want-To-Back-Up-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists

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Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is down.”

Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”

Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”

Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”

Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”

Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “Owner logged in.”

Me: “Click on owner.”

Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”

Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller #1: “Hi, this is flying officer [Caller] with [Squadron]. I need the weather for five hours’ time on the west coast.”

Me: “So, that’s the forecast pressure, wind, and cloud cover?”

Caller #1: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for five hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what hasn’t happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller #1: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller #2: “Hi, this is [Squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

This story is part of our Chilly Weather Roundup!

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Read the Chilly Weather Roundup!

(I am on the bus. Three guys get on and, out of the corner of my eye, I see them look at me, exchange some whispers and approach me.)

Guy #1: “So… where are you headed?”

Me: “Just to the city for the day.”

Guy #2: “You should come hang out with us.”

Me: “No, thanks; I’m meeting up with a friend.”

Guy #1: “Well, ditch them and come hang out with us.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Guy #3: “Come on.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

(After the third refusal, they take their seats, one behind me, one in front of me, one next to me, essentially cornering me. They continue to attempt to persuade me to hang out with them for another two stops and I’m beginning to get quite frightened as they’re all about a foot taller than me. Suddenly, a stranger approaches.)

Stranger: “Hey, um, excuse me. Can I sit next to my girlfriend please? There are plenty of free seats.”

Guy #3: “Girlfriend?”

Stranger: “Yeah; can you move?” *turns to me* “Hey, baby, how was work?”

Me: “Okay…”

(Guy #3, who is sitting next to me, vacates the seat after the stranger gives him a meaningful look. The stranger takes his spot, wraps his arm around me and passes me his phone in which he’s typed the message ‘My name’s [Name]; play along.’. We spend the rest of the trip exchanging details about our day and future plans we have with ‘friends’ until, near the city, the three guys get off.)

Stranger: “Oh, my god! I hope I wasn’t crossing a line or anything! I just got on the bus and you looked so scared!”

Me: “I WAS scared; thank you SO much!”

Stranger: “My pleasure; I thought those guys looked like creeps. We made a good couple! Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Stranger: “Same!”

(We definitely stayed great friends after that!)

(My landscaping company gets an early job at 7:45 AM at a residence. While starting on the lawn, the customer suddenly comes barging out of his house. It’s obvious that he’s just woken up.)

Customer: “DO YOU B*STARDS KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?! It’s 7:45! I said show up at 8:45!”

(Note: the customer is wearing sweat pants and has some REALLY bad morning wood going on.)

Boss: “Sir, you said 7:45. We talked about this two days ago.”

(As my boss says this, all of the workers are trying not to laugh at the customer’s morning wood.)

Customer: “Screw you! I knew what I asked for! I will show you I wrote it down!”

(A couple of moments later, he comes back out wearing an embarrassed face.)

Customer: “I got the time wrong. Sorry…” *goes back inside, still with morning wood*

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