Giving You No Middle-Ground

| Right | August 20, 2014

Customer: “Hi, I’d like that ham, please.”

(The customer makes a vague gesture toward several trays of ham.)

Me: *pointing to the ham closest to her hand wave* “This one?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *pointing to another ham* “Was it this one?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Can you tell me what ham it says on the tag, ma’am?”

Customer: *very rudely* “It’s the one in the middle!”

(I look at the six trays of ham. There is no middle. This exchange goes repeats until I eventually point to the ham she wants.)

Customer: “You should probably be more attentive, miss. I need some cheese now.”

Me: “Of course. What kind would you like?”

(The customer waves her hand toward the case containing over twenty kinds of cheeses.)

Customer: “Give me two packages of that.”

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For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

, , , | Right | May 25, 2009

Me: “That’s £26.50, please.”

Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

Me: “Err, no?”

(Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygienic.”

Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

Customer: “Bah!”

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Don’t Kid Around About Sex And Violence

, , , | Right | January 13, 2011

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”

Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”

Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”

(Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers Apprentice book and return.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book — just without the sex and violence.”

Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”

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Can We Get Anymore Clueless?

| Right | February 29, 2008

Customer: “I want to buy these pans that I saw on sale online.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, what brand are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that!”

Me: “Okay…how much are they?”

Customer: “I don’t know that either!”

Me: “Do you perhaps have a photo of the pans?”

Customer: “I didn’t have time to do that!”

Me: “Alright ma’am, sometimes things sold online are not sold in store.”

Customer: “”All I know is that they were at this store and they were different colors.”

Me: “What colors were the pans?”

Customer: “I don’t remember!”

(I show her every pot and pan set that was a different color from the norm. E.g., orange, green and blue. Of course, that wasn’t what she wanted. She picks out an item that wasn’t even close to like she wanted in the first place. She goes to put the item in her cart, but she had lots of stuff in her cart and it doesn’t fit.)

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, it doesn’t fit in my cart!”

(She acted like it was my fault the stuff didn’t fit. I guess I was suppose to shrink the box for her.)

Me: “Well ma’am, why don’t you take some stuff out. Put the big stuff on the bottom and the small stuff on the top.”

Customer: *looks at me like a deer in the headlights*

(I was paged to another area of the store and walked away from her. I’m sure I would have punched her otherwise.)

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Faith Renewed In The Drive-Thru

| Right | October 19, 2012

(A customer comes in, and once she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to order anything, I’m expecting a complaint.)

Customer: “I know this is going to sound strange, but just hear me out. I went through the drive-thru this morning and they put a burrito in my bag that I didn’t pay for. I would like to pay for that now.”

Me: “You… came back here to pay for something that you got, but didn’t order?”

Customer: “Yes!” *beams*

Me: *flustered and a little confused, I ring up the burrito* “That will be $1.06.”

(The customer hands me the money happily and goes on her way. For me, this was an incredible show of honesty. Lady, wherever you are, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)

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