(I’ve just been outed, after a friend let slip that I have a boyfriend while talking to someone else in class. It’s pretty embarrassing, but most people don’t care, or are decent enough not to let it show. One classmate, however, has been taking advantage of our teacher’s lateness to berate me over it. No one else comes to my defence, so I’m just taking it. Finally, our teacher turns up. I think the classmate is going to stop but he grins at me and shouts.)

Classmate: “Sir! [My Name] is gay!”

Teacher: *looks uninterested* “Is that so?”

Classmate: “Yeah! [Friend] says he has a boyfriend. What are you going to do?”

Teacher: “Nothing.”

Classmate: “But he’s gay! How am I supposed to learn with one of those in the room?”

Teacher: “You’ve been taught by one for the past three years, so I think you’ll be fine.”

(I’ve never seen someone so horror-struck. He spends the rest of the lesson in silence and doesn’t turn up to class for the next week. On the Monday after our teacher makes an announcement.)

Teacher: “[Classmate] has been moved to another class after complaining that my ‘teaching style’ isn’t working with him.”

Classmate #2: “Is it because you’re gay?”

Teacher: “Oh, I’m not gay. [History Teacher] is though, and after our meeting today, he’s very keen to introduce [Classmate] and his parents to his husband at the next parent-teacher evening.”

(I have a degenerating back problem that requires me to use either a cane or strong pain killers to get around. Sometimes I leave the cane in the car while shopping, and simply lean on the cart. My wife and I are getting dog food; she loads the bag into the cart when an employee approaches.)

Employee: “Sir, you should be ashamed of yourself. Why would you make your poor wife carry that big bag to the cart? If you weren’t so busy standing around, you could have loaded that for her. People like you make me sick.”

Us: “But sir—”

Employee: “She’s half your size. I can’t believe you would be so lazy.”

Us: “But sir—”

(The employee continues to rant. By luck, my physical therapist rounds the corner and notices me. He walks up and greets me, and then sees the big, heavy bag.)

Therapist: “Hey, you didn’t pick that up did you?”

My Wife: “No.”

Therapist: “Good. With your back, one wrong move with that bag would set us back weeks on your therapy. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow morning!”

(As he walks off, the employee says in a huff…)

Employee: “If you had a medical condition, why didn’t you just say so?!”

(I am working at the cutting table at a fabric store when a woman charges up to the table, bypassing others waiting in line.)

Customer: “You need to cut this fabric for me right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I am helping other customers.”

Customer: “How dare you talk back to me! You are here to serve me. You work for me! You are my servant and you need to listen to what I say!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I work for [Craft Store], not you. Now, please wait in line and I will help you when your turn comes.”

(The woman proceeds to throw her fabric on my head and knock down three display bolts. My manager calls the police and she is escorted out of the store, still ranting.)

Customer: *while being escorted out by the police* “You’re all my servants!”

This story is part of the snobby customers roundup!

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(I am working as a third shift clerk in a convenience store. It is nothing unusual to get some very odd phone calls on my night shifts.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your store carry Magnum condoms?”

(This is actually a pretty common question.)

Me: “No, but we do carry Durex XXL.”

Caller: “Do you think you could handle nine inches?”

Me: “Sir, turn your ruler around. You’re looking at centimeters. Don’t neglect your lotion and tissues. Have a good night!”

Caller: “Ummm…” *click*

(Our dishwasher is having issues, so we call our landlord to have it looked at. The repair place calls my husband’s cell phone instead of mine. He can’t answer at work and I have to call back the next day. As usual, my call back means dealing with their ridiculous receptionist.)

Repair Place: “Hello, this [Business]. [Name] speaking.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Address] calling to schedule a time to have my dishwasher looked at.”

Repair Place: “How does Thursday look?”

Me: “Thursday is fine as long as it’s before 3:45.”

Repair Place: *indignantly* “What?! That’s far too late! We do deliveries in the afternoon!”

Me: “That would work out fine because I can’t be here late in the afternoon.”

Repair Place: “Is it that you both work? Is that the problem?”

Me: *I am so confused* “No, I’m a stay-at-home mom but I have an appointment at 4 pm so they have to be here earlier in the day. I have to leave the house by 3:45.”

Repair Place: “Okay, so they’ll come out Thursday morning. We call before we show up so you’ll have to answer the phone. We won’t come if you don’t answer the phone. You have to answer the phone this time! If we leave a message we won’t come out.”

Me: “Then you need to take down my phone number because you’ll need to call me on Thursday. You called my husband yesterday and he’s in Anchorage right now.”

Repair Place: *sounding hysterical* “What do you mean you’re in Anchorage?! You can’t call and schedule an appointment when you won’t even be there! You have to be there. Why are you even calling if you’re in Anchorage?!”

Me: “I’m not in Anchorage; my husband is. That’s why you need MY phone number.”

Repair Place: “You’re in Anchorage? How are we going to look at your dishwasher?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m NOT in Anchorage. I will be here on Thursday. But you need my phone number.”

Repair Place: “We have it. It’s the [area code] number.”

Me: “No, you don’t have it. You have my husband’s number. Mine is [my number].”

Repair Place: *sounding confused* “That’s a different number than what we have.”

Me: “Yes, so you’ll need to take my number and make sure they call ME on Thursday because the other number won’t be answered.”

Repair Place: “You really should just have a landline and one number.”

(She finally took down my number but who knows if they’ll call me or my husband on Thursday. What’s worse is that every… single… time… we deal with them, that’s how it goes. Their receptionist really is an airhead!)