Great stories from our entire backlog!

His Manliness Is The Cream Of The Crop

| Right | September 25, 2015

(I am a customer waiting in line at a coffee shop:)

Server: “Good morning, sir. What can I get you?”

Guy Ahead of Me: *very gruffly* “I don’t know. I hate all these choices. Just gimme a plain, brewed coffee. Black. And don’t put any of that sissy stuff in it. I don’t want flavors or whipped cream or any of that crap.”

Server: *a little taken aback, but polite* “Okay, sir.”

Me: “I’d like a double, tall, non-fat latte and, because I’m secure in my masculinity, add some whipped cream.”

(She gave me a discount.)

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Someone Is About To Be Fired

| Working | January 6, 2014

(My boss and I are travelling in the boss’s car when the boss gets a phone call that comes through the car speakers.)

Boss: “Hello?”

Coworker: “Hey. It’s me, [Coworker].”

Boss: “Hello, [Coworker]. What do you want?”

Coworker: “Uh, do you want the good news or the bad news?”

Boss: “The good news first, please.”

Coworker: “Well, the good news is, the fire’s out.”

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She Wants You Starkers

| Romantic | June 27, 2013

(I’ve been making an ‘Iron Man’ suit out of foam in secret, because I thought my girlfriend would call me crazy. When I finish it, I decide to wear it before she visits me, to show it to her.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God! Is this what you’ve been doing these past weeks?”

Me: “Um… well… yeah, I just —”

Girlfriend: “So help me, if you do not take it off right now, I will have sex with it instead of you.”

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First Class Has No Class

| Right | March 14, 2014

(A group of friends and I are just coming back from backpacking in southern France when our train breaks down. All passengers are advised to take another train; however, it is already full. As there is no more standing room in the second class, we head to the first class. We ask the ticket inspector if it is allowed. He says it’s fine. A group of businessmen in suits already seated in the first class seem to disagree and call the ticket inspector over.)

Businessman: “Excuse me? Could you please check the tickets of those youngsters? They don’t look like they would have tickets to the first class.”

Ticket Inspector: “They don’t indeed. However, second class is completely full.”

Businessman: “I understand that. However, I am paying your train company several thousands a year and for that, I expect a certain level of service. I am from Switzerland and own a large company myself! Those people only paid for one second class ticket and probably got it from a sale!”

Ticket Inspector: “Again, I apologise. They have paid for their ticket and they have a right to get to Paris, same as you.”

Businessman: “I will be calling your company to let them know about this situation!”

Ticket Inspector: “All right, then, sir. I will chase them out of this compartment. As there is no more space for standing, I will have to stop this train here. They will have to get off here and walk to the next town, and the train will be even more delayed. But at least you, the important businessman, will not have to be near those students. Is that what you want?”

(The businessman gets silent. The people he is travelling with are visibly uncomfortable.)

Ticket inspector: “If you wish to call and complain about me to the company, be my guest. Good bye, sir.”

(On his way out of the first class, the ticket inspector smiles and wishes us a pleasant trip. I only wish I could have bought this man a drink!)

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Coming Out And Going Out

| Learning | September 27, 2013

(I’m a teenage girl, and have recently gotten a very short haircut. I go to an all-girls school, but have to pass boys who are often rude and loud on my way home. One of them sees my haircut and starts shouting out homophobic slurs.)

Boy #1: “Lesbo! D***!”

(I turn around and give him the finger. Surprisingly, so does [Boy #2].)

Boy #2: “Dude, shut up! I’m gay, y’know!”

Boy #1: “What? You’re a f** too?!”

Boy #3: “Oh, piss off [Boy #1]. So, [Boy #2], you’re free tomorrow evening, right? Wanna catch a movie?”

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