Great stories from our entire backlog!

The Final Word On Passwords

| Right | April 16, 2014

(I work in an internal technical support where we have just recently change password systems that have strict requirements for new passwords. A customer is having trouble with creating a new password. It should be noted that this customer speaks perfect English.)

Customer: “It won’t accept any of the new passwords I make up.”

Me: “Well. keep in mind that the passwords have to be at least eight characters long, and have letters and numbers.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means that you have to have letters and number and all of the letters and numbers add up to eight. Like four letters and four numbers. Or six letters and two numbers. It can be more than eight characters too, so anything that adds up to eight or more.”

Customer: “No one can come up with that many letters… This is too hard.”

Me: “Um… Some people like to pick a word and then put some numbers at the end of the word. So long as you don’t use the word ‘password’ it will accept it.”

Customer: “A word? Like what? What words? Can’t you just make one up for me?”

Me: *feeling very uncomfortable and frustrated now but still wanting to help* “Well, what’s your favorite color?”

Customer: “Green! I love green.”

Me: “Okay… So, make your password ‘green’ and then add the year you were born to the end.”

Customer: “But… green isn’t a word.”

Me: “Wait… What?”

Customer: “You said pick a word.”

Me: “… Just type in ‘greenXXXX.”

Customer: “Oh that worked! Thank you! But you should be more clear with your directions next time.”

Me: “Yes, I’ll do that. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

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Check The Holodeck

| Right | December 19, 2013

(I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

(After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

(This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

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Emotional Blackmail Was Worth A Shot

| Right | October 22, 2014

(I own a kennel which provides both boarding & grooming services. I answer the phone:)

Me: “Good morning, [Kennel]. May I help you?”

Caller: “I need to board my dog. We’re here on vacation.”

Me: “Very good. What dates would you like to board your dog?”

Caller: “We need to bring her in today. We wanna go to Dollywood!”

Me: “We do have space for her, but we require proof of vaccinations: rabies, the distemper shot, which includes several other vaccines in it, and also bordetella, which is kennel cough.”

Caller: “WHAT?! We don’t have that with us! You HAVE to take our dog!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re required by law that every dog has to have current vaccinations. It protects not only your dog, but all the other dogs here as well. You could have your vet call us and confirm that your dog is protected. If you don’t have a vet, I can give you the number of several veterinary practices near you, and they can administer the needed shots today.”

Caller: “NO! You WILL take our dog! You don’t want to make my children cry!”

(I can then hear the woman talking to her family:)

Caller: “This mean woman just told me that she won’t let you go to Dollywood! She’s going to ruin our vacation!”

(I can then hear wailing (as if on cue) from several children.)

Caller: “Now look what you’ve done! You made my children cry! I hope that makes you happy! Now are you going to take our dog or are you going to ruin our vacation?!”

Me: I’m sorry, but without proof of vaccinations, I can’t take your dog.”

Caller: “Well f*** you! You ruined our vacation!” *hangs up*

Me: “Well, alrighty then!”

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Be Carrot-ful Who Serves You

| Working | October 5, 2012

(I have a quite unusual allergy. I can’t eat carrots or anything in the carrot family, and I have quite a severe reaction that requires hospitalisation. This includes carrots, coriander, celery, fennel, parsley and parsnips.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I do have a food allergy that the chefs should know about.”

Waitress: *rolls eyes* “Right. What do you want, then?

Me: “Erm, well, do you know what vegetables there are in your veggie burger?”

Waitress: *sighs* “No. Do you really want me to go all the way to the kitchen in these shoes just to ask?”

(Note: the waitress is wearing very high heels.)

Me: “No, love, don’t worry about it. I’ll just have the allergic reaction with a side of convulsions, followed by a good trip to A&E!”

(At this point, my friend bursts out laughing and the waitress totters off to the kitchen to speak to the chef. Luckily, the chef came out, apologised for the waitress and dealt with the rest of our order.)


This story is part of our Food Allergies roundup!

Read the next Food Allergies roundup story!

Read the Food Allergies roundup!

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Stress About The Dress

, , , , , , | Right | October 21, 2013

(I’m an overweight woman who has always struggled with weight due to a non-functioning thyroid. I struggle to find a store that caters to larger brides until I find this one, so I go to see what they have. There’s a large woman (probably about 5’5 and 350-380 pounds) on the stage in the center of the room having a fitting done. I’m browsing the catalogs when I hear an exchange between a daughter and her mother and the manager. The daughter is a thin girl who appears spoiled with how she talks. The daughter is staring at the larger woman on the stage, and leans in to her mother.)

Daughter: “I can’t believe someone like her is actually getting married!”

Mother: “I didn’t think whales mated for life!”

(The bride-to-be has clearly heard the comments, and is looking devastated. She takes a step away from the manager who is doing the fitting, but the manager stops her and walks up to the mother and daughter.)

Manager: “I can’t believe you think you’re going to get a dress from my store.”

Daughter: “Well, joke’s on you, then, because I’m actually here to pick it up! Besides, I’ve already paid.”

Manager: “Oh, you’re picking up your order? What’s the name?”

Mother: “It’s [Name].”

Manager: “All right…”

(The manager goes behind the counter, taps some things on the register, and then hands a receipt.)

Manager: “I need you to sign this.”

Mother: “What’s this?”

(The mother signs anyway.)

Manager: “That’s you signing that you have accepted a full refund for your purchase. You can find another store to get your dresses at. I just cancelled your order and am refusing you service. Now leave before I call the police.”

Daughter: “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! MY WEDDING IS IN NEXT WEEK! HOW DARE YOU!”

(The daughter starts throwing things around.)

Mother: “We had those dresses custom made! How could you cancel her order! Look at her!”

Manager: “I cancelled the order because I am not going to let any bride feel like she’s not worthy of marriage just because of her size. Clearly you both feel that you are better than others, and I have no place for clients that are, frankly, a**-holes. I’m calling the police, and since I still have your card information, I’m going to charge you for whatever damages your daughter causes.”

(The manager picked up the phone. The mother grabbed her daughter and they rushed out of the door. I ended up buying my dress from them, and it was BEAUTIFUL! Turned out the manager had a daughter who had a severe thyroid disease and had struggled with weight as well!)

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