Christmas Cheer Versus Christmas Jeer

| Right | December 22, 2014

(Close to Christmas, I decide to cheer up my uniform by wearing a pair of glitter Christmas trees on a headband.)

Me: “Good morning! Can I help you?”

Customer: “Why do you wear those stupid things?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Those stupid things on your head. Absolutely ridiculous, and you look like an idiot.”

Me: *smiling and looking directly in her eyes* “Well, Christmas for me is actually a sad time. I lost my mum at Christmas, my uncle died shortly after, I have just lost my father-in-law to cancer, and my grown children live over 2000 kilometres away and cannot make it home. So, I try and make the holidays just that little bit happier by adding a bit of silliness. If I can make someone smile it’s worth it.”

Customer: “I’ll just take my foot out of my mouth now and leave.”

(I never did find out what she came in for but she left very humbled!)

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Debunker The Flunker

| Learning | July 17, 2013

(In our class, we pick a station and are partnered with two or three other people. We have a computer-generated lesson plan based on which station we’ve picked. I’ve ended up partnered with a student I had a fight with a year or two prior, after he had attacked my friend.)

Me: “Why the h*** did you come to this station?”

Student: “Shut up, I just wanna do this one.”

Me: “Whatever.”

Student: “Fine, so you pick where we start.” *turns to a friend* “Man, this’ll be the easiest unit. She always manages to get a good grade somehow.”

(He then proceeds to spend the rest of the day doing zero work, letting me carry him. I decide that I could survive flunking one unit. At the end of the day, we get our grades back…)

Student: “What the h***?! How did I get an F?!”

Me: “Oh, gee, that’s really too bad. I guess I just wasn’t able to do so well all by myself.”

(The teacher actually apologized for letting him pair up with me when I explained our history, and actually forbade the guy from working not just with me, but in any unit taking place at a station next to me for the rest of the semester!)

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Crap, I Got Spawn Of Gorgoroth

, , , | Right | March 12, 2008

(I work at an store that sells teaching materials. A guy comes in. Keep in mind I was the only person in the store at the time.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get an algebra book for my nephew.”

Me: “Okay.

(I show him the algebra books, and we make small talk about his nephew…)

Customer: “I can see the divine light in you.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I went up to the mountain and Jesus burned the sins out of me. I couldn’t see anything except fire. Now I can see the divine light in people. You have it. You are pure and innocent.”

Me: *trying not to be completely freaked out* “Huh…heh…”

Customer: “I can see it…you are immortal!”

Me: “Okay…”

(Later, when my boss came back and I told her about this, she laughed and told me that according to this guy she was a Demon Slayer. I felt kind of gypped.)

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Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

, | Right Romantic | June 30, 2009

Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

(I run through the details and tell him the price.)

Caller: “Okay, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

Me: “Er… okay.”

Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”


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Flipping Out Over The Desk

| Learning | August 29, 2014

(I am in a double class being taught by two teachers. Both women are extremely over the top crazy for organization and decorum and will give at-desk suspensions to those who can’t do either. Needless to say, I had to sit at my desk for lunch break a lot. One day, after lunch, my teacher decides to have a randomized desk check. I wasn’t finished with my lunch, and it was in my desk as I had just served an in class suspension. I had small open packages like nuts and candies. My teacher comes straight to me first, and without even looking, overturns my desk in front of an entire class of 50+ kids. She glares at me, and then, with a smug smile, turns to the class.)

Teacher: “This is why you all need to be organized. Society hates people who can’t keep their stuff in order.”

(I’m destroyed. I’m seven years old and a teacher just made fun of me in front of my entire class. Only my best friend stands up for me at the time, coming all the way across the room from his desk to help me right my desk and put all my things in order. I ended up losing control and crying, again, in front of my class. Needless to say, when I went home, I talked to my mom about exactly what happened. My mom just assures me that things would be okay. The next morning, I walked to school with my neighbours, who had heard at school what happened. They asked me about what happened, but I didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t until I sat down for class when the boy beside me leaned over to me.)

Boy: “My mom said what the teacher did to you wasn’t right.”

(The teacher overhears this, and comes flying over. )

Teacher: “It IS right. End of story. Your mother is wrong.”

(Just then, I hear a commotion outside the class door, and my mother come through the door, being tailed by the principal, all four vice principals, and the secretarial staff, all from the office. My mom had spent the last hour in the office trying to move me out of the classroom. As it was the only grade three class at the time the principal couldn’t move me. My mom sees me, comes right my desk, and tells me to start packing. Of course, my teacher tries to intercept. This is all happening in front of my entire class of 50+ kids.)

Teacher: *to my mom* “Who are you?”

Mom: “I’m [My Name]’s mom. Who are you?”

Teacher: “I’m [My Name]’s teacher.”

Mom: “Really?”

Teacher: “Yes. I am.”

Mom: *pointing to a desk in the corner* “Is that where you sit?”

Teacher: “When I’m not teaching, yes.”

(My mom went over to the teacher’s desk, pulled out every single drawer, and dumped all it’s contents out on the floor. Then, she flipped the desk on it’s side, in front of my entire class, the principal, and all his support staff.)

Mom: *to the teacher* “Now clean it up.” *to the support staff* “Don’t help her. She’s beyond it, anyway.”

(My mom proceeded to grab my entire desk and walk down the hallway with it. As I had no other class to be in, my desk was placed just outside of the principal’s office, where I carried out the remainder of the year. The teacher was eventually fired after a full investigation and had her license to teach pulled.)

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