Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. What can I–”

Caller: “F*** YOU, B****! YOU G**D*** WOMEN HAVE NO F***ING RIGHT TO BELITTLE ME! B****!”

Me: “Um, sir, I think you have the wrong–”

Caller: “I SAID F*** YOU!”

Me: “Sir, this is tech support.”

Caller: “What?! Um… I mean… um…” *click*

(A few moments later, the phone rings again and I answer.)

Me: “Hello, tech support. What may I–”

Same Caller: “F*** YOU!”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Same Caller: *click*

(My boss who has been observing this the whole time decides to step in.)

Boss: *to me* “I’ll handle the phone now.”

(Not surprisingly, the phone rings again. My boss picks it up, and before the guy on the other end can say anything…)

Boss: “Sir, if you keep pressing redial, you will keep reaching the wrong number.”

Same caller: “Oh, s***!” *click*

(He didn’t call back.)

This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!

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Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that says ‘change toner.’ What must I do to fix that?”

Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

Customer: “What is a toner?”

Me: “It’s the ink that your printer needs to print on the paper.”

Customer: “What?! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser write directly on the paper without ink?”

This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

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Read the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I deposited a cheque in your ATM and wanted cash back, but it won’t let me. I need that money!”

Me: “All right, let me just pull up your file.”

(I find her in the system and see the deposit’s held as she’s overdue on her credit card payments by several months, which caused her accounts to freeze.)

Me: “Your deposit was definitely completed and is in your account, but unfortunately I cannot give you any cash as your accounts are frozen.”

Customer:”What?! No! They can’t do that! That’s my money!”

Me: “Well, yes, they can, because you haven’t made a single credit card payment in months.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So, you need to pay it back.”

Customer: “I have to pay? Why?”

Me: *blinks* “You didn’t know you had to pay it back?”

Customer: “No one told me!”

Me: “Miss, it’s a credit product, meaning you’re borrowing money from us. We don’t give money away. After you borrow the money, you’re expected to pay it back. All of it’s explained in your Card Agreement.”

Customer: *stares blankly at me*

Me: “The agreement you would’ve received in the mail along with your card.”

Customer: “That sheet full of ‘garbledygook’ that no one ever reads?”

Me: “Just because you didn’t read it doesn’t mean you’re exempt. By using the card, that means you agree to the terms associated with the card.”

Customer: “But I need my money! They can’t do that; it’s my money! I got no job! I have no money!”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’ll call them and speak with someone for you. We’ll figure out a solution together based on your current situation, okay?”

(I call them and discuss with the rep, then they ask to speak to the customer. I hand the phone over, and within seconds she starts yelling.)

Customer: “GIVE ME MY MONEY! You can’t do this! No one told me I have to pay!”

(She slammed down the phone, storming off while shouting “They won’t give me my money!” to random people on the way out.)

(I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

(The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

(I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

(The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

(She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”

(I am a regular in my favorite store for comics, books and board-games. The owner is a big fan of one of the big labels, while I prefer the other. We’re talking about new comics, when a young woman enters the store. She starts talking to the owner.)

Young Woman: “Hey, I would like to start with [my preferred label] comics; could you help me?”

Owner: “Sure, no problem.”

(The owner turns to me.)

Owner: “Hey, you know [label] comics better. Would you help?”

(The three of us begin to talk about the comics. An overdressed girl enters, and overhears me talking about my favorite series.)

Overdressed Girl: “Are you f****** stupid? Those stories are s***, and they’re for little children. Read [other label of comics which is written mainly for children]; they are for cool people.”

Owner: “Stop talking like this, or I’ll kick you out.”

Young Woman: “I… I don’t know what I should read.”

Overdressed Girl: “A girl? Girls don’t read comics. Not even if they are as fat and ugly as you are.”

(The girl is not fat; she seems to be fighting her tears.)

Owner: “Shut up and leave. NOW!”

Overdressed Girl: “I’m the hottest person in here! You can’t make me leave! I’m the hottest in here, and all boys want me!”

(I turn to the young woman who is by now almost crying.)

Me: “Hey, you know she’s wrong. You’re much prettier then her! Uhm… do you… want to go out sometime?”

(The overdressed girl storms out. The young woman looks at me like I’m crazy. The owner is laughing hard.)

Owner: “Nice one!”

Young Woman: “T… thanks.”

Me: “Yeah… so, what about that date?”

(We started dating soon after, and are now engaged!)