One Should Learn From Mistakes So That They Are Not Receipted

, , | Right | September 16, 2009

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer.)

Customer: “Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

Me: “Alright, here you go. Have a nice day!”

(About twenty minutes later, the customer comes back.)

Customer: “I bought the wrong figure! I need to make an exchange!”

Me: “All refunds and exchanges are done at Customer Service. Good thing I held on to your receipt!”

(I hand him his receipt and he went to Customer Service. He gets his refund, then comes back to my register with a different toy.)

Customer: “Alright, this was what I wanted to buy! Oh, and I don’t need a receipt.”

(This time, I put his receipt in the bag without saying a word.)

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A Sticky Proposition

, , | Right | October 28, 2008

Me: “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?”

Customer: “Yes, please… but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, well… just put it in my hand, then.”

Me: “Mayonnaise…?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: ‘…in your hand?”

Customer: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: Yes!”

Me: *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise*

Customer: “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves*

Me: *to my manager* “I need a break.”

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Taking The Raise Out Of Praise

| Working | June 19, 2012

(I am an assistant manager at a gas station, where I have worked for over a year. My manager has just finished my six-month review for my promotion. I find out the next day that she scored me incredibly low in several areas, so I ask her why.)

Me: “You’re always telling me what a great worker I am. Why is my review so low?”

Manager: “Oh. Well, I was mad at you for not getting the delivery order finished yesterday.”

Me: “I was scheduled by myself the entire shift, so there was no time to get it in. And one bad day shouldn’t affect my entire review.”

Manager: “Yeah, you’re actually a good worker. I was just mad when I filled out the review!”

Me: “Well, can you change it before you send it in?”

Manager: “Sorry, I faxed it off right after I finished it. I knew I shouldn’t have scored you so low, but I was just mad! Don’t worry, there will be another one in six months!”

Me: “What happens to me because of this review?”

Manager: “Oh, you just don’t get a raise this time. But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you anymore. You really are a great employee!”

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Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen-dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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Don’t Lose Your Head(phones) Over It

| Working | February 28, 2015

(I am a programmer, but I work on the floor with finance people. Since there’s a lot of noise in the office I work with my headphones on to drown out the noise since I don’t do anything connected with them. We’re currently in a staff meeting.)

Boss: “So, that takes care of it. Does anyone have any suggestions or complaints?”

New Coworker: “YES! I wish [My Name] to stop wearing headphones!”

Boss: “Why? He asked to use them so he can concentrate better on what he does.”

New Coworker: “It’s anti-social and I can’t communicate with him if I need him for something! It’s ruining the workflow!”

Me: “Well, if you have anything to ask you could, you know, walk up to me and tap me on the shoulder? And even then, it can’t be work related since we don’t work on anything together.”

New Coworker: “Well, I can hear his music and it’s bothering me!”

Coworker #1: “No, you can’t. I’m sitting next to him and I can’t hear anything.”

Boss: “Unless it’s bothering the whole office, I don’t intend to force the only programmer in the company to listen to all of you yelling to each other. If that’s it, we’re done.”

(Next day when I came to work I realise I forgot my thumb drive on which I keep my music. I still keep my headphones on, since they provide some noise isolation, but I’m not listening to music. Boss is passing by New Coworker’s desk when the latter practically jumps at him.)

New Coworker: “LISTEN! Can’t you hear that music of his! I can’t even concentrate on job I’m doing!”

Me: “You might want to visit a shrink, Miss [New Coworker].”


Me: “I’m not.” *I unplug the headphones from speakers on my table* “I’m not listening to music, because I forgot the drive with my music at home. If you think you’re hearing music, I would really recommend you to visit a professional.”

Boss: “[New Coworker], stop being disruptive and leave [My Name] alone. He’s not bothering you.”


Boss: “[New Coworker] -”


Coworker #1: “He’s not listening to music online, you idiot!”

New Coworker: “OH, REALLY?!”

Boss: “Yes, really, because the Internet has been down for two hours. Which also means he can’t be disrupting you since all of your work is done online. Now, why don’t you step into my office for a nice conversation about the way we should act in a workplace, okay?”

(New Coworker never bothered me about listening to music after that.)

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