Screaming For Horse Power Makes You Hoarse

| Right | November 21, 2012

(Customer #1 has come in to exchange her vehicle, as the original car had a mechanical problem. Although she is visibly frustrated, she has remained polite during the entire exchange.)

Customer #1: “If I seem b****y at all to you, I apologize. I am just so annoyed at this car!”

Me: “If there is anybody that should be apologizing, it should be us. We should have checked the car better.”

Customer #1: “Well, you are doing a wonderful job, and I just have to remind myself not to get mad at you. It is not your fault, and you are the one helping me. The last thing I want is to get upset at you in particular!”

Me: “Ma’am, even with how frustrated you are feeling, you are still one of the politest customers we have had all day.”

(As we are finishing the exchange, Customer #2 comes in being helped by my co-worker.)

Customer #2: “This is bulls***! Last time I was here, my insurance paid for a much nicer car than what you’re giving me! Why are you lying to me?”

Coworker: “Sir, I assure you, this is the car that your insurance company will cover.”

(While Customer #2 continues his swearing rant, Customer #1 talks to me.)

Customer #1: “This is why I am glad I was able to keep my cool. I feel better knowing that I didn’t end up acting like that!”

Me: “I told you. Even upset, you are one of the nicest customers we have here!”

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Refund Isn’t In The (Memory) Cards

| Right | March 23, 2013

(A customer comes in trying to return a camera with no receipt. After I tell her I will not be doing the refund, she demands a manager.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your store ruined my daughter’s graduation! This camera that your employees sold me wouldn’t work! I couldn’t take any pictures!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt we can’t refund this.”

Customer: “You are going to refund this! And the memory card too!”

Me: “Okay, tell you what: why don’t I just try to fix your camera for you? Then we’ll go from there.”

(The customer scoffs and shoves her camera at me.)

Customer: “Yeah, sure, go ahead and try. I’m telling you, you sold me a defective camera.”

(I turn the camera on. It works fine. I try to take a picture; it says it doesn’t have enough memory. I open the battery compartment to inspect the card and immediately see the problem.)

Me: “This isn’t a memory card.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! Your employees picked this card and sold it to me!”

Me: “This is an adapter, which is fine. The memory card needs to be inside of the adapter as well. Do you have something that looks like it would fit in this?”

Customer: “Oh, that little thing? I threw that away.”

(She grabs her camera and slinks away.)

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Bigotry Unleashed

, , , , , | Right | March 14, 2013

(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)

Angry Customer: “D*** f**s.”

Gay Man: “Excuse me?”

Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”

Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”

Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”

(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)

Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”

(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”

Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”

Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant? I gotta assume it’s your pet.”

(The angry customer stormed out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

 

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This One Needs The “Three Hour Tour”

, , | Right | November 26, 2007

Customer: “How long is the one hour tour?”

Me: “60 Minutes.”

Customer: “Where does the harbour tour go?”

Me: “Around the harbour.”

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Has Some Holiday Daddy Issues

, , , | Right | July 9, 2015

(The store I work at has multiple signs advertising for Father’s Day promotions, which is next week.)

Customer: “Is tomorrow Father’s Day? I don’t want to miss it.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it’s next week, but I’m not 100% sure.”

Customer: “You don’t know?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I can check for you if you’d like?”

Customer: *very snidely* “How can you not know? What, don’t you have a father?”

Me: “No. Actually, I don’t.”

(He blushed, apologized, and left quickly.)


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