Try Whoson First

| Right | March 24, 2015

Me: *on the phone with my mechanic* “Do you do body work?”

Mechanic: “I’m afraid not.”

Me: “Could you recommend someone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “Okay.” *long pause*

Me: “So, do you know anyone?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mechanic: “They’re out on Highway 24.”

Me: “Who?”

Mechanic: “Recommended?”

(We go back and forth until he finally spells it for me: Wreck-a-mended.)

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Problem Exists Between Chair and Knuckleheads

| Working | April 22, 2013

(My company has recently brought on a large number of outside consultants. They need company laptops to get onto our internal network. I’m talking to one of these consultants.)

Me: “I know you have three more people arriving later today, and we want to have their computers ready for them. If you can plug all three of those new laptops in, connect them to the network, and power them on, our computer team can get them set up remotely.”

Consultant #1: “Sure, no problem!”

(Time passes…)

Me: “Hey, guys, the computer guy says he can only see one of those laptops. Can you please make sure they’re plugged into both power and Internet, and turned on?”

Consultant #2: “Sure, we’ll do that.”

(More time passes…)

Me: “Hi, guys, can you please make sure those laptops are plugged in and turned on? Because the computer guy still isn’t seeing one of them.”

Consultant #3: “Yes, we’ll get right on that.”

(Late that afternoon…)

Computer Guy: “Hi, are you [my name]? I’m [computer guy] from tech support. I was in the area and decided to drop by and see what’s up with that one computer. I still can’t see it on the network.”

Me: “Huh, that’s funny. I asked them three times to please have it plugged in and powered on…”

(We go down the hall to the consultants’ room.)

Computer Guy: “Hi, I’m here from tech support to see about your laptop which needs to be set up?”

Consultant #4: “Oh, right. It’s one of those six over there in the corner.”

(The consultant waves his hand at a jumbled pile of laptop bags.)

Computer Guy: “…and that would be why I couldn’t see it on the network.”

(I consider it a small personal victory that I stepped out of the room before beating my head against the wall.)

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Less Social, More Security

| Right | February 6, 2012

(I am on working the register during a busy day and the line is building up fast. I have finished ringing up a customer and am gathering some information.)

Me: “And can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [zip code].”

Me: “All right, and a phone number?”

(The customer rattles off a number that sounds exactly like a social security number.)

Me: “Um, sir, that sounds like it would be your social security number.”

Customer: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You tricked me into giving you my social security number!”

Me: *speechless*

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