Great stories from our entire backlog!
(A customer sets all their items up on the counter. This includes a six-pack of beer.)
Me: “Okay, your total will be $12.12.”
(The customer hands me their food stamp card.)
Me: “I can run this through, and it’ll take most of the total off. But beer isn’t covered under this program. I apologize.”
Customer: “Excuse me, what?”
Me: “Yeah, alcohol isn’t covered under the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance program.”
Customer: “But beer is nutritional. It has wheat in it.”
My husband and I are checking in for a long-haul flight. We’re confirming the seat allocations with the check-in clerk:
Me: “And those seats are in the child-free aisle, yes?”
Clerk: “That’s right, ma’am. I can confirm those seats are in that section.”
Suddenly, we hear a shrill voice come from an older woman checking in with another clerk adjacent to us. She is carrying a baby on her shoulder.
Passenger: “The what section?”
Me: “The child-free section. It’s a section of the plane where the airline guarantees you won’t be flying near any children.”
Passenger: “What disgusting discrimination! How dare you discriminate against the God-fearing people who do their duty and have children?! I’m flying with my granddaughter and I will not be treated this way, d*** it!”
The clerk serving the old lady passenger tries to calm her down, and we finish our check-in process. We eventually board the plane, get to our blissfully child-free seats, and take off without issue.
About an hour into the flight, I notice the grandmother from earlier keeps walking over to our seats, carrying her granddaughter, and prodding her to start crying right next to us. After she does this three times, I speak up.
Me: “Look, ma’am, you’re obviously doing this on purpose because you felt offended by the airline offering this seat section. I’m sorry you feel that way, but we booked this section specifically to be away from crying babies, and you’re ruining that.”
Passenger: *Raising her voice* “It’s you that’s ruining everything! Children-haters like you have no place in this world!”
An air stewardess approaches us and asks what the issue is. I try to explain the whole situation over the lady interrupting me and her poor granddaughter crying.
Stewardess: “I think I understand. Ma’am, this airline does indeed offer this section of the plane as a child-free section. If you take offense to that, please feel free to forward a complaint to the contact information found in your booking. As for right now, crying babies are not welcome in this section of the flight—” *looks the passenger directly in her eyes* “—and I am not referring to your child.”
Grumpy Grandma stormed back to her seat, and our heroic air stewardess got a round of “thank you”s from most of the passengers in our section.
This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup!
Read the next Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup story!
(I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)
Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”
Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”
Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”
Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”
Customer: “And this?”
Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”
Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”
Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”
Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”
Did you find this story using our World Milk Day roundup?
(Usually, it’s pretty slow but one day a patron is very irate and storms over to me.)
Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”
Patron: “You need to change your doors!”
Me: *slightly confused* “Excuse me?”
Patron: “Your doors are on the wrong side. This is f***ing America! We do everything to the right! You god-d*** door entrances are on the left. I demand you fix them!”
Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that you stop using that type of language and keep your voice down. I’m sorry you have such a problem with the position of our doors. I can fill out a maintenance request but I don’t think there is much they will be willing to do since they isn’t actually anything physically wrong with the doors.”
Patron: “Listen here! I’m the Dean of this library! I demand you fix those doors right now! This is America, not f***ing England! ”
Me: “Sir, I am asking you again to lower your voice and not speak to me that way. If I have to ask you again I will be asking you to leave. And sir, that’s pretty amazing surgery if you’re in fact the dean.”
Patron: “What the h*** are you talking about?”
Me: “Well, sir, you’re a Caucasian, mid-twenties male. Our Dean, at least as of this morning when she came in, was an African American, middle-aged woman.”
(He stormed out of the library as security quickly followed him. He was banned from the library and I never did put in that maintenance request!)
(We use walkie-talkies to communicate at the store where I work. I’m known for my sarcastic comments, but one of my managers just doesn’t get it.)
Manager: *over the walkie* “Hey, [My Name], do you have a walkie?”
Me: *over walkie* “No.”
(A few seconds later, I hear the store’s PA system come on.)
Manager: *over PA* “[My Name], please come to customer service. [My Name] to customer service.”
