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The Rains Of Custamere

| Right | June 28, 2014

(I am discussing with a coworker the Red Wedding episode of ‘Game Of Thrones.’ We go all detailed and compare every action with the books. Suddenly, we hear a sobbing noise behind us. Turning around, we see that a young customer is standing behind us. She’s close to tears.)

Customer: “Godd*** spoilers!”

(The customer runs out of the store.)

Coworker: “Well, you ruined her life. That’s the curse of being a bookstore employee.”


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I Bet His Computer Has A “Cup Holder” Too

, | Right | February 5, 2008

(This is from a few years ago, when I worked tech support for a major satellite TV company.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Is your satellite down?”

Me: “No sir, the satellite is working properly.”

Customer: “Are you sure? Because I’m not getting ANYTHING on my TV.”

Me: “Well, let’s try and get this solved for you. What do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “It’s black.”

Me: “There’s nothing at all on the screen?”

Customer: “I told you, it’s completely black!”

Me: “Is… is there a message of any kind?”

Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘searching for satellite signal’. That’s how I know your satellite is down. You need to connect me to a different one.”

Me: “Well, sir, just in case it’s possibly something else and not the satellite, could you tell me who installed your equipment? Did you pay for an installer or did you do it yourself?”

Customer: “I did it myself! I’m not an idiot. I took the box out of the package and connected it to my TV and DVD player and stereo just fine. I know how to connect a few wires…”

Me: “Okay, maybe there’s something blocking the dish, like a tree or perhaps a neighbors house. Where did you mount the dish?”

Customer: “Dish? The bowl thing? It’s still in the box. Look, just connect me to your other satellite already!”

Me: “…”

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Some People Have Extra Large Baggage At Christmas

| Right | December 21, 2014

(A mother is buying a BB gun for her son for Christmas.)

Customer: “Do you have a really large bag that will cover this whole box?”

Me: “No. These are the largest bags I have, but I could put one on each end and only a little would be showing.”

Customer: “THANKS a lot! You are ruining my son’s Christmas! It’s ruined now! He is in the car and you can’t even get me a large bag!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. These are the only bags the stores orders. I can try to cover it the best I can. But maybe next time don’t shop with your son in the car.”

Customer: “You ruined his Christmas, I hope you can live with that!”

(She then walked away with no bag… and guess what, I’m still living.)

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Should Be A Claus In The Contract

| Working | December 25, 2013

(My boss is always working on little advertising schemes. Her latest appears to be a ‘dinner with Santa’ deal. However, she neglects to tell anyone who is going to be working that day. I find out on a Friday, a little more than a week before it’s scheduled to happen, by seeing a flyer on the door. I realize that it’s a day that I usually waitress alone. After asking several coworkers and realizing none of them know any more about it than I do, I make it a point to ask my boss for more details. I’m mostly curious to know who she’s asking to waitress with me. I assume it’ll be busy and we’ll need the help.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss]. Who’s working with me on that ‘dinner with Santa’ deal?”

Boss: “Who normally buses with you?”

Me: “Well, [Coworker]. But, I meant, who’s waitressing with me?”

Boss: “Do you think we’ll need a second waitress?”

Me: “Do you think we’ll be busy?

Boss: “I hope we’ll be busy! I sent out a ton of flyers!”

Me: “…”

Boss: “Maybe we need a second waitress for that night…”

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Pest Control Out Of Control

| Right | November 26, 2014

(I work at a local pharmacy.)

Customer: “I need to buy some Raid.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go look at the display.”

(We walked to the display, and I began showing her various items.)

Me: “Here’s something for ants—”

Customer: “No, I don’t need that.”

Me: “Okay. Um, here’s something for roaches.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have roaches.”

Me: “Do you have hornets or wasps or something?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Ma’am, can you tell me a little more about what, exactly, you need the Raid for?”

Customer: “My son has lice.”

Me: “Oh! Oh, God. No, ma’am, you don’t want Raid. You want Rid. Please don’t spray Raid on your son’s head!”

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