Great stories from our entire backlog!

The Vacation Of A Lifetime, Slightly Exaggerated

, , , | Right | July 31, 2009

(I check in cruise-line passengers before they board the ship; our port building is clearly on the ground, right off the street.)

Coworker: “These are your key cards – they’ll get you onto the ship, and then into your room, and also–”

Woman: “You mean we’re not on the ship now?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Woman: “Oh, good, because they sent me pictures and this doesn’t measure up!”

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I Gotta Ticket To Hide

| Right | November 11, 2013

(I enter a movie theater when there is only one other customer at the counter.)

Customer: “Hey, can I get a ticket to Insidious 2?”

Cashier: “That’s [price].”

Customer: “Okay.” *looks in purse* “I have three quarters.”

Cashier: “Sorry, can’t allow you.”

Customer: “No! You said I could go in; you WILL let me!”

Cashier: “No, you don’t have enough; I wasn’t to know.”

Customer: “You’ll sell me that ticket!”

Cashier: “I can’t; it’s against policy.”

(The customer walks outside.)

Me: “I’d like a ticket to Justin and the Knights of Valor.”

Cashier: “Sure.”

(I pay and go to the ticket inspector. Before I know what has happened, the customer has run back in, snatches my ticket, rushes past the ticket inspector and runs towards the ‘Insidious’ theater. The ticket inspector and I run after and enter the theater, where commercials are still playing.)

Me: “Hey! That was my ticket!”

Ticket Inspector: “Give him back his ticket, please.”

Customer: “No! His ticket wasn’t ripped!” *shows ticket* “This one is.”

Ticket Inspector: “That’s because you STOLE his ticket. Give it back.”

Customer: “Piss off!”

Ticket Inspector: “Give it back or I’m getting security.”

Other Moviegoer: “Just give the d*** thing back!”

(Others in the theater are agreeing.)

Customer: “No. It’s mine, and you can’t prove it’s yours. You’re just a silly little boy and you think you can get what you want.”

Ticket Inspector: *on radio* “Could security please come to screen three?”

(At this point, the customer begins eating the ticket. The inspector tries ripping it from her hands, but she has already eaten most of it.)

Customer: “Can’t prove it now!”

(Security came and took her away. The ticket inspector apologized for her behavior and gave me my money back.)

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Ethnically Ethical

, | Right | January 11, 2012

(An older lady is asking me for help with her shopping list.)

Customer: “Sir, do you…well, I don’t really know if I can say this out loud, but do you have this video game?”

(The customer points at her list to the game title, “Ethnic Mickey”, which doesn’t exist. We sell “Epic Mickey”.)

Me: “Um, ma’am…we have Epic Mickey, if that helps.”

Customer: “Oh, my goodness. Here I was, worried about the title and if it was appropriate. We spoke over the phone, so I guess I misheard.”

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Can’t Take The Heat Of A Melting Pot

, , , | Right | August 24, 2010

Coworker: “Hello, sir. Are you looking for something?”

Customer: “I refuse to be helped by you. You’re Chinese. You’re another one of these darn immigrants stealing the honest Canadians’ jobs!”

Coworker: “Well, my grandmother is from Japan, but I assure you I was born in the province of Quebec.”

Customer: “Lies, lies, and lies!” *spots me* “Finally, a prime example of our good Canadian youth. Young sir, can you help me, please?”

Me: *in my New Brunswick accent* “Sure I can. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What kind of accent is this? Are you German? Or Russian? Get me the manager! I don’t understand how a sane person could hire these instead of a hard-working Canadian!”

Me: *grabbing the phone* “Calling Maria to front desk.”

Customer: “Maria?! That’s Latino!”

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Living On The Edge, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 10, 2008

Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”

Customer: “Anywhere?”

Me: “Anywhere.”

Customer: “But there’s no line!”

Me: “That’s right; the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”

Customer: “Anywhere?”

Me: “Anywhere.”

Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”

Me: *facepalm*

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