Acting Like A Total Wallaby

| Right | February 19, 2013

(My husband and I are visiting an amazing zoo in Belgium that was built on the site of an old estate. In addition to being beautiful, the zoo is relatively open and interactive: you can get up close and personal with many of the animals where safety allows. My husband and I, from the States, are marvelling at the small ditches or rows of bushes where fences and walls would normally be.)

Me: “This is incredible! They don’t have anything like this back home!”

My Husband: “Yeah, but you know why, right? Some idiot would see one of the exhibits and immediately think, ‘Dude, I can totally jump that ditch and play with the animals’. Maybe they just have more sense than that here.”

(Later, I am asking an employee about feeding times and mention what my husband had said.)

Employee: “Oh, no. We have people like that here, too. Mostly children, but they don’t do much harm. The worst is when it’s an adult. We had a fellow who got drunk and jumped into the kangaroo exhibit and began harassing the animals.”

Me: “Jeez, what happened?”

Employee: “Well, our dominant male took offense to him bothering his consort, so he pinned him down and kicked him.”

Me: “Holy cow! What did you do?”

Employee: “We let him.”

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Stop And Stair, Part 3

| Right | November 7, 2011

Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”

 

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Got A Bad Deal(ership)

| Right | January 9, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Woman: “I just got off the phone with the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card. You need to try running it again!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, who was your salesmen?”

Woman: “What salesmen? I don’t know! Just try running my card again!”

Me: “Ma’am, who were you working with?”

Woman: “I was taking to the two ladies at the front desk.”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to transfer you to them because I’m in a different building and am unaware of the situation.”

Woman: “I don’t want to talk to them! They were rude and I could barely understand them! Can’t you just take my order?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without knowing who your salesmen is or what your customer is, I don’t have a way of looking up your information.”

Woman: “What is wrong with you?! I don’t have a salesmen! I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I just want to order my f****** pizza or is that too hard for you?!”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Woman: “I called the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card! So you need to take my order again!”

Me: “…ma’am?”

Woman: “I don’t see why you can’t just take my d*** order over the phone. This isn’t that hard!”

Me: “…ma’am!”

Woman: “What?!”

Me: “This is a car dealership.”

Woman: “…what? Well, why the h*** didn’t you say that when you answered the phone?!”

Me: “You mean like when I said ‘thank you for calling [Dealership]’…?”

Woman: *click*

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Phoning In The Irony

| Right | March 20, 2015

(My aunt is teaching me how to do dispatch at the gas station she owns, for whenever they’re busy. I’m too young to sell any cigarettes to a customer and someone else has to do it. If she’s busy or needs to help a mechanic she lets me run the front as long as I don’t sell any cigarettes, so I need to call for help on that a lot. A woman and her young girl walk in the store. The woman is on her phone playing a popular game.)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Guess what I learned at school today?!”

Woman: “Huh? Oh, yeah that’s great, [Little Girl].” *continues to play on phone*

Little Girl: “Mommy! I asked you to guess! It’s really fun; I promise!”

Woman: “Be QUIET! I’m busy! You can go pick up a piece a candy or something. I’m gonna pay for gas.”

Little Girl: “Okay!” *heads off, happy again, to get candy*

Woman: *walks up to our counter* “I need $20 on pump four, please.” *taps on phone*

Me: “All right, I’ll—” *I get a phone call from my aunt saying she won’t be back for a while and that I should call a coworker to help me with any cigarette sales* “—Okay, I’ll call her right away. Thank you.” *click*

Woman: *has put her phone away* “I find it very rude that you would talk on your cellphone while dealing with a customer! You young people must have those d*** things glued to your hands or something. You won’t even take the time to do your job!”

Little Girl: “Mommy, I got a [Candy Bar].”

Woman: “Yeah, okay.”

Me: “I’ll… just ring those up for you. That’ll be [total]. Have a nice day.”

Woman: *back to her game* “Huh? Oh, yeah. You, too. Come on, [Little Girl].”

(Honestly there have been dumber customers, but this really got on my nerves.)

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There Is No Spoon

, , , | Right | April 16, 2008

(I am called back by the pharmacist to assist with a verbally abusive customer. The more the lady yells, the louder her kid cries. None of the other customers in line behind her can get to the register. )

Me: “How may I help you?”

Lady: “It’s about time you got back here to straighten this out! This s***-head won’t give me a medicine spoon!”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, I’ve tried to explain that we are all out of the complimentary spoons.”

Lady: “If my daughter ends up getting an overdose of her medicine, I’m going to sue you!”

(I roll my eyes and walk over to a display of dosing spoons, selecting one we sell for 99 cents.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry we don’t have any of the free ones. Let me buy this one for you.”

Lady: “What? Do I look like a welfare mother to you? I don’t need your f****** charity!”

Pharmacist: “You don’t need the spoon either. Those are chewable tablets.”

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