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Great stories from our entire backlog!

For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 3

| Right | January 17, 2014

Me: “Customer service. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Is this [Hardware Store]?”

(I’m slightly confused, as to call the store you have to go through a menu and press certain numbers to actually get customer service, so it should be very clear that we are [Hardware Store].)

Me: “Yes, Ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, your automatic thingy didn’t say so!”

Me: “Oh, um… okay. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes! I was really surprised to hear you’re closed on Thanksgiving!”

Me: “Yes, Ma’am. We’re very happy to spend the day with our families.”

Customer: “Your families? So you’re closed? What if MY family needs to buy something? Your family isn’t more important than mine! When you work in a store you should know you can’t have a family!”

Me: “Ma’am, what exactly would you have to buy from [Hardware Store] on Thanksgiving Day?”

Customer: “Well… well, I don’t know, but you should be open anyway! Just in case!”

This Deal Is A Steal

, , , , | Right | February 18, 2011

(I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them downtown and I know of one that has a three-for-two special offer on t-shirts.”

Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a three-for-two offer is?”

Me: “Sure, it means that you get three t-shirts for the price of two.”

Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the third one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the States?”

Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the third shirt. It just means that you choose three t-shirts and pay for two and then get the third as a free gift, sort of.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “You choose three t-shirts, and as the salesperson scans them into the register you get a 100% discount on the third t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other two.”

Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

Reach For The Stars, Just Not Mine

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m out picking a few things up at the local supermarket when I begin to hear a woman ranting loudly at an employee. After about a minute of yelling, I go to investigate.)

Customer: “You’re going straight to Hell for wearing that kind of thing! Satanist! SATANIST!”

(The employee looks to be about 16, and is stocking some shelves. Her protests go unheard, but she is soldiering on, even though I can tell she is about to cry.)

Customer: “It’s witch-scum like you who are calling the devil into our city. You make me sick, wearing a pentagram! Devil w****! DEVIL W****!”

Employee: “Ma’am, for the last—”

(She is cut off by another burst of ranting. I start to walk over. The employee turns to me and I see that her necklace is not, in fact, a pentagram at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is enough. Leave this poor girl alone. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Customer: *sneering* “And what are you? Her witch-lord? Going to cast a spell on a good Christian woman like me? DEMONSPAWN!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a ‘witch-lord.’ I’m someone who can tell the difference between a pentagram and a STAR OF DAVID, which you, apparently, cannot!”

(The customer went white as a sheet and reexamined the necklace. She left, running. The employee was still near tears, but kept it together.)

Tearing A Rent In The Truth

, , | Right | October 4, 2013

(Rent is due on the 1st of each month, and late after the 5th. After the 5th, a late fee applies. Today is the 6th.)

Tenant: “Here’s my rent. I was going to drop my money order in the drop slot last night but I got tied up late at work and was too tired to drive over. I’m sorry. Can you waive the late fee?”

Me: “Well, let me see. Hmm, the date the money order was printed on was today, the 6th. So you just lied to my face.”

Tenant: *completely unashamed* “Ha ha. Well… yeah. You know.”

Me: “No, I don’t know.” *hands back rent* “Please come back when you have the additional late fee.”

Tenant: “That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s the lying that’s wrong here.”

Tenant: *slams door and leaves in indignant huff* “I’m going to call your boss and have you fired. Oooh, and you’re racist!”

Going To Jail For Taxi Fraud

| Right | July 5, 2016

(I drive a young, male customer about 11 miles from one town to another, running his fare just a little under $30. We arrive to his home and he gives me his debit card, and I slide it through a device attached to my phone. It gets declined.)

Me: “Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, that’s all I have! I don’t understand; I have over $1,000 in my account!”

Me: “Let me input the information manually. Maybe it will work that way.” *it gets declined once again* “Sorry, it’s not taking it. I can take you to your bank and you can see what’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that! I don’t understand; there’s money in my account!”

Me: “I need payment from you. I cannot let this slide.”

Customer: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Me: “I can run you to your bank quickly so we can get this straightened out.”

Customer: “I told you, I don’t have time for that!”

Me: “Look, you either have time to go to the bank, or you have time to deal with the police, because this is theft of services.”

(He quickly found a way to pay me after that!)