Found The ID But Lost The Plot

| Right | October 24, 2014

(In college, I work at the bookstore. Students can use their ID cards to make purchases, and the charges would go on their bill with tuition, room and board, etc. If a student attempted to make a purchase with an ID that had been replaced, I would see an error message, and the student would need to use a different method of payment. This happens as I am finishing a transaction.)

Me: “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”

Student: *hands me ID card*

Me: *gets error message that the ID has been lost/stolen* “I’m sorry, but your ID card has been replaced. I need your new ID to process the sale.”

Student: “No, no, no. This is the new ID. I just got it yesterday.”

Me: “This can’t be the new ID because I’m getting an error message that this card has been reported lost or stolen. That message only comes up after you’ve replaced an ID.”

Student: *puts both hands on counter and leans in* “Do you meant to tell me that I somehow managed to lose my original ID, get it replaced, lose the new ID, and then find my old ID without noticing?!”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Student: *agitated* “How is that even possible?!” *storms out*

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Yes, Boarded Up Windows Will Send The Right Message

| Right | April 2, 2009

(Our store was recently renovated with big glass front windows.)

Customer: “Wow, they renovated.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Aren’t you afraid someone might come and shoot out the windows?”

Me: “No, actually, it hadn’t really crossed my mind.”

Customer: “Well, you should be concerned!”

Me: “I’m not. I can’t say I’ve worried over that.”

Customer: “Well, this IS downtown. These things happen! You should be worried!”

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An Idea Whose Time Has Come And Saigon

| Learning | July 7, 2013

(We are assigning topics for a project where we will be working in groups. One topic is the Vietnam War. Two students in our class are out because they were suspended for fighting with each other.)

Teacher: “Looks like we have the groups all assigned, now. So get to work.”

Student #1: “[Suspended Student #1] and [Suspended Student #2] are not here, but they need to be in a group.”

Teacher: “That’s true. Who wants one of them in their group?”

Student #2: “They can work together.”

Teacher: “I think that’s a really bad idea.”

Student #3: “No. it isn’t. They can do the Vietnam War project and reenact it for us.”

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My Cup Runneth Over With Confusion

| Right | July 27, 2009

Customer: “I’d like three vanilla soft serve, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Would you like that in a cup or a cone?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “One is in a cup, and one is in a cone.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll have them in cups.”

(I make the soft serve, put them in cups and hand them to the customer.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. They’re in plastic cups.”

Me: “I thought you said you wanted them in cups.”

Customer: “By cup, I thought you meant, like… a cup cone. Some kind of cone in the shape of a cup!”

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That’ll Be One Rippled Rear

| Right | June 22, 2012

(A woman walks into the video section of the department store.)

Customer: “I’ve been looking all over this d*** store, and I can’t find the new Buns of Abs workout video!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll try to find it for you. Were you looking for Buns of Steel or Abs of Steel?”

Customer: “It’s called BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! Don’t you think I know what I’m talking about?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, but it looks like we only have Buns of Steel and Abs of Steel at this moment. Would you like either of these two?”

Customer: “No, I want Buns of Abs!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m afraid we simply don’t have your video in stock. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?”

(The customer lumbers off, grumbling. Thankfully, at the insistence of her daughter, she came back two minutes later to purchase Abs of Steel and Buns of Steel.)

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