Unsocial Studies, Part 2

| Learning | February 27, 2014

(My social studies class has just had a few seats switched around. My seat partner and I trade seats. She knows the other person I now sit next to, and I don’t like sitting between two people, which I now do. There are three single desks in the back. Due to the new arrangement one is open.)

Teacher: “Any questions?” *seat partner raises hand* “Yes?”

Seat Partner: “Can [Name] and I switch seats?”

Teacher: “Why?”

Seat Partner: “I don’t know.”

Teacher: “That’s not a good reason!”

(I raise my hand.)

Teacher: “Yes?”

Me: “Can I move to the empty seat in the back?”

Teacher: “Why?”

Me: “I just don’t like people in general.”

(He let me move!)


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Be Thankful You Have A Job At All

| Right | November 24, 2011

(I work for a utilities company in collections, meaning I get people who are being shut off, or have been shut off. Our policy is to send several notices, and then shut off an account if no satisfactory arrangements are made. Where we give them a date, we can shut off the account with no one there, provided the meter is outside.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [utility company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m holding a shut off notice here dated for November 10th. When will my services be shut off for non-payment?”

Me: “As of November 10th, it is subject to termination.”

Customer: “Oh. Do I have to be there? I’m going on vacation.”

Me: “No, you don’t need to be there.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I get a hold on the account? I don’t have any money.”

Me: “Well, is there a medical condition pertaining to the services?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “How about an infant or an elderly person?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how about a financial hardship?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, are you unemployed, or was there a loss of income?”

Customer: “Oh, no, nothing like that! I spent all my money on my vacation!”

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Reaching New (Faren)Heights Of Stupidity

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2010

(I overhear a tourist couple at breakfast one table over.)

Customer: “Every day! This coffee is never hot enough.”

Customer’s Husband: “You’re just gonna have to get used to that. In these countries that use the Celsius scale, they boil their water at only 100 degrees.”

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Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

, , | Right | November 19, 2007

Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”

(After the previews, he returns.)

Customer: “I want my money back!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there. It’s a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, cars?”

Customer: “NASCAR! I wanted to see Mad about NASCAR!!”

Me: “Let me get the manager…”

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The Bank Isn’t Quite On The Money

| Working | December 18, 2013

(I tend to check my bank balance frequently. One day I see that I have a $10,000 deposit to my account! It is clearly a mistake. I call the bank.)

Bank: “Yes, I can see the deposit. It’s been made in the bank with a handwritten deposit slip. The person must have written down the wrong account number.”

Me: “But I have an ‘ATM only’ bank account. I haven’t been inside the bank. I couldn’t have made that mistake.”

Bank: “Leave it with me. I will straighten it out.”

(When I got my bank statement, I see that they had charged me $3 for making a ‘non-ATM’ deposit! That’s the ‘thanks’ I got for returning the $10,000!)

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