Dummy Request

| Right | December 31, 2010

(We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

Me: “Hello sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

Me: “Well those are just dummy phones.”

Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

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An Out-Of-Order Order

| Right | May 7, 2014

(I work in a small deli in a small town. When we get busy we run two slicers (by hand). During an extremely busy morning shift, we spend a few minutes frantically slicing meat and cheese. We’d just finished the last order when a customer comes up to the counter and starts digging through the stacked orders.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Customer: “A half pound of cheddar cheese.”

(I look through the orders and then turn to ask the other employee if we’ve missed the customer’s order in the rush. The customer stops me.)

Customer: “Oh, I haven’t ordered yet.”

(I smile and grabbed my deli pad to take his order as he continues.)

Customer: “I was just going to take someone else’s order.”

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The Rains Of Custamere

| Right | June 28, 2014

(I am discussing with a coworker the Red Wedding episode of ‘Game Of Thrones.’ We go all detailed and compare every action with the books. Suddenly, we hear a sobbing noise behind us. Turning around, we see that a young customer is standing behind us. She’s close to tears.)

Customer: “Godd*** spoilers!”

(The customer runs out of the store.)

Coworker: “Well, you ruined her life. That’s the curse of being a bookstore employee.”

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Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

| Right | June 10, 2013

(I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

(I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”

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How To Foil A Bad Manager

| Working | August 25, 2013

(We are at a low-price pizza place. Two of my friends are drinking milkshakes, when one of them starts to spit out tin foil. The other friend also finds some and calls the waitress over.)

Waitress: “What can I do for you?”

Friend: “Yeah, my friend and I here found tin foil in our drinks.”

Waitress: “What?”

Friend: “Look, this is the little pile of tin foil she’s made from inside her drink.”

Waitress: “Hold on, I’ll go get the manager.”

(The manager comes over.)

Manager: “So, what’s wrong?”

Friend: “Yeah, we’ve got tin foil in our drinks. Look.”

Manager: “Oh. Yes. Well, don’t worry; that’s just from the lids.”

Friend: “Wait, what?”

Manager: “Yeah, well, the milkshakes have tin foil lids and I guess they fell in.”

(We wait expectantly.)

Friend: “Okay, but it’s not meant to be in there, is it?”

Manager: “It won’t harm you!”

Me: “That’s quite a pile that my friend has made.”

Manager: “It’s just a bit of tin foil!” *sighs* “Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

Friend: “Could we have some new drinks? Without tin foil?”

Manager: “If you must…”

(He grudgingly brings them new drinks. Later, we get the bill.)

Me: “Wouldn’t it be funny if they tried to charge you for the milkshakes and your new drinks?”

Friend: “…they have.”

Me: “You’re kidding.”

Friend: “No, take a look. This is absurd! I’m not paying this.”

(We call the manager over.)

Friend: “You’ve charged us for milkshakes and the two new drinks.”

Manager: “Yeah, well, you ordered them.”

Friend: “No, we asked for replacements because you served us drinks with tin foil in them. You can’t seriously expect us to pay for both.”

Manager: “Alright, alright, fine! Give me the receipt!”

(He takes it away and brings back a new version, making it clear that he wants us to leave. My friend keeps the receipt, as it appears that this restaurant actually has a button specifically for tin foil in drink reductions. We never go back.)

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