Simple Coke For Simple Folk

, , | Right | August 8, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your blackcurrant tea?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just blackcurrant tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Dried blackcurrant tea leaves.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a blackcurrant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

(My boss comes over.)

Boss: “Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”

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Tasting Their Own Medicine

| Working | March 4, 2014

(I work in the hospital pharmacy. A nurse in the pre-op area calls.)

Nurse: “I need [an antibiotic] for [Patient] before he goes to surgery.”

Me: “I’ll send it right up.”

(I hang up the phone, walk five feet to the refrigerator, get the med, label it, and send it up in the pneumatic tube system. 10 minutes later, I get a call from the same nurse.)

Nurse: “Did you send the [antibiotic]?”

Me: “Yes, 10 minutes ago.”

Nurse: “Well it never got here. The surgeon is waiting! Send it again!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I reprint a label and send it in the pneumatic tube again. Another 10 minutes go by, and I get another phone call from the same nurse.)

Nurse: “Where the h*** is the [antibiotic]?! How long does it take you people?! The surgeon is waiting!”

Me: “I’ve sent it twice! There are no errors with the tube system. Are you sure it isn’t there?”

Nurse: “Yes! Now send me the d*** [antibiotic] right now!”

(I send another dose. Five minutes later…)

Nurse: “Seriously, how long are you going to take?!”

Me: “I sent a third dose as soon as I hung up! The tube station is still set to your location, A-5!”

Nurse: “A-5? We’re G-22!”

Me: “G-22? Are you at [Hospital]?”

Nurse: “Yes…”

Me: “You’re calling [Sister Hospital Across Town].”

Nurse: *click*

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Enough To Make Your Mascara Run

| Right | November 22, 2012

(I work at a cosmetics counter at a department store. I notice a customer checking out the mascara display.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you find a mascara today?”

Customer: “Yes, I don’t remember what type of mascara I use, but I need two in black and two in brown.”

Me: “Okay, how about we take a look at the mascara displayed here? Do any of the names or tubes looks familiar?”

Customer: “No, I don’t know what it looks like. I know what the package looks like. Can I just look at in the box?”

Me: “Ma’am, all of the packaging is identical.”

Customer: “I’ll know the package when I see it! I just need it in black and brown!”

Me: “Alright, let me go check around in the drawer for you.”

(After several minutes of searching in the drawer to figure out what type of mascara she is looking for, the customer approaches me, holding out two used tubes of mascara.)

Customer: “I have the mascara that I use in my purse. Would that help you find it easier?”

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Bitter About The Caramel

| Right | October 27, 2015

(I work for a well-known coffee chain, and we have our fair share of crazy customers. One morning, a customer storms up to the counter where a relatively new coworker is running the register.)

Customer: “This is wrong! Remake this immediately!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that. Can you help me understand what you did want? I see here that we made you a white mocha with caramel.”

Customer: “I came through the drive through and I said I wanted caramel! You didn’t give me f****** caramel!”

Coworker: “I can fix that for you. Would you prefer caramel drizzle or the syrup?”

Customer: “I want caramel!” *she then thrusts the cup at my coworker, sending it skidding across the counter top* “There’s no caramel in my cup!”

Coworker: *opens the cup* “Oh, they put drizzle on here, instead of the syrup. I got you. Just a moment.”

Customer: “If you weren’t so f****** stupid and could do your f****** job right the first f****** time, I wouldn’t have to come back for such a stupid f****** reason!”

(At this point, I’m about to step in despite being tied up at the window, but my coworker bursts into tears and starts sniffling.)

Coworker: “I am genuinely sorry about this. Please, let me fix this for you. It won’t take but a minute—” *she goes to remake the drink, with the customer oddly quiet and hovering at the hand off* “—Here, please, taste this. I want you to be happy with your beverage.”

Customer: *takes the drink, takes a sip, shoves something into my coworker’s hand, and all but runs out the door*

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: *turns to me, her eyes super red, sniffs once, and wrinkles her nose* “My allergies are wreaking havoc on my sinuses and eyes. Can I go take some medicine?”

Me: “You’re sure you’re fine?”

Coworker: *straight out grins* “Absolutely. I got us a five dollar tip! AND I gave her decaf!”

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Can’t Get A Number In Edgewise

| Right | September 28, 2012

Me: “…Okay, well, if you need anything else, you can call us back. Would you like the number?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. Are you ready?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wonderful. It’s 1—”

Caller: “What’s the number?”

Me: “It’s 1-8—”

Caller: “What’s the number?”

Me: “It’s 1—”

Caller: “1, yes, you said that! Hello?! What is the rest?! What is with this service?!”

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