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Great stories from our entire backlog!

Won’t Miss This Misogynist

| Right | November 5, 2015

(The customer calls in because he has no signal on his TV. After verifying simple things, such as ‘is the cable box turned on,’ the customer randomly turns nasty.)

Me: “Okay, sir, can you just press input on your remote for me?”

Caller: “I’M NOT A DUMMY!”

Me: “Nobody assumed that, sir. I just need you to press input so we can get to video.”

Caller: “NO, WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?! THIS IS A JOKE! WHAT DO I DO?”

Me: “Sir, press input and then we sel—”

Caller: “NO! F*** YOU! YOU PUT ME ON TO A MAN RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE S**T!”

Me: “I can’t transfer you back to the queue and that’s exceptionally sexist.”

Caller: “WELL, I AM F****** SEXIST! NOW PUT ME ONTO A MAN, YOU DIRTY S**T.  I’M NO F****** DUMMY!”

Me: “Your wife must be a very lucky woman and I don’t have to take this abuse; I am terminating this call.”

Kindness In Bloom

| Right | December 25, 2015

(I am standing behind a little old lady in line while holding a bouquet of tulips. In front of the old lady is a mother with her child and the mother seems to be having trouble. I haven’t really been paying attention to it.)

Old Lady: “Those tulips are very pretty. May I ask who they are for?”

Me: “They are for my mother. Her favorite flowers are tulips. Today is my parents’ anniversary and my dad couldn’t get off work today.”

Old Lady: “That is so sweet of you. Since you only have those flowers and I have a ton of groceries, how about you get in front of me so you can go surprise your mother faster.”

Me: “Thank you so much.”

(I was really happy I got to leave earlier and I smile at the old lady. Then I realize what’s going on with the lady in front of me: her card isn’t working and she has about $300 worth of groceries bagged. She’s crying and yelling loudly at the cashier.)

Lady: “I just got this card and they told me it would work; I really need these groceries today!”

Cashier: “I am sorry; is there something else you can pay with?”

Lady: “No, not at the moment! I’ll just leave.” *starts to grab her purse when the little old lady behind me walks in front of me*

Old Lady: “How much was everything she is wanting?”

Cashier: “It’s about $300.”

Old Lady: *looks at the lady who is crying* “Just think of this as an extremely early Christmas present.”

(The old lady then swipes her card and pays for the lady’s groceries. The lady breaks down in tears.)

Lady: “I’m so sorry for all of this. Is there anything I can do for you? I’m so sorry. I just got off of work and I’m pregnant and times are not being so good to me.”

Old Lady: *smiles at her* “The only thing I ask of is that you smile and know things will work out eventually.”

(I then broke down crying. As I was leaving I handed the old lady a tulip from the bouquet I had bought and smiled at her.)

Old Lady: “Thank you very much, dear.”

Me: “I wanted to thank you for being the kind soul that you are.”

Old Lady: “You are a very kind person; don’t ever lose that.”

Me:You are the kind person. Would you like any help with your groceries?”

Old Lady: “Um, yes, please; I don’t think I could manage by myself very well.”

(I helped her with her groceries and went home. I gave my mom her tulips and told her the story, and we both started crying.)

Doesn’t Know Their Rights

| Right | February 12, 2014

(I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

(We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

(I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!'”

Just Run(s) With It

| Working | November 4, 2013

(It is a particularly slow day in the office. I am trying to write an email to an academic when I have difficulty spelling a word.)

Me: “D*** it! I can’t spell ‘regularly.’ I don’t know why; I just can’t.”

Coworker #1: “What about ‘unfortunately?'”

Me: “Nah, I can spell that. It’s just ‘regularly.'”

Coworker #2: “Everyone has that one word. ‘Specifically’ always gets me.”

Me: *as my director walks past* “Well, I think everyone has ‘diarrhea.'”

Director: *concerned* “What?”

French Disconnection

| Right | June 20, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

Customer:John Dark.”

(I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

(At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

(I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

(I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

(A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.'”

Customer: “BUT MY SON DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH!”