Pogo Bounce Out Of That Marriage

, , , , , , , , | Related | October 25, 2017

I’m the lead singer in a metal band that does both original songs and covers. When my brother got engaged, his bridezilla fiancée asked my band to perform at the wedding. At some point she realized that they were going over budget, so her solution to cut back on costs was to tell us at the very last minute that she expected us to work for free because I was family and therefore “obligated,” even though we had already agreed to work at a discount because we were playing for a family event. I was furious, and the only reason we didn’t cancel was because it would have been too late for them to find a replacement and I love my brother and didn’t want to ruin his wedding.

Between her refusal to pay us, her constant treating of my brother and our family members like crap, her refusal to make me a bridesmaid solely on the grounds that I wasn’t “pretty enough”, meaning I’m tomboyish, and several underhanded insults she levied at one of my bandmates for being a transman, we were all very displeased with her come the morning of the wedding. She was either oblivious to our displeasure, or she just didn’t care.

While we were setting up, an hour before we were supposed to play, the bride came up to us, stood in our way, and suddenly announced that she didn’t like our chosen set because it wasn’t “romantic enough,” even though she and my brother both approved of it in advance. She was apparently under the impression that musicians can learn songs on the fly without practice or having ever performed them before, and asked us to play the Celine Dion song from Titanic, to which our drummer replied, “You realize we’re a f****** metal band, right?”

Our bass guitarist suddenly had a light-bulb moment and told her that he knew a love song we could play for her. She got excited and told us to play that one first. When she walked away and he told us what song he had in mind, we all agreed it was a great idea.

When it came time for our set to start, we opened up with a cover of “Bounce” by System of a Down, which is technically a love song. I don’t think I ever saw my brother’s fiancée run so fast, in heels, and my brother was dying of laughter.

After the wedding, we found out my brother didn’t even know that she had decided not to pay us, and he made sure we got paid, even though his new wife insisted that we didn’t even deserve it for ruining her wedding with our stunt.

They got divorced just two months later, because it turns out that when you marry someone who’s controlling and abusive, they don’t stop being controlling and abusive. No one was really surprised at the divorce, and my brother cited our spontaneous song choice as his only good memory of the wedding, anyway.

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