Please Retire, Please Retire, Please Retire…

I get a job as a graphic designer right out of college at a small studio. My coworkers are great, but our boss is… difficult.

Unfortunately, he is going through a nasty divorce and often stays overnight in the office. He walks around brushing his teeth, making comments about his ex-wife, and saying sexist things.

Boss: “I wish I could find a woman like [Office Dog] who would follow me around while I fed her treats out of my pocket.”

He starts a required “happy hour” at 4:00 pm on Fridays and tries to get everyone in the office to drink with him while he tells us all about how wasted he used to get in college. None of us drink because we all have to drive home.

He is totally fine with the director’s small, loud office dog biting clients but won’t let me bring in my dog because she is “too big.” She’s a greyhound, fifty-five pounds max, sleeps all day, doesn’t jump or bark, and never bites.

He screamed at me once for a Korean typo; I do not speak Korean nor did I ever tell anyone otherwise.

He screamed at me for using his favorite mug; it not only looked the same as the other mugs but was also kept in the same cupboard.

He once had me go into a room with him, shut the door behind us, and asked me if he made me “uncomfortable.” I said no because I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave as soon as possible.

He told my coworker, a single mom, that if she wanted health insurance — like the rest of us had — she could find another job.

Only one week after my other coworker tragically and unexpectedly lost a loved one, our boss tried to make him come back to work.

When I picked up a second job, he got mad that I couldn’t come in on one of my regular days off and snarled that I should be more grateful because he “takes care of me.”

I now work as a software engineer, work flexible hours at home, and make double the salary! Several years after I quit working for that terrible boss, one of my coworkers said that our boss had suggested leading a cleansing ceremony over my old desk because of all the “negative energy” that I had left behind. I laughed and told her to film it for me if it happens!